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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am not ok

159 replies

Incarnationsofunderstanding · 16/05/2018 20:37

AIBU to think sometimes that is the hardest thing to say?

Kind of want to start a # but daren’t.

For those who don’t appear to have collapsed.

For those who get up every day and work and look after kids and care for family and friends. For those who laugh and smile and function and drive onwards.

“I am not ok” Are sometimes the hardest words to say?

I am not ok.

OP posts:
Fatted · 16/05/2018 23:57

The hardest thing I found was admitting it to myself. Once I did that, it became a lot easier.

Now I just say it matter of factly. I'm not OK today. There's no shame in saying it.

HidingFromDD · 17/05/2018 00:22

I’m not ok. But I surround myself with people that rely on me to be their emotional support, and when I reached out to say it they All ran as fast as they could

hesabastard · 17/05/2018 00:27

I'm not ok.

HarshingMyMellow · 17/05/2018 00:31

I'm not ok.

Haven't been ok for months and I'm sick (and exhausted) from putting on the brave face pretending that I am.

When people ask me how I am now, I tell them very matter of factly that I'm not good.

No shame. It's okay not to feel okay.

LotsToThinkOf · 17/05/2018 00:32

I am not ok. I wish I could disappear so I didn't have the pressures. I don't think I should be feeling like this, its disproportionate to the events in my non-traumatic life. I hate being weak.

ReanimatedSGB · 17/05/2018 00:44

Sympathies to those having a bad time.
This Too Will Pass.

Bexter801 · 17/05/2018 00:47

I'm okay Smile But at times I'm not...but lately I'm more than okay,loving life. Why are you not okay op? Obviously,don't have to say if you don't want to Smile

Fletchasaurus · 17/05/2018 07:23

I'm not ok. I hate my job and I want a baby more than anything but I get ill everytime we try so I'm terrified of dh touching me and I'm pushing him away and telling him to look elsewhere. I feel the doctors and hospital can't or won't help me and peddle the same generic advice. I wish I could say I feel better now but it just made me cry.

morningconstitutional2017 · 17/05/2018 09:11

We don't like to say that we're not coping perfectly. Two weeks ago I fell, breaking a few bones which had a temporary plaster cast, since removed. The splint holding my teeth in place won't be removed for another month - meanwhile I'm eating a soft diet with a teaspoon and drinking with a straw. I'm ok with this but at 2 am after a loo visit I lay in bed feeling sorry for myself - sad and fed up. I'm known for my 'positive spin' and won't say out loud that I'm a bit down in the dumps, feeling I've had to cope with more than my fair share of shit. Plenty are worse off than me. So in public its, 'chin up, lass.'

ShakingAndConfused · 17/05/2018 09:17

Agree with PP, this should be a movement

TheClitterati · 17/05/2018 09:26

Fucked
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional
Grin

Yesterday I was very much #Iamnotok. But I can say it now. I told several people who asked. It feels better.

Feeling a bit better today.

Balaboosteh · 17/05/2018 09:32
Flowers
HellonHeels · 17/05/2018 09:47

I'm mostly OK at the moment. But I'm medicated to get to OK.

Flowers to everyone who is not OK

QueenDandelion · 17/05/2018 10:03

I have been extremely not OK, and now I'm OK (on medication, which is really helpful, but my life's in a much better place too).

I want to remind people that "not OK" is not necessarily a permanent state and also it doesn't have to be black and white. Admitting you're not feeling or doing ok, doesn't mean you have to be the polar opposite of "fine!!!" IYSWIM and doesn't mean you can't cope or won't cope in the future. Admitting it, and trying to get what you need to improve things, really can help.

Having been through extreme anxiety and a horrendously difficult relationship, I'm now more aware of how many people are not ok despite appearances.

Flowers and Brew for those who are struggling.

Lilacwine1 · 17/05/2018 10:04

I am not okay, but if anybody asks I say, I'm fine, Thank You.

Loyaultemelie · 17/05/2018 10:19

I am not ok at all. I can't say it or show it although the cracks must be showing but I am very far from ok.
Thanks to everyone feeling like this

Oogle · 17/05/2018 10:20

I'm not ok.
I've told my DH, I'm not sure he realises just how "not ok" I am, or if he even cares. I have no one else to talk to.

MissionItsPossible · 17/05/2018 10:21

I'm not ok and think I'm heading for a nervous breakdown. Luckily I don't have any children to rely on me. Posted it a couple of times but this is my life song:

Ginorchoc · 17/05/2018 10:26

Me also, if it wasn’t for my daughter needing me (single parent) I’d of happily shuffled off this place a long time ago.

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 17/05/2018 10:35

I am not ok.

Sometimes I'm more ok than others.

Maybe if we're all not ok together, we'll be more ok than if we were not ok alone.

ProustianMadeleine · 17/05/2018 10:36

I'm not ok.

Events over the last 4 years have crept on top of me like a blanket that i now can't find my way out from underneath of. I feel suffocated by it and have a lot of trouble finding joy in anything anymore. I know that I'm not being a particularly good mum or wife right now, I do all the things I should be on the surface but underneath I'm frantically peddling.

I've been to the gp twice about it and been fobbed off both times, probably because I wasn't completely honest about it all like an idiot. Admitting it to myself has been hard enough without telling everyone else, I find it embarrassing that I feel like this when I've got so much to be happy about.

I'm tired of saying "I'm fine, thank you". I'm not fine. I'm not fucking fine. I'm so far from fine i could scream!
Dh thinks i just need a holiday.
I actually told him yesterday how bad I feel and about the intrusive thoughts I have. He doesn't even know what to say to me. The disappointment on his face says it all.

Jjou · 17/05/2018 10:39

I'm not ok right now. Anxiety is swirling in my stomach all of the time. I never used to worry so much, but these days I'm a wreck. But everyone is so used to me being fine and not revealing my feelings; I can't articulate what's wrong now or what's changed, so I just pretend nothing has. It's exhausting.

MissionItsPossible · 17/05/2018 10:41

I wish more people would speak up about this in real life. I think it's more common than we think but everyone just feels worse because on the surface everyone else seems to have everything sorted apart from you.

doggyg · 17/05/2018 10:45

I'm not ok. I can't tell anyone in rl though as, on the surface, I've no reason not to be ok. I've just read this thread in floods of tears because it's so sad that so many people feel like this.

Shattered04 · 17/05/2018 10:47

I actually said it in real life today. Then again, I was sobbing at the school gates and having a full on panic attack, so it would have been a massive lie if I'd said anything else.

The problem is that I've not been okay for a long time but even when I do try and reach out for help, I get ignored, and then this happens in front of strangers, well, other school mums, but even so. The people who should be there for me just aren't.