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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am not ok

159 replies

Incarnationsofunderstanding · 16/05/2018 20:37

AIBU to think sometimes that is the hardest thing to say?

Kind of want to start a # but daren’t.

For those who don’t appear to have collapsed.

For those who get up every day and work and look after kids and care for family and friends. For those who laugh and smile and function and drive onwards.

“I am not ok” Are sometimes the hardest words to say?

I am not ok.

OP posts:
TowerRingInferno · 16/05/2018 22:24

Another one who is really not ok.

I usually tell a friend who I confide in that I’m not ok but can’t quite bring myself to do it. I keep hoping they’ll have noticed and contact me first.

BlackeyedSusan · 16/05/2018 22:29

I am sort of ok for now. I think. I am not really sure if I would notice not ok if it bit me on the bum. I was not ok earlier when ds was really distressed. I have to keep it all in though as he is autistic and me not being ok really shits up the children. often I am not ok and it is eaing me from the inside. I am lucky to have found people who will listen though and make all the right noises.

GoldenHoops · 16/05/2018 22:31

I tried to tell people I wasn't ok, I mentioned it a few times actually. After a couple of months I ended up in the AMU in hospital. They all said why d8dnt you tell us you weren't feeling well.
Sorry and hope things get better to everyone else who isn't ok ⚘

steff13 · 16/05/2018 22:33

I said it last night. I'm at the end of my tether. In the past month, I've worked 48 hours each week. I've taken my daughter to school 4 days each week, and picked her up 4 days each week. I've taken her to the doctor for her annual checkup. I've taken #2 son to the doctor for a vaccination. I've taken #2 son to the orthodontist - twice. I've volunteered 5 hours at my daughter's school. I've done endless laundry, shopping, cooking, and phone calls. I'm wiped.

alphajuliet123 · 16/05/2018 22:35

Also not very OK. And finding a lot of my friends are not particularly OK at the moment either. Mid 40's sucks. Awful and selfish as this will sound, I just know as soon as the kids have flown the nest we'll be looking after elderly parents. No light at the end of the tunnel.

FlirtyRomanticToast · 16/05/2018 22:39

I don't think people in general care whether or not you're okay. Obviously friends and family care but outside of that...

When my newborn DS was at deaths door sometimes people - nurses, health visitors etc. would ask me if I was okay but I really don't think they wanted to hear anything other than 'yes' in some form. If I dared to venture tentatively into territory like "I am worried about..." or "It can be hard sometimes..." I felt brushed aside. I typically got responses like "Oh but you're doing okay now" or "Yes I'm sure it can. I'll be back to check on him again later."

But having said that there were definitely also people who were very kind too. The ICU doctor that we were with the night DS was born was lovely, the chaplain was kind too and one nurse on the ward asked me how I was after getting a bit of bad news and she really seemed genuine. I remember her very well Smile

So there are good, kind people out there they're just quite few and far between. Which makes them all the more precious. Flowers

Happinesssquared · 16/05/2018 22:40

I haven't been ok for a few months. Last week it took a complete stranger asking if I was ok for me to finally admit it out loud. I was encouraged by a thread on here and can't describe how relieved I feel, like it's the start of things getting better maybe. I am so grateful to the lady who asked the question.

I hope you find someone to confide in OP, or at least can vent on here. Sorry you're having a rubbish time of it.

TheWomblerReturns · 16/05/2018 22:42

I'm ok now.

I wasn't ok a few days ago. No doubt I won't be ok in a few more days again

Thanks
DrWhy · 16/05/2018 22:43

My workplace have just launched a campaign called ‘I am not OK’ to encourage people to talk about mental health after a few years of redundancy rounds, increased workload and general stress. I hope it really does encourage people to say they are not OK when they feel that way. I was asked if I’d put my story on the website for the launch but I wimped out - I really admire the people who did and they’ve had nothing but support. I’m so sorry for people who have told people in RL and not had the support they need.

Greenglassteacup · 16/05/2018 22:44

I’m not OK either but nobody knows. I find life so hard. Always have done.

AdoraBell · 16/05/2018 22:46

I’m not okay, but am making moves in the right direction. I’m fortune that I found a bloody good psychologist and spent three years learning about what I need and how to make it happen. It’s still a battle.

Greenglassteacup · 16/05/2018 22:49

I’m not ok but I’m too busy to not be ok

Greenglassteacup · 16/05/2018 22:51

If I stopped & took some time, if that were even an option, I’d probably never start back up again.

Flowers for everyone who’s not ok

Xenadog · 16/05/2018 22:53

I don’t know what OK even means. I function really well, have it all and keep the plates spinning. I’m clearly fine. Except I’m not. I went to the doctor only to have him moan to me about his life as a GP and how he’d like to leave but he can’t! He obviously thought I was fine and could listen to his problems. This is the story of my life. Brave face on, shoulders back and head high and I'm OK, right?

LoveMySituation · 16/05/2018 22:56

I cant function. It's so long since i had any kind of functional, normal life i can't remember it. I'm so scared of the future and the now

ShakingAndConfused · 16/05/2018 22:57

I am not ok. I feel trapped and can't get out. My only option is to forgive and move on but... How do I ever get past it?

researchandbiscuitfan · 16/05/2018 22:59

I’m not okay. My DH died and I loved him so much. Bringing up little grieving kids and working and looking after the house is so hard. I’m not even 40 and all I see is years of loneliness without him. I really am trying to chuck myself at life until I feel better, but it isn’t working.

Love to all of you who are not okay.

TyrannosaurusBexx · 16/05/2018 23:00

I'm ok - on the outside

On the inside I'm struggling with ADHD, bulimia, anxiety, a negative ex, 3 demanding children, a selfish family, an oblivious friend, boredom, stress, loneliness and isolation.

I'm actually not allowed to not be OK. I have to be the one who's OK, I don't think people would accept me any other way. I'm the only one holding all this shit together. One day I'll break down, and it will be bad.

MiddleMoffat · 16/05/2018 23:03

I'm not OK, had my first counselling session today, it was amazing that somebody was there just to listen to me. I hope to be Ok one day.

In the meantime, I have my running, wine, and my kids, oh and mumsnet xx

This is an amazing post OP, you should start a movement with "I"m not Ok'.

Dwellerfromunderthesink · 16/05/2018 23:05

Wishing everyone on here strength and then more strength. Am not Ok either right now. Feeling used and lonely and sad. Am going to the GP tomorrow. I’ve not been depressed for about 8 years now which is so good but I am slipping slowly downwards again. Thanks for starting this thread. Sorry so many are struggling too.

tolerable · 16/05/2018 23:07

it depends who i happen to be standing in line with.i know this...but..I am not ok,no even close.

Wolfiefan · 16/05/2018 23:12

I am not anywhere near ok. Trying to get there. I have seen my GP. From day to day I hide from the world as much as possible.

EscapingSoon · 16/05/2018 23:14

I'm not okay. I can't remember the last time I was okay.

cupgate · 16/05/2018 23:14

I am not okay. People think that I am but I'm not. I have tried to tell a couple of people but it's like they don't hear me. I don't think anyone would notice if I wasn't around any more, apart from DS.

MiddleMoffat · 16/05/2018 23:48

That is the worst, when you've told people you are no OK and they don't seem to care.