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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset/concerned about new preschool helper and DS's dummy!

190 replies

flightattendant · 17/05/2007 17:11

I am feeling a bit disturbed after preschool this morning.
When I collected DS he was in tears about something - unrelated to this - and being cuddled by one of the helpers I'd never met before. I think she's been there a few weeks.
He ran to me and I held him, then she walked up to me and stood with her face about 10" away from mine (I had to back away, but couldn't really without being obvious) and started to say,
'He was really a good boy yesterday, he put his dummy in his pocket and didn't try and get it out again'.
I've never discussed with anyone there, DS's (occasional) use of a dummy, although the usual ladies are aware and supportive of his bottle, which he still takes most days - it was one thing which helped him through the tough 'settling in' he went through in January.
I replied to her, 'Er - he is allowed to have a dummy. I don't mind it'.
She said then, 'I couldn't understand what he was saying'.
I said 'Fair point', but at this stage was wondering what exactly this woman had said to him - I know a lot of people have a problem with dummies, and we get well-meaning shop assistants telling him he's too big for it now, etc, which I can usually dismiss when I'm there so he isn't affected.
But I do think this woman is strange, and what's more I resent the way she is trying to impose some rule onto him - it's not her place to do that. I don't give a stuff if he needs something to comfort him when I can't be there...even if he is almost four.

Don't know why it wound me up so much.
Just needed to vent!

OP posts:
Original poster
flightattendant · 17/05/2007 20:04

I didn't suddenly start giving him one - he found one lying around the house I think, and just wanted to try it. It is occasional and not a serious habit.

Really not sure what you mean, Twiglett. I don't breastfeed him btw, that stopped at 16 months - a bit disgusting by some peple's standards, to carry on so long...and I wasn't too keen to go beyond that as he didn't need it imo.

Used cloth nappies - guilty as charged??

What DO people say/think about it? What does it say about my parenting?

Please elaborate!!

OP posts:
cornsilk · 17/05/2007 20:04

Children will still want to suck for comfort after 12 months of age. My ds (6) comes home from school with his tie wringing wet because he's been sucking it and he has even sucked his arm and left purple marks. He has never had a dummy - just a blanket which he still has at bed time. All children are different and have different needs.

MrsSchadenfreude · 17/05/2007 20:04

I'm sorry, but WTF would you decide to give a 3 year old child a dummy?! That's just plain barking!

Twiglett · 17/05/2007 20:05

do you really want to know what people think about children using dummies?

MrsSchadenfreude · 17/05/2007 20:06

If I see a child with a dummy, I think "Thick, Chav parents."

Sorry...but you did ask!

CODalmighty · 17/05/2007 20:06

yep.

Original poster
flightattendant · 17/05/2007 20:07

Yeah I do! Could you tell me?

OP posts:
Twiglett · 17/05/2007 20:10

thick chav parents is one definitely

parent wants child to stay quiet .. they're called dummies for a reason (make them dumb)=> child is neglected (emotionally)

parent wants child to stay a baby and refuses to allow it to grow up

parent is too stupid to realise the dental / language developmental issues associated with dummies

child walks over parent - has no behavioural parameters - why else would they allow such an old child to still have a dummy

will try to think of more

Original poster
flightattendant · 17/05/2007 20:10

MrsSF - Ok, but I'm not thick really - don't think I'm a chav - IQ of 135 usually means you're quite clever, but that's not really proof, just an aside...I might easily be ignorant and probably am considering I had no idea this was such a major issue for so many people. I know I'm a bad parent in many ways, but hadn't a clue this was something that was considered so dire!
I'm not thick though. Honest..

OP posts:
Original poster
flightattendant · 17/05/2007 20:11

Twiglett - Right. Thanks for that. Trying to work out which one I am...
I did ask.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 17/05/2007 20:13

yes you did I'm afraid

DeviousDaffodil · 17/05/2007 20:13

Chav - I absolutely hate that word!

speccy · 17/05/2007 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

niceglasses · 17/05/2007 20:13

I would be slightly peeved. Mine gave up dummy at 5 and 3 at Christmas - my decision. I suppose they think they are doing the right think, but I totally know where you are coming from. Used to hate it when pple assumed I wanted them to forsake it - it honestly didn't bother me.

Really great speakers both of them too!!!

Twiglett · 17/05/2007 20:14

you would of course have to pierce his ears and use reins too to fit into much of these

oh and use gel in his hair

jakethepeg · 17/05/2007 20:15

Hi

My son is just 3 and has a dummy at bedtime and will also ask for it if he is ill or very tired during the day. Doesn't have it at nursery and is quite happy not having it during the day. In fact I think we'll be seeing the back of it in the next few weeks... but he has a blanket (had since he was teeny in an incubator) and its dog eared and bobbly etc but he LOVES it. Now I'll tackle the getting rid of dummy but what do you reckon about blanket? He kind of strokes his hand along the edge of it and likes it at bed time and when watching TV or feeling tired. Massive comfort to him. Is there a huge taboo about children having comfort blankets too?
Sorry for the hi-jack of thread, I don't think you are being unreasonable in wanting to be the one to decide when your son has a dummy but its probably in your son's interests to go without it at pre-school in preparation for proper school. There's nothing like other kids teasing!
x

niceglasses · 17/05/2007 20:15

think

Agree re chav........lazy shorthand for lower class (imo)

misdee · 17/05/2007 20:17

hmmm

speccy · 17/05/2007 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
flightattendant · 17/05/2007 20:17

Jake - i've no idea, nobody seems to want to answer that question about blankets...

Niceglasses - my hero! Your message made me feel I had one person who didn't think I was batty! Thankyou for being brave...

OP posts:
Original poster
flightattendant · 17/05/2007 20:19

Speccy, what you on about? Please define difference between soggy old blanket and soggy old dummy...?

OP posts:
niceglasses · 17/05/2007 20:20

Tip: when you want them to give it up (or they seem ready to obviously) - hang them on the Christmas tree, Santa will leave extra pressie, blah de blah. Bobs yer uncle, Fannys yer anunt. Not a beep out of either of them.

Then had a girl who wouldn't entertain a dummy, so just shows you - even a pro-dummy dumb as f* mother can have a child who won't have one. Ta Da!

Original poster
flightattendant · 17/05/2007 20:21

heh he he...

OP posts:
MrsSchadenfreude · 17/05/2007 20:22

Soggy old blanket not generally dragged round all day, confined to the bedroom, does not affect speech, does not have Chav connotations...

Twiglett · 17/05/2007 20:22

I don't think you're being batty at all

I think, like all parents, you muddle along doing what feels right / what you believe is right ... I think, again like all parents, you may have inadvertantly fallen into doing something that feels normal but is not necessarily right to other parents

Don't think you've done anything wrong

Just in some people's eyes you'll be judged for it

but feck it you're judged whatever you do

and yes I always thought chav was shorthand for common too

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