To be upset/concerned about new preschool helper and DS's dummy!

[flightattendant]

I am feeling a bit disturbed after preschool this morning.
When I collected DS he was in tears about something - unrelated to this - and being cuddled by one of the helpers I'd never met before. I think she's been there a few weeks.
He ran to me and I held him, then she walked up to me and stood with her face about 10" away from mine (I had to back away, but couldn't really without being obvious) and started to say,
'He was really a good boy yesterday, he put his dummy in his pocket and didn't try and get it out again'.
I've never discussed with anyone there, DS's (occasional) use of a dummy, although the usual ladies are aware and supportive of his bottle, which he still takes most days - it was one thing which helped him through the tough 'settling in' he went through in January.
I replied to her, 'Er - he is allowed to have a dummy. I don't mind it'.
She said then, 'I couldn't understand what he was saying'.
I said 'Fair point', but at this stage was wondering what exactly this woman had said to him - I know a lot of people have a problem with dummies, and we get well-meaning shop assistants telling him he's too big for it now, etc, which I can usually dismiss when I'm there so he isn't affected.
But I do think this woman is strange, and what's more I resent the way she is trying to impose some rule onto him - it's not her place to do that. I don't give a stuff if he needs something to comfort him when I can't be there...even if he is almost four.

Don't know why it wound me up so much.
Just needed to vent!

F&Z you may be right if it was a nursery, but it wasn't it was pre-school ie an educational establishment, not just daycare.

It would be interesting to ask whether the pre-school has a written policy on the use of dummies, and if so, why they hadn't let the OP know about it before. Are pre-schools encouraged, or even forced to have this policy by Ofsted or the government, I wonder?

When my dc were at preschool there was a policy about children not having sweets during the sessions. One mother of a very fat child was upset when this was enforced with her child. (Actually the size of the child is not relevant here except that it's the reason I remember this.)

flight attendant, it wound you up so much because YOU are his mother and it is down to you how you parent your child, you pay these people to look after your child while you are away and if having his dummy makes him feel better then he should have it.

Ive not read many of the threads but i should ignore those who are jumping on the anti dummy bandwagon. DD1 had a dummy, DD2 has her thumb. DD1 is 16 and doesnt need it now (at least thats what she tells me ). You might want to try what we did, DP cut the teats off of all DD1's dummies, i went balistic, DD1 however simply never asked for her dummy again as they were no use to her.

As for speech problems, i wouldnt know, but DD1(with dummy) had no problems, DD2 (no dummy) has speech delay!

Coppertop makes a damn good point about the sports bottle - we did this swap and ds1 still (age 4) calls the sports bottles his "BIg Boy Blue Bottles)

I would hope a pre-school would have a policy about working with parents and being sympathetic to an individual child's needs rather than a policy on dummies

I had a blankie. Apparently I used to wrap it over and round my head like a wimple. Then sit as far away as possible from everyone else. And rock. With my back to them. At nearly 4.

Well adjusted - was I fuck, It has taken loads of bloody effort to be even passably normal .

If it had been forcibly/firmly removed I think it would have been pretty cruel so on reflection I say tell the helper to leave off.

I sucked my thumb for a LONG time - sucking didn't suddenly cease to be comforting after a certain age

F & Z, I think it was more that if they allowed one child to have his dummy, then all of the other children who used theirs to go to sleep would want theirs!

And it was a pre-school, for 3-4 year olds, before they went into Reception - more "schooly" than a nursery.

I'm still not happy about "What's it got to do with them" (the nursery). DD2's school tried to implement a "fruit only as a snack" rule and lots of parents got angry and shouted that if they wanted to give their children chocolate and crisps then they bloody well would and WTF had it got to do with the school?

lol hatrick at the small rock (is it the same rock or do you have several identical ones if one needs to go in the washing machine)?

Elastic I was not talking about daycare. I meant an educational establishment, also.

Twiglett, i take it your posts arent entirely serious! WTF is using reins a "chav" thick parent thing to do? I must have missed something.

Yes it is an interesting comparison -poor diet versus dummy use, and what the nursery's role is

it really opens a can of worms, but what most people on this thread have objected to. are not health concerns, but the aesthetic aspects of dummy use and the fact that they think it is freaky and sick

flightattendant,haven't read the whole thread, but I'm with you on this one.
Dummies....love 'em.
Will anyone be remotely interested in how old your ds was when he gave up his dummy when he's...say...20?

OK I can understand allowing a dummy or other comforter for a couple of settling in sessions but if these are needed on a regular basis then maybe the child isn't ready for pre-school.

Although if places are strict about bottles and dummies what do they do about thumb-suckers?

DD1 lost touch with her best friend after they went to different secondary schools but this girl was still sucking her thumb and twiddling her hair in yr6. For some children it's a hard habit to break.

oh franny off you go again

go on tell us how normal it is for an NT 9 year old to be have a bottle of SMA formula and a dummy for bedtime

my friends brother used to settle down watching a film and would end up sucking his thumb with his fingers wrapped round his nose. he was 16 and 6'2. Still cute though.

lucyellensmum .. please feel free to do a title search on reins .. honestly .. gake your blood pressure tablets first though

hatrick...how did your daughter become attached to a rock? I am intrigued.

I think many parents are anxious about their kids having a dummy because they're worried about what people think.

Oh, sorry, is "kids" chavvy?

Going back to sucking - I read in some information about brain gym that concentrated sucking is good as it causes crossing of the midline of the brain.

I've read John Bowlby, it is about attahment to people not to dummies from what I can remeber
Have you looked at Erikson and childhood development,
People find dummies bottles etc for older toddlers / preschoolers as a infantising them, is there any way you could limit it to evenings or before pre school, in some ways it is about conforming to societal expectations adn not making your child noticible dofferent but equally it is important for you ds to learn to be without his dummy and to learn more grown up ways of reassuring himself -

DD1 collects stones Hatrick but she is unfaithful to them all/ Very fleeting relationships so far.

And yeuch to your ex.