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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To charge DD and her friends for a round trip into town

350 replies

NoMoreFreeRides · 15/05/2018 13:10

DD thinks I am, so we've agreed to ask MN!

Now and again, I drive DD(13) and her friends into town. They go shopping for a couple of hours whilst I park my backside in Costa.

They want to go shopping this Saturday and were going to take the train but want to watch the Royal Wedding "live" first. We live fairly rurally so train service won't accommodate their plans.

I've told DD I'll drive them but they all need to give me £2 each (including DD) to cover my parking and Costa (I'll chuck the petrol, wear & tear on car and witty repartee in for free).

DD thinks I'm being tight and embarrassing

Who's right me obviously

OP posts:
PieAndPumpkins · 15/05/2018 18:19

How bizarre! Your daughter didn't ask to live in the middle of nowhere. But it's not your job to be at her and particularly her friends beck and call every weekend either. The others parents should take a turn, or THEY should be paying you towards fuel etc. I think the parents are the ones who need some money (and manner) lessons.
Personally I'd say no - and suggest the other parents might help out for once - before asking the children themselves for money. Very cringe.

Guna100 · 15/05/2018 18:22

I think it depends on if your the only parent that does this.....if all of your dd’s friends parents volunteer their time in such a manner occasionally, YABU.

But if you are the only one that does it, then YANBU

Original poster
NoMoreFreeRides · 15/05/2018 18:25

oh God - apparently this has made it onto MN trolls on Reddit! I'm several PBPs apparently - with sock puppets galore! Good job MNHQ don't agree with them.

Off to gymnastics now (don't worry, I'm taking DD and friend for free). The OP was a genuine discussion DD and I had about money, expenses, budgeting, responsibility and I did say I'd ask MN because there was a time when you could discuss stuff on here.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 15/05/2018 18:26

It was a joke.... anyone with half a brain should have tugged by now....
Bet OP said it in jest and the DD said go on post it....I dare you....
Hence why the child was promised she could read it.. several posters on here have form for being nasty on other threads...

Happinesss · 15/05/2018 18:30

What a tight arse.

Who charges 13 year olds for a lift to town when it includes there own daughter. Confused

What a joker

Original poster
NoMoreFreeRides · 15/05/2018 18:31

several posters on here have form for being nasty on other threads...

So I've just discovered courtesy of advanced search!

OP posts:
Angrybird345 · 15/05/2018 18:32

No way OP! You’re daughter will get bullied because of you!!

mummmy2017 · 15/05/2018 18:33

My teenager says to your teenager go eat the ice cream it in freezer it will heal all... xxc

NorthernKnickers · 15/05/2018 18:34

Do your DDs friends' parents also charge for lifts (or other things that may 'cost' them, such as the juice drunk at their homes when the girls are all there, sandwiches made, crisps/popcorn eaten etc)?

I can entirely see how you might want to charge a 'still-living-at-home' 23 year old for such things...but NOT your 13 year old, who has no income of her own (barring, I suspect, a bit of pocket money!). Very mean spirited OP! Really mean indeed!

MightyMucks · 15/05/2018 18:34

oh God - apparently this has made it onto MN trolls on Reddit! I'm several PBPs apparently

MN Trolls is about 2 different PBPs from here with multiple user names agreeing with themselves and accusing other people of being PBPs and sock puppets.

bearbehind · 15/05/2018 18:36

Waves to mummmy

You say nasty, I say honest.

Whatever.

Still better than potentially massively embarrassing your teenage daughter by taking the 'joke' too far.

mummmy2017 · 15/05/2018 18:37

It was a joke...
Daughter knew mum had written it

N2986 · 15/05/2018 18:37

Op please don't do it. My dad was a right stingy git but my mum wouldnt let him do something like this. Offer to drive one way and tell them they have to figure the return out themselves or just say no Hmm

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 15/05/2018 18:37

I'd ask MN because there was a time when you could discuss stuff on here.

you still can, and people not agreeing with you doesn't mean you can't, it usually mean you are completely wrong. It does happen....

TenancyTroublesAgain · 15/05/2018 18:38

Yabu! Jesus!

bringbacksideburns · 15/05/2018 18:41

You can still ' discuss stuff' on here.

You've just got the hump because no one agrees with you and we all think you are a tight arse.

Take them for free or don't. They aren't 23.

happytobemrsg · 15/05/2018 18:43

Erm no. Don't do this

Colbu24 · 15/05/2018 18:51

I have a 12 year old and still very young.

Would be nice if the other parents were to offer you some money. I know I would.
You are being kind to your dd and her friends.
At least your dd can be happy that her Mom does what other parents don't want to do.
Just wait a little longer to ask for money. Smile

CaliforniaDream · 15/05/2018 18:52

I think if my child were asked for money for a lift by a parent of her friend I would a) not be encouraging her to go round again and b) would be asking the other parent to approach me directly for cash, not my child.

There is a real power imbalance here OP. You're a grown woman asking for money from 13 year olds. Can they definitely say no? Or will they feel that they have to say yes because they've been told to be polite to adults? It just seems a real abuse of power to charge them when I know that when I was 13 I wouldn't have felt at all comfortable refusing to pay.

I think if you are going to start charging you have to ask their parents for the money, not them - otherwise you're just pressuring children to give you their pocket money. And if you don't feel comfortable asking the parents instead, ask yourself why!!

Lulusmother · 15/05/2018 18:59

Wow.... give it two years she'll not want to do anything with you anyway ! Enjoy time with her and her friends and just suck up your petrol use ! Part of being a mum I'm afraid.

Colbu24 · 15/05/2018 19:02

FASH84.
You and your parents sound lovely.
I want a family like yours. Smile

LoveInTokyo · 15/05/2018 19:05

I haven’t RTFT but OP, you sound absolutely bonkers. I pity your poor DD.

If you hate giving your children lifts so much, perhaps you should consider moving closer to civilisation.

pallisers · 15/05/2018 19:08

She's quite upset by it (the abusive replies) so I've asked MNHQ to delete the thread.

Would have been simpler not to show her the thread in the first place really. You did know what it contained didn't you? But it is probably more of a kick to be able to lecture people on being abusive to a 13 year old (who should not be on MN) for replies you deliberately courted.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/05/2018 19:15

@NoMoreFreeRides
we’ve decided to ask mumsnet is somewhat different to “I’ll be showing dd your responses so please bear in mind you’re talking to a 13 yo”. Not one poster addressed your daughter personally so you definitely didn’t make it clear.

Yorkshirebetty · 15/05/2018 19:16

When you're 83 and need a lift to the clinic, I hope she charges you.

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