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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To charge DD and her friends for a round trip into town

350 replies

NoMoreFreeRides · 15/05/2018 13:10

DD thinks I am, so we've agreed to ask MN!

Now and again, I drive DD(13) and her friends into town. They go shopping for a couple of hours whilst I park my backside in Costa.

They want to go shopping this Saturday and were going to take the train but want to watch the Royal Wedding "live" first. We live fairly rurally so train service won't accommodate their plans.

I've told DD I'll drive them but they all need to give me £2 each (including DD) to cover my parking and Costa (I'll chuck the petrol, wear & tear on car and witty repartee in for free).

DD thinks I'm being tight and embarrassing

Who's right me obviously

OP posts:
bridgetjonesmassivepants · 15/05/2018 14:01

For some reason this has really upset me. Why wouldn't you take your daughter and her friends? I assume that occasionally the other parents help out and offer to do the town run, it was, I suppose your choice to live rurally? How can you even think of charging them - you sound very childish.

My dad would have driven across Europe to drop me off somewhere if asked and he acted as my personal taxi service for years - I will do the same for my children until they can drive. I see this, as most things you do for your children, as an expression of how much you love them.

What else do you plan to charge your children for? And no, it is not 'teaching them how to deal with money' it's being mean.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/05/2018 14:01

Ok I see your situation. However, if you begrudge taking them tell them they’ll have to watch the wedding then go for a walk, play tennis or whatever other activity is local. Then go shopping next weekend. No way would I charge my child and her friends. That’s just weird.

MissDollyMix · 15/05/2018 14:01

YABVU. If you don't want to do it, just say "no". Tell her and her friends to ask someone else's parents to take them or hand them the bus timetable.

MurielsBottom · 15/05/2018 14:02

I am going to go against the grain here and agree with the OP. The children are still getting a better deal than going on the train and I think it is fair that teenagers learn that things cost money (cars, petrol) and people's time is valuable too.

However if my DD's friend's mum was doing this I would be offering money myself to her or reciprocating in turn.

I can't believe all the shock and horror on this thread though. Seems a bit extreme.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 15/05/2018 14:02

it's up to the OP, an adult, to sort this out with the other parents, equally adults. It's ridiculous to be so passive-aggressive and tight with your own child.

ParisUSM · 15/05/2018 14:02

God this reminds me of my friend's mum who charged us all for pizza at her house, haha. My mum never got over it.

Original poster
NoMoreFreeRides · 15/05/2018 14:05

@somanyfeministsthesedays

I was going to show this thread to DD when she gets home as she would be delighted to know MN thinks she's right. Shame you had to use such foul, misogynistic language.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 15/05/2018 14:05

Oh god please don't. I have cringed inside out at the thought of it

Presumably it wasn't your DD's choice to live rurally. You made the choice, you suck it up.

Even if that weren't the case, it's just something you do as a parent isn't it?

Quite apart from the fact that you've said you enjoy the coffee shop time alone anyway.

OP please don't YABVVU

Bridesmaidinchief · 15/05/2018 14:06

If I was the mother of one of the other girls I would either assume you were in desperate poverty or that you were taking the absolute piss.

Oh well. You've asked for the wisdom of MN and the vast majority are not in support of your position but it doesn't look like you're going to change your mind so this is a pointless thread really (except that it's opened my mind to just how disgustingly and embarrassingly tight careful with the pennies some people are!)

RolyRocks · 15/05/2018 14:06

DD thinks I am, so we've agreed to ask MN!

OP, if the majority of people on this thread had said YANBU, would you have shown your DD and said, "See, from this I am not being unreasonable so £2 please"?

If so, because the majority have said YABU, are you going to show this thread to your DD to say, ok, the consensus is that I don't charge and I am not a hypocrite?

Judging by your replies, you were always going to charge your DD and her friends and this thread is pointless.

A4710Rider · 15/05/2018 14:06

I like the cut of your jib, OP.

