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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL's wedding outfit

172 replies

shallichangemyname · 15/05/2018 13:28

Posting on behalf of a friend who is unsure how to deal with this.
Friend is getting married this summer and is wearing a traditional white floor length wedding dress with veil. Wedding is very small with 19 guests, all immediate family. MIL has just sent her a picture of a floor length white dress which she intends to wear. How does friend respond?
Two choices - get STBDH to deal with it, or reply "haha, I thought you were serious!"

OP posts:
Rattail · 15/05/2018 19:03

Can't believe people would think its acceptable to wear white and just embarrass themselves

Motherofallbeasts · 15/05/2018 19:12

I just looked at a photo - loads of people wore white to my wedding and I didn't even notice. My cousin wore her actual wedding dress (it was slinky and plain and she had different accessories) Grin

Juells · 15/05/2018 19:16

Wonder if the OP will come back and let us know what the MiL replied.

SwearingMakesEverythingBetter · 15/05/2018 19:40

Crispy surely nobody would be rude enough to laugh openly! People might have a giggle about it afterwards but it's no big deal. It may not look so bridal once she has accessorised it anyway.

I've been to a couple of weddings where guests (not bridal party admittedly) wore white, and looked nice, and appropriate. I think all those rigid rules about what you can and can't wear to a wedding are a bit outdated (and I'm in my 40s).

Strawberry2017 · 15/05/2018 19:44

Who on earth thinks white is an appropriate colour to wear to a wedding!
Love the brides response though! X

OlennasWimple · 15/05/2018 19:45

Surely a floor length dress would be an odd choice for a small, less formal wedding anyway? Unless everyone else is wearing a DJ and ballgowns?

LoveInTokyo · 15/05/2018 19:47

After reading this thread I have just sent my friend a picture of the dress I am planning to wear to her wedding just to check it’s OK!

Grin

MIL sounds batshit though. Keep us updated, OP.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/05/2018 19:59

niceday
I also think the outfit looked ok. It was very cream and short. Not the sort of thing a young bride would wear. Dhs cousin otoh wore a white knee length dress to a wedding years ago and it really was something, which could have been a simple 50’s wedding dress with the right petticoats etc. He mother must have had words because she came to dh and my wedding looking like a complete frump. I was actually looking forward to seeing her concoction actually. Grin. Eccentric and clueless, a bit self aborted but not knowingly rude. However, attractive and slim so I’m sure the dress didn’t go down well with the bride. I was a bit Shock at the dress and felt sorry for the bride.

Original poster
shallichangemyname · 15/05/2018 20:04

I think it's ok to wear white accessorised with colour if you aren't a part of the wedding party itself..... I know people did at mine. But floor length white on one of the mums????

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Original poster
shallichangemyname · 15/05/2018 20:10

Anyway. I have demanded an update.
The STBDH called his mum. Told her he didn't like the dress Confused and then said white wasn't appropriate, didn't she understand that....and she said "oh I'll carry on looking for something else then" and he said yes, as long as it's not white.
Nice to see some straight talking and a supportive DP on the same page and willing to back his fiancée over his DM.
Not sure why she's chosen long. It's an afternoon wedding with just 19 including bride and groom, in Europe. Long seems an odd choice tbh, a bit over dressy for the type of wedding they are having. Then again a lot of people are wearing long to weddings now if they go on into the evening. This one won't have an evening bash though, just a simple wedding followed by a nice meal.

OP posts:
Original poster
shallichangemyname · 15/05/2018 20:10

MIL didn't reply to the bride's text asking if it came in any other colours....

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 15/05/2018 20:13

Good for the groom!

Juells · 15/05/2018 21:06

If I ever need to handle a delicate matter I'm definitely going to ask advice on MN, posters come up with such wonderfully tactful words.

MrsMozart · 15/05/2018 21:07

Well handled!

Original poster
shallichangemyname · 15/05/2018 21:32

Jewells I completely agree. Exactly why I posted. When DFriend told me my immediate thought was what clever suggestions MN would come up with!

OP posts:
RenoSusan · 16/05/2018 17:51

Ask her if she want to look older as white emphasizes every line and wrinkle. Tell her if she dyes her hair beige then no one will be able to see her in the pictures.

Shell4429 · 16/05/2018 17:53

My mother wore a Laura Ashley to my first wedding complete with plunging neckline, which really wasn’t appropriate in 1982. Not sure whether it would be nowadays but I was mortified and asked her not to wear it before the day but she wore it anyway. I still cringe when I think about it.

Taloulou · 16/05/2018 17:56

Sounds very familiar apart from I went round to MIL’s to see her outfit it was a beautiful white floor length dress I gave her one hell of a death stare and asked if she was getting married. Obvious reply was no and a giggle to go along with it said well why are you dressing like a bride got the ooh don’t be silly it’s an evening style dress 🤔 left it at that then the weeks up until the wedding I kept saying everytime we visited or she visited us ooh here’s the stand in bride incase I do a runner in front of a lot of family members.. she came to the wedding in a 2 piece coral pink outfit 👌

AlecOrAlonzo · 16/05/2018 18:10

Two of the guests at my wedding wore white dresses. Short ones though. It wasn't like they went and bought wedding dresses. Unfortunately neither had I and my dress was also just a normal, ivory coloured dress so it did look like three of us getting hitched. I thought it was quite funny. I wasn't bothered. one of the other girls was though because she was from a different country and thought she'd made a massive cultural faux pas. I just reassured her. My fil wore a grey topper, yellow cords, a pink shirt and a sequinned waistcoat. Wee but upstage-y right enough!

WTFiswrongwithpeople · 16/05/2018 18:11

How she responds depends on her relationship with her MIL. Not knowing that, I’d let her wear it and make a dick of herself.

MyfavouriteCauliflower · 16/05/2018 18:20

I was at a wedding and both MOB and Mother of Groom wore white, as well as the poor bride, I know that the MOG was advised by family not to wear a white ( well off white ) suit, but she did anyway...
Awfully mean spirited of them both.
However the bride looked fabulous, regardless.

Abbylee · 16/05/2018 18:21

I met a woman who BOASTED "this is what I wore to my son's wedding; everyone asked of there were 2 brides!"

She took it as a compliment! She lived across the country from her ds and dil and was a cruel and vicious co-workers who back stabbed quite a few people.

I was happy to be reassigned.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 16/05/2018 18:28

MIL wore a very light cream (which was her euphemism for white) dress for our wedding lots of years ago. My Mum wore duck egg blue and quietly said to MIL on the day "what a shame you didn't think to try a more flattering colour, white is ever so ageing". It was like one of those jellyfish stings on Bridget Jones and was so flawlessly done that I swear my Mum actually became Miranda Priestly at that moment.

I loved my Mum a bit extra after that.

Teeniemiff · 16/05/2018 18:31

This is completely off topic but does your friends soon to be MIL have any daughters, or just son/s? My friends And I have a theory that if your husband has a sister then MIL isn’t too bad, but if it’s only sons she has they can be odd lol.
As for your post, whilst I’d be half tempted to let her wear it & people talk about her, I think it’s not going to be nice that’s the talked about and takes focus from the bride & groom so I’d say it needs addressing before.

Original poster
shallichangemyname · 16/05/2018 18:40

She does have a daughter

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