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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL's wedding outfit

172 replies

shallichangemyname · 15/05/2018 13:28

Posting on behalf of a friend who is unsure how to deal with this.
Friend is getting married this summer and is wearing a traditional white floor length wedding dress with veil. Wedding is very small with 19 guests, all immediate family. MIL has just sent her a picture of a floor length white dress which she intends to wear. How does friend respond?
Two choices - get STBDH to deal with it, or reply "haha, I thought you were serious!"

OP posts:
MumofBoysx2 · 15/05/2018 14:21

Someone (her son probably) needs to tell her straight. That is not what to wear!

Original poster
shallichangemyname · 15/05/2018 14:23

I like mavismcruet's response.
She's actually just texted her this: "that's lovely, does it come in other colours?"
The MIL doesn't have an issue with the bride or the wedding, they get on very well. She is just a bit over enthusiastic about her own appearance shall we say..... She has a daughter and bride is very friendly with her, this may be a good alternative to asking the STBDH to deal with it.... (and no, he's not a mummy's boy and he'd do it for his fiancée if he had to).

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 15/05/2018 14:23

'Wow, I didn't realise it was traditional for MILs to wear wedding dresses too!'

as others say though, if she insists on wearing it she will make a right arse of herself.

justforthisthread101 · 15/05/2018 14:25

She's either trying to:
a) just cause a row before the wedding and has no intention of doing it.
b) make herself the centre of attention on the day
c) upstage the bride.

If it's a), then ignore it and don't give it oxygen and if it's either b) or c), she'll just look like a prize idiot if she goes through with it. Let her.

I wouldn't give this any heat or light. If they do, it sets up the fights over table plans, baby showers, christening guests etc., etc. Drama needs to be fed. Starve it.

KingLooieCatz · 15/05/2018 14:25

Friend of mine turned up to my wedding in a white, lacy, knee length dress. It didn't actually bother me. Might be different if it had been DMIL though!

user1471501171 · 15/05/2018 14:26

Pretend it Is a joke on MILS BEHALF and send back " GrinGrinROLF could you imagineGrin. I bet there are some crazy MILS who would wear that. Thank God you are sane!"
That should get the message across without confrontation.

Original poster
shallichangemyname · 15/05/2018 14:26

I think it's probably closest to b) @justfor

OP posts:
kikashi · 15/05/2018 14:41

Let her wear it - she is the one who will look ridiculous. It won't upstage the bride - people will just think it is weird and that MIL is being goady

millymae · 15/05/2018 14:43

I have always thought that guests wearing white to a wedding was not the done thing, but in the last couple of weeks I’m sure that I read a complimentary article somewhere (can’t remember where) about a mother of the bride who was photographed with her daughter wearing a long white dress. The way the article was written gave no indication that this was not the right thing to do, which surprised me a bit.
I’m sure the Daily Mail did a piece at the beginning of the year about a MIL who had chosen to white and used comments made on Mumsnet about how wrong this was.
If I were your friend I think I’d be googling this, and if my OH was unwilling to tell his mum that she might be doing herself no favours in choosing to wear white, I’d be handing a copy to my MIL with a suggestion that she might like to give it a read before making a final decision.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 15/05/2018 14:52

I accidentally wore a cream maxi to a friend's wedding. I say accidentally - I had recently had a stillbirth and was really struggling with the idea that I would be going to the wedding without a 10 week old baby (as I had originally thought), I had been round the shops as much as I could cope with without finding anything that fitted, and when that dress fitted I asked my mum if it would do, and I think she did say something about it being a bit pale, but the lights in the changing rooms made it look more parchment/blush and I had had enough. I didn't look like the bride - she was wearing a stunning Ian Stuart dress. I wouldn't do it again but I was in a really bad place at the time and couldn't cope with being in the shops for one minute longer. She was a really good friend and no one said a word to me about it.

