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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL's wedding outfit

172 replies

shallichangemyname · 15/05/2018 13:28

Posting on behalf of a friend who is unsure how to deal with this.
Friend is getting married this summer and is wearing a traditional white floor length wedding dress with veil. Wedding is very small with 19 guests, all immediate family. MIL has just sent her a picture of a floor length white dress which she intends to wear. How does friend respond?
Two choices - get STBDH to deal with it, or reply "haha, I thought you were serious!"

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 16/05/2018 22:30

I love bright colours and think they look great on guests when bride is in white

justlliloleme · 16/05/2018 23:11

Say 'that's lovely' & let her wear it - she'll look like the nob she is.
She probably won't wear it anyway, she's probably only saying she is for a reaction. I wouldn't give her one!

popcornaddict · 17/05/2018 00:09

Majorie25 obviously wore white to someone's wedding 😂😂

I let people wear white to my wedding. They all asked md first but I was suoer laid back about it as we got married on the beach in Turkey and I was thrilled loads of our f&f had booked to come. If I was getting married in England in a church or whatever I'm not sure I would have been as laid back.

Ferret27 · 17/05/2018 00:36

In hot countries half the guests wear white.... ! As long as you don’t look bridal it won’t deflect from the bride ...

Beeziekn33ze · 17/05/2018 00:47

Olenna - The bride's competitive sister was the sole bridesmaid. She chose her own dress, a slinky scarlet number with an eye catching feather headpiece. There was talk among the guests!

1forAll74 · 17/05/2018 03:43

Let MIL wear this white dress. Its a small wedding as you say,Just close family, so presumably all people will know about MIL'S dress sense, and will all have a laugh about it all. Something to laugh about in years to come when looking through the wedding photo's.

MrsEricBana · 17/05/2018 12:04

My MIL and SIL wore cream lacy dresses to my wedding and I was a bit upset but no one said anything.
I haven't heard of the red thing but at a recent wedding a slim, gorgeous relative of the groom wore a fantastic red dress and fascinator and I do remember her more than the bride.

MrsEricBana · 17/05/2018 12:05

So I think maybe your stbdh should have a quiet word. Tricky if she's already bought it.

Crunkly · 17/05/2018 12:15

Haven’t read all the comments. But I say let the MIL wear what she likes. She’s not going to end up upstaging the bride anyway.
A wedding is just one day, you get to keep the husband (and the MIL) forever, do you want to start a marriage by making your future MIL feel crap about herself?

whatamistake · 17/05/2018 17:31

Red is a no no because it draws the eye - ask any photographer. It screams ‘look at me’ which is why it’s inappropriate for a wedding. My mil had an outfit change midway through our day like she was a famous person who needed a dress change 🙄

MrsKoala · 17/05/2018 17:53

Last wedding as a guest i went to i wore a red dress and big red hat. There were other guests also in red, lime green, fuchsia and yellow. I think that looks way better than a sea of bland pastels and greige all blurring into one and then a bride in cream or white doesn't stand out at all.

Come to think of it the last wedding actually attended was my own and i wore bright red then too.

GreenShadow · 17/05/2018 20:18

I really don't see this as being much of an issue.

Everyone invited to the wedding should know who the bride is anyway so it's not like they're going to get muddled up.

I couldn't care less what anyone else wore to mine. It would be up to them if they wanted to look like a prat and have everyone laughing at them.

whatamistake · 17/05/2018 20:38

People may not say anything but people will think she’s attention seeking to turn up in white/cream or bright red.

Original poster
shallichangemyname · 03/06/2018 09:35

Update shocker
Having been spoken to by STBDH MIL had agreed white was not suitable. Bride had also said about the dress "does it come in any other colours?" and MIL had responded "back to the drawing board then".
Now today it is revealed she has gone ahead and bought the dress.
Wedding is in August so still time to turn this one round.

OP posts:
oneggshellsallthetime · 03/06/2018 10:34

But has she bought the dress intending to wear it to your wedding or because she really likes it and wanted it ready in her wardrobe for another occasion?

goingatlast · 03/06/2018 10:51

Bold: In my view M'sIL are the least important of the bridal party and maybe should dress accordingly. Background material, so to speak.

I have one DS and the thought that I wouldn't be important to him or his partner at all on their wedding day actually makes me really sad.

Original poster
shallichangemyname · 03/06/2018 11:00

Intending to wear it. I don't think MILs or MOBs should dress to fade into the background but they shouldn't dress like a bride either. There will only be 19 people, including B&G. The poor woman deserves to look nice on her son's wedding day. But wearing floor length white is a bit much, particularly when both bride and groom have asked her not to.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 03/06/2018 11:28

Her own DS has asked her not to wear a blatantly unsuitable dress.

So it's time for her DS to ask his mother why she wants to cause bad feeling on her own son's wedding day.

Should he take this as a snub to his wife? Does she have a problem with her specifically? Or does she just dislike the idea of him marrying full stop?

Either way, he should say pleasantly that it's rather a nasty surprise and hed thought she was a. happy for him and supportive of his choices and b. more mature full stop.

So maybe it would be better if she didn't come. She's not going to be able to be in the photos anyway and wearing an outfit which makes it painfully obvious that she's out to make a negative statement is only going to embarrass her, especially in the future when she's grown up a bit and wants more access to her grandchildren than her son and DIL are happy about

TSSDNCOP · 03/06/2018 11:32

She’s going to look a fool. No one upstages a bride; you just look like a nob that tried and failed.

LightDrizzle · 03/06/2018 12:02

I promise I didn’t grow up under a rock, but I honestly didn’t know that cream or ivory or oyster suits or dresses were a no-no for wedding guests until I was well into my thirties, nor did my mum, first husband or (now) second husband.
I wore my mum’s vintage 70s take on a 20s style deep ivory lace drop waist, calf length dress to a friend’s wedding in Italy about 14 years ago. I wonder if I horrified everyone, I didn’t pick up on any hostility but a couple of people did compliment it and ask if it was vintage , - perhaps a veiled probe?
I didn’t look bridal but I wouldn’t do it now I know, however I do believe some people are unaware of it. The outfit wasn’t bought for the wedding, so no chance of chit-chat in the shop revealing my mistake. I never bought bridal magazines or anything for my own first wedding and my own wedding dress came from Oxfam so I’d never lived and breathed “wedding”.

blackteasplease · 03/06/2018 12:13

I wore a white trouser suit to a wedding once but I was only 16 at the time! It was the most 90s looking thing when I look at the photos!

I've also worn red before as it was always my colour - was a shortish dress and nothing outlandish.

However at my wedding one of exh's cousins did wear an incredibly striking red vintage dress with a huge hat and it did seem massively attention seeking. Plus we'd heard so much about it before hand from her Dad (weird in itself) that I was already bored of the damn hat!

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