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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

To charge DD and her friends for a round trip into town

350 replies

NoMoreFreeRides · 15/05/2018 13:10

DD thinks I am, so we've agreed to ask MN!

Now and again, I drive DD(13) and her friends into town. They go shopping for a couple of hours whilst I park my backside in Costa.

They want to go shopping this Saturday and were going to take the train but want to watch the Royal Wedding "live" first. We live fairly rurally so train service won't accommodate their plans.

I've told DD I'll drive them but they all need to give me £2 each (including DD) to cover my parking and Costa (I'll chuck the petrol, wear & tear on car and witty repartee in for free).

DD thinks I'm being tight and embarrassing

Who's right me obviously

OP posts:

Foxysoxy10 · 15/05/2018 19:19

OP are you one of the wine darling mummies?
The type that Mummy blog and instamummy?

MirandaWest · 15/05/2018 19:19

If they went by train, how much would it cost and who would pay it?

LoveInTokyo · 15/05/2018 19:22

As a more general point, OP, I would offer a word of caution. Doing certain things for your children to give them a normal, nice kind of childhood is part of being a normal, nice parent. This includes the basics like feeding them, clothing them and keeping a roof over their head until they are out of full time education. (Thinking of my friend’s dad who made her pay rent while she was doing her A-levels, and whom she has not seen since she was 18.)

It also includes things to help them have a normal social life, like letting them have friends over, having birthday celebration, giving them lifts to places if you don’t live somewhere with good transport connections, and letting them have an input into what they wear rather than forcing them to wear the things you like or have their hair the way you want it.

If you don’t do those sorts of things, or you make it unreasonably difficult for them, they will resent you and they will still remember all of this when they are an adult and free to see you or not see you, as they wish.

If you want to be actively involved in your children’s (and hopefully grandchildren’s) lives later down the line, don’t do shit like this.

Because this is not about asking 13 year olds to give you money for one lift on one day. If you are even asking this question then there is almost certainly a pattern of embarrassing and unreasonable behaviour.

Tiddlywinks63 · 15/05/2018 19:27

Blimey, I could have made a fortune out of my DCs and their friends....NOT!
I cannot believe that any mother would do this unless of course they wanted to embarrass their DC and so perhaps OP you should stop pretending that you don't mind ferrying their DC around.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 15/05/2018 19:29

Don't charge her. But don't take her. They want to do two things that mean that another person has to change their plans. They get to choose to do one of them.

^^this

Or, you take them and another parent picks them up. On no account ask your DD’s friends for money!

OliviaStabler · 15/05/2018 19:35

why should I care what I look like on an anonymous forum? I'm anonymous and so are all of you!

You obviously do or you would not ask for it to be deleted!

Grobagsforever · 15/05/2018 19:38

My mum never gave lifts. It was mortifying. When my kids are teens I shall gladly taxi them, as long as they ask politely, say thanks and do a reasonable amount of helping at home.

saoirse31 · 15/05/2018 19:56

Can't believe you'd seriously charge her friends don't do it if you don't want to.

Original poster

NoMoreFreeRides · 15/05/2018 19:59

I suggested to MNHQ that they delete this because - as a couple of people said - it could be DM fodder. Apparently, they are not bothered about DM picking up stuff from here so it's staying!

Please feel free to rant away - even if you haven't read the full thread

OP posts:

bearbehind · 15/05/2018 20:08

I love a good change of story when things don't go the OPs way!

She's quite upset by it (the abusive replies) so I've asked MNHQ to delete the thread.

Is now

I suggested to MNHQ that they delete this because it could be DM fodder

TuTru · 15/05/2018 20:10

I wouldn’t charge if it were me. I’d say no sometimes but I wouldn’t charge kids x

LoveInTokyo · 15/05/2018 20:18

OP, if you’re worried about being “Daily Mail Fodder”, I suggest you behave less like Daily Mail Fodder. Especially on the internet.

chinesechicken · 15/05/2018 20:18

You sound awful! If you want to see your kids and grandkids when you're old and boring and a burden I suggest you stop being so horrible.

LoveInTokyo · 15/05/2018 20:23

I think what I like about this story is that by suggesting they “ask Mumsnet”, the OP’s daughter has probably succeeded in embarrassing her mother, which is appropriate payback for the OP embarrassing her daughter on a regular basis.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/05/2018 20:35

Very true LoveInTokyo. If you’re reading this JuniorFreeRider, you can embarrass your mother even more by contacting the daily mail and giving an interview. They’ll hopefully give you a few hundred pounds to go toward paying mummy for lifts.

purplelila2 · 15/05/2018 20:36

Why not go the whole hog and start charging her rent and food?

Do you know how ridiculous you sound OP. How very tight stingy and mean spirited.

You're daughter will remember this let's hope she doesn't charge you in old age should you need assistance.

MyKingdomForBrie · 15/05/2018 20:36

If I was one of your DD’s friend’s mums i’d think you were a little off the wall to say the least!

As for MNHQ why would they object to free publicity..

Nanny0gg · 15/05/2018 20:52

The OP was a genuine discussion DD and I had about money, expenses, budgeting, responsibility and I did say I'd ask MN because there was a time when you could discuss stuff on here.

But that isn't how you posted. You mentioned it was a discussion but you then posted: I've told DD I'll drive them but they all need to give me £2 each (including DD) to cover my parking and Costa (I'll chuck the petrol, wear & tear on car and witty repartee in for free).
As though that was your actual plan. You then continued to argue from that position.

So not a genuine 'discussion' on here at all.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 15/05/2018 21:51

Still here then...

InspMorse · 15/05/2018 21:58

OP, I think you need to RTT.

Read what you have written & read the replies to what you have written.

Your perspective is strange to say the least.

ChocolateDoll · 15/05/2018 22:06

Woah! You can’t chose to have a child and then charge said child for being a parent to them!!!

You are nuts.

Yorkshirebetty · 15/05/2018 22:14

How about calculating how much she's costing you in food and clothing? Also keep a record of how much hot water she uses and how many times her clothes get washed. If she can't pay the bill, suggest she sells a kidney.

famousfour · 16/05/2018 09:14

It's not what I would do personally but all this 'horror - what will other people think?!!' Is a bit 🤔. Do people really make decisions on that basis... just do what you think is right.

FWIW, going by the tone of your posts I have a feeling you were never intending to charge - just making a point.

CalF123 · 16/05/2018 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

itsbetterthanabox · 16/05/2018 18:57

I think it's so mean when parents live somewhere you need a car and then refuse to drive their kids (or charge them lol)
Live in a city if you don't want to drive. It's boring being a teen living in the middle of nowhere.

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