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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To charge DD and her friends for a round trip into town

350 replies

NoMoreFreeRides · 15/05/2018 13:10

DD thinks I am, so we've agreed to ask MN!

Now and again, I drive DD(13) and her friends into town. They go shopping for a couple of hours whilst I park my backside in Costa.

They want to go shopping this Saturday and were going to take the train but want to watch the Royal Wedding "live" first. We live fairly rurally so train service won't accommodate their plans.

I've told DD I'll drive them but they all need to give me £2 each (including DD) to cover my parking and Costa (I'll chuck the petrol, wear & tear on car and witty repartee in for free).

DD thinks I'm being tight and embarrassing

Who's right me obviously

OP posts:
stellarfox · 15/05/2018 13:48

I don’t think you should charge them but I think the other parents should all take a turn. It’s not fair on you if you do it every weekend. I wouldn’t charge them though as I can see how that could be embarrassing

GnotherGnu · 15/05/2018 13:48

Tell them to ask the other parents. It's clearly their turn.

Original poster
NoMoreFreeRides · 15/05/2018 13:48

How about you drive them into town and drop them off and another parent does the pick up

It's a 40 mile round trip so it wouldn't make sense for a couple of hours. Plus I don't mind a sit down in Costa an artisan coffee hipster place especially if the kids are paying

And the other parents - lovely as they are - would go Hmm Shock at the very thought of driving 4 teenagers into town!

OP posts:
somanyfeministsthesedays · 15/05/2018 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MightyMucks · 15/05/2018 13:51

None of the other parents take them shopping en masse.

Yes! They say No! Like you are also free to do!

Starlight2345 · 15/05/2018 13:51

Put it where you want yabu.

You said you would put it to Mn. You have heard Mn. Are you giving them a lift ?

gussyfinknottle · 15/05/2018 13:51

Give her a lift. Drop not subtle hints about getting you a nice (not expensive) treat or doing some chores for you in return.

passmetheloppers · 15/05/2018 13:51

The last time I taxi-ed my teen dd to the shops at her request, she treated me to a coffee and cake in Costa to say thank you.

reachforthewine · 15/05/2018 13:52

Don't charge them.

MyDcAreMarvel · 15/05/2018 13:52

Do you understand transporting your child is part of parenting.

IIIustriousIyIllogical · 15/05/2018 13:52

@somanyfeministsthesedays

Aren't you a treat dear!!

Nothing like projecting..... Wink

Annonymiss123 · 15/05/2018 13:53

YABVU

I did most of the driving when my kids were teens. Mine was also the house where a gang of up to a dozen lads used to come every day at lunch time eating me out of house and home. At their graduation last June they gave me a bottle of wine and a gorgeous card, with a lovely message thanking me for the years of pizza, tea, etc. It made all the late night unpaid taxi trips worth it.

Yesiamhappy · 15/05/2018 13:53

We lived rurally when I was a teen and my father never gave me a lift anywhere - I hated it and it really affected me making friends / joining activities after school

It’s still annoys me and I refuse to live rurally with teens - it’s unfair on them to be stuck in the middle of nowhere

farangatang · 15/05/2018 13:53

I suspect illustriously is the OP who namechanged so it appears someone else agrees that this isn't the tightest, most bizarre behaviour.

Don't take them if you don't want to, but if you do, it's pathetic to charge them.

gussyfinknottle · 15/05/2018 13:54

Leave payback time to when she learns to drive.

mikeyssister · 15/05/2018 13:54

DD3 is 13, we live in a small town. Local shops are 30 mins on bus. I give lifts when it suits and also pay to top up her travel card. If lifts don't suit they get the bus.
DD1 is nearly 18 and works in a different town. Train times and bus often don't suit her for work. We give her a lift if we can and also top up her travel card for when she does get bus or train.
Recently drove DS and DD1 for two hours for an event they were taking part in and then bought them home.
All help out around house and do things to help me in my work. It's swings and roundabouts and we're a family and that's families do for each other.

I know where they are, who they're with and what they're doing. They're not drinking or doing drugs or involved in antisocial behaviour or even just hanging around annoying us or neighbours. What's not to like. Slightly different in our case because other parents also do drops and collects, but that wouldn't worry me anyway.

Eatalot · 15/05/2018 13:54

Come on op you and dd agreed you would ask mnet. You seem to be hanging on to be told you are right. Its a resounding yabu for 99.9% so there is your answer. If she was older maybe but 13 come on barely a teenager. Plus are your dd friends well off. Would you really take money off a kid who has little.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 15/05/2018 13:55

Tell them to go Sunday instead?

Or go on the train and watch the wedding in town?

Or go next weekend?

But you chose to live in the arse end of nowhere, not your DD, so I think you owe it to them to get them places really.

Eatalot · 15/05/2018 13:56

Feel free to ask dd to do a few extra choors. But charging her mates. Arghh cringe.

FASH84 · 15/05/2018 13:56

Gosh my lift debt would be more than my student loan, you chose to live rurally she didn't.

Original poster
NoMoreFreeRides · 15/05/2018 13:56

i didn't choose to live rurally - you go where the work is!

And I'm not playing the martyr or being resentful. They're lovely girls - including my DD - and I don't care if the parents don't reciprocate, it's my choice to take them places.

I just don't think it'd do them any harm to learn the value of money - they all have enough to spare judging by the haul they bring back to the car.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 15/05/2018 13:58

Don't charge..please..

But also tell them to use the train as it's not convenient for you to drive...

You don't have to go with them at that age...

TeeBee · 15/05/2018 13:58

Ah yes, 40 miles is a long way. In that case either refuse and let them find their own way, or embrace the alone-time and go shopping yourself. Is there a friend you can meet up with to make the most of it? You don't need to do something that causes you resentment. Or maybe say you'll do it this time, but its someone else's turn next time. Personally, I would use the chance to get to know the girls and the gossip. As they become teenagers, any time with them becomes precious (mainly because they are usually out doing their own thing), so I would make the most of it. They'll be moving out before too long.

pumpkinpie01 · 15/05/2018 13:59

Thats part of parenting - simple. I have done years of running my kids and their friends around and never charged once, wouldnt dream of it. There are other ways to treat them the value of money.

WhatCanIDoNowPlease · 15/05/2018 13:59

People who say it's part of parenting teenagers etc are completely right, but why should op be out of pocket for other people's children then?