Original poster
shallichangemyname · 15/05/2018 14:55

@tooextra Thanks so sorry

OP posts:
AtrocityNeedles · 15/05/2018 14:57

My DM wore the most outrageous outfit to my DB's wedding, which I can't describe for fear of massively outing myself. My SIL wasn't impressed. We just rolled our eyes.

She was impeccably and tastefully dressed for my wedding the year before though Grin

FilledSoda · 15/05/2018 14:59

So they get on well but you think she's doing it for attention? Option B?
Those two things don't really go hand in hand.
If she had any regard for DIL she just wouldn't do it.
Even the point people make about letting her make a fool of herself doesn't really seem right if she just loves any attention good or bad.
I'd have to say something, I'd need to know if it was intentional.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/05/2018 15:00

Text back "Sorry MIL, I've already got my wedding dress, don't need another one!"

amusedbush · 15/05/2018 15:03

My DM wore the most outrageous outfit to my DB's wedding

My mum wore an outrageous outfit to her dad's FUNERAL, and kept asking people randomly if they liked what she was wearing Shock I was mortified and found it very difficult to be civil to her. She also kept rolling her eyes at my aunt's crying but that's another story

I bet you can't guess why I eloped Grin

CocoaGin · 15/05/2018 15:09

I'd let her wear it. She's going to look an utter prat, let's face it Grin.

jugglingsatsumas · 15/05/2018 15:12

A guest at my wedding wore a long white dress - and then posed for pictures with her boyfriend at the church door. Weird. They split up shortly afterwards.

heateallthebuns · 15/05/2018 15:14

Can't wait to hear what mil reply was?!

eosmum · 15/05/2018 15:26

I was at a wedding once where the MoB "surprised" the bride by appearing in a dress made from the same material as the wedding dress. It was also made by the same exclusive designer as the wedding dress. Everyone talks about it years later, in a "I still can't believe she did that" way. When the MoB arrived at the venue the Harpist started playing the wedding march. Bride moved country soon after the wedding.

thecatsthecats · 15/05/2018 15:34

I'm having a slightly unconventional (but mostly conventional) wedding dress. My bridesmaid really liked bridesmaid dresses that were VERY close in design...

"How about this?"
"Ooh, not sure about that. Bit close to the wedding dress!"
(more dress chatter)
"Shall I order that first one then?"
"Um, I'd prefer to keep that shape/style in reserve for when I've finally chosen for the wedding dress"
"Oh, I thought you meant 'close to the wedding dress' in a GOOD way!"

CoraPirbright · 15/05/2018 15:40

I like Sittinonthefloor’s response:
Assume it's a joke and act accordingly "lol, don't joke though - my friend's aunt did actually wear white to her wedding, it was so embarrassing, no one knew what to say!"

I’d use this if she comes up against more opposition. And get the fiancé to weigh in.

Peterrabbitscarrots · 15/05/2018 15:43

Personally - I’d let her wear it and make a fool of herself, everyone will be laughing at her.

I’d also have a word with the photographer and ensure that she’s not in any of the photos. Or ensure that those she is in are “accidentally” deleted or destroyed. (My ex SIL did this when our MIL wore black to her wedding)

Aprilmightbemynewname · 15/05/2018 15:45

Not sure what my mil wore on my wedding day...
She wasn't invited!! Grin

NancyBlackettsRedCap · 15/05/2018 15:46

I'd get her to contact all the other guests and ask them to wear white. And then wear something stunning in a lovely colour herself.

Ragwort · 15/05/2018 15:49

My (first) MIL wore an incredibly similar dress to my (civil ceremony) wedding - she showed it to me and I was so upset as the 'special feature' was exactly the same as on my dress ....... I broke down in front of my own mum and she had a word with her ....... in the end she DID wear the same dress to the ceremony but then changed for the afternoon reception. Her daughter also changed and both wore incredibly casual clothes as if to snub me on purpose.

No wonder the marriage didn't last long Grin.