InspMorse · 15/05/2018 14:07

Go for it OP! When you're an old woman and don't drive anymore, your children (having been taught well by you) will expect payment for every odd job/ lift they give you!

Bridesmaidinchief · 15/05/2018 14:07

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cornflakegirl · 15/05/2018 14:07

I think it's reasonable. Especially if you're willing to do it for free if another parent does one trip? I don't understand the people who are saying just say no. How is that better than saying yes with a cost? They still have the option of declining your offer!

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 15/05/2018 14:08

my friend's mum who charged us all for pizza at her house
Shock

Dancergirl · 15/05/2018 14:08

Plus I don't mind a sit down in Costa an artisan coffee hipster place

Well what are you moaning about then? Sorry but I think you are being tight. It sounds like it's more about the money than about other parents taking a turn.

If it's convenient for you to drive them then do so. If not, say so and they can get the train.

RolyRocks · 15/05/2018 14:09

X-post - to be fair, your replies did not indicate that you were open to taking the majority from this thread Actually, I'm thinking charging them £2 is too little ...

DD's friends think I'm wonderful because from nursery onwards,I've been taking them here there and everywhere. None of the other parents take them shopping en masse.

Maybe I should charge the parents?

batmanpants · 15/05/2018 14:09

This can't be real. All for 8 pissing quid.

Treacletoots · 15/05/2018 14:09

Wow! Teaching the value of money is one thing. Helping your child get somewhere, safely for what seems to be a one off is just part of being a parent.

You are being Very Unreasonable. Typically it appears that because everyone isn't agreeing with you, you've decided they're ALSO wrong. Try listening for once. You'll be amazed what you hear.

Babymamamama · 15/05/2018 14:09

OP I know you've had lots of views already but here's another one anyway. When you are elderly your dd may well have to drive you to and from places. Such as to visit friends or even medical trips. I know I've had to do that for my parents. Unless you will expect her as your daughter to charge you when you are old and grey (which you probably wouldn't) YABU. Karma and all that.

FASH84 · 15/05/2018 14:10

OP when I was seventeen I wanted to go to Reading festival with a group of friends (I worked pt in 6th form I bought my ticket), another friend invited me to go to France with her and her family for a few days, I also wanted to do that, however going to France meant I would not be back in time for the shared mini bus to the festival, I was talking to a friend about taking my tent for me on the minibus and I'd get the train later the same day when DM interrupted and said 'I'll drive you to Reading' , it's a two hour drive from where I live, I offered petrol money she refused. My friends all loved her and my dad, they'd often give us all lifts or we'd all go back to my house after nights out etc for pizza or Sunday morning coffee and bacon sandwiches. I was booking taxis for me DH and some friends for my 30th DF heard me planning with my best friend and said, 'don't worry about that you can stay here over night (closer to where we were going) your mum and I will take both cars and drop you all off, we can pick a and b up on the way. It's only 15/20 miles or so'. I'm a very respectful adult, absolutely know the value of money (some might even say I'm very sensible) and go out of my way to do favours for my family. We all do airport runs for each other, pet sit, help out however we can (eg DB sorted out our plumbing, I did most of his tax return). I fully intend on continuing this with our children.

Jdabbers · 15/05/2018 14:10

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JessicaJonesJacket · 15/05/2018 14:12

If you charge them, DD should bill you back for providing an opportunity for you to focus on self-care eat cakes in Costa and for ensuring your car has a regular run Wink
You reap what you sow Grin

Original poster
NoMoreFreeRides · 15/05/2018 14:12

Do you understand transporting your child is part of parenting

Yes. I "transport" her into town several times a week for sports training.

They can't go Sunday - no train. And as I said in my OP - the train times don't allow them to watch Meghan get married and go shopping.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 15/05/2018 14:12

You’re telling another poster to be ashamed of what they posted when what you are asking of your dd is shameful. Not to mention embarrassing for her. This sort of parenting could make her the target of a bully. Can’t you see the irony?