To think he should pay on first date???

[namechangerforthis123]

Had a 'frank' discussion with a girlfriend at the w/e who was outraged that I thought a first date should pay for dinner.

I am v independent, decent career, probably generally feminist views on the whole.
He made it v clear he liked me.

But it was such a turn off when he started calculating how much it was each! 

It just was a passion killer; can't explain why!!

Would be interested to hear the MN view on this. Get your flame throwers ready! 

Other than the ‘important’ stuff I can’t stand feminism. I’m happy for a man to pay for me. I’d also never ask out a man. I like taking care of our home and children. I’d love to not have to work and my husband be the sole breadwinner, and have food on the table ready for him when he gets home. I like wearing a bra.

As for the PP who said that it’s like he’s trying to buy you - what’s he buying? All this modern feminism seems to create an excuse for men to be cheapskates, boycott any sort of chivalry or romance, not provide for their children/family and live a commitment free existence (if they choose to). It’s rubbish.

Fucking hell. I'm off. Jesus wept.

I just paid for my boyfriend’s dinner about a week ago - first time in a year of dating and I only got away with it because I was lightning fast.

I’m clearly not first dating anyone now but my view is it depends on the date. If it’s going terrible, split. If there’s a good vibe and he insists on paying, say you’ll get the next one.

This is not about being a damsel. It’s about allowing people to express themselves and if he wants to pay, let him?!

Morons post has to be tongue in cheek?

Hiphop i was just going to post the same as you.

@Baubletrouble43 Fucking hell. I'm off. Jesus wept

Everyone stay calm!!!

What's jumps out at me reading this thread is that people see equality purely from a financial perspective.

People also see equality in a relationship as literally meaning that you pay and do 50/50 in everything! It almost becomes a competition, tit for tat! It's what's works for you as a couple and everything doesn't have to come down to money, especially not in a loving mutual relationship.

I don't think @Goldilocks3Bears is tongue in cheek...

Each to their own I say! That is an occasional fantasy of mine, too when life is tough...but not something I want in reality!

@SentfromHeaven - very well said

You’re not genuinely v independent if your literally expecting a free dinner
It’s outdated,and entitled to expect a man to pay.because he’s the bloke
And I split bill with my dp,we individually pay for what we ate and drank

Can I ask why is a man a tightness if he doesn't pay? However a women isn't if she doesn't pay?

Do you split the usage of the loo roll too!!!

No we dont. We pay from the family account which is shared and we both put money in.

So, look into the languages of love. My language of love, how I give love is touch and gifts (a surprise cake for a friend for example), how I best receive it is quality time and touch. My boyfriend receives love best as words of affirmation and quality time and he gives love best by word of affirmation and gifting.

Stay with me

So to start with, he kept trying to do things for me and I kept saying no as I’m the gifting person myself and not used to receiving. I then realised that he needed to be allowed to give me things and stopped being pig headed and everything was easier.

Sometimes, it’s ok for someone else to do something “more” than you. It doesn’t make you less kick ass independent woman.

And this applies in ALL your relationships. Give it some thought.

We'll I'd be dividing the sheets after your next shop, lol!

You’re not genuinely v independent if your literally expecting a free dinner

I think it takes quite a lot more than paying for your own dinner to be truly independent. I own, run, manage my own home solo, bring up a child solo, work etc. Yep, I think I'm fine with my level of independence! Thanks anyway!

No thanks happy how we are

Wow Goldilocks well said

You’re not independent enough to get your purse out around a date though

Its ok it seems to treat low income women with derision and tell them they should have made better choices etc but then when the inevitable petitions are created to stop things like this from happening us lowlier womens signatures are sought and needed THEN its Wheres your support Wheres the sister hood.

@HelenaDove low income woman can do as they dam well please, but they shouldn’t have chip on their shoulder and expect anyone else to subsidise them at the start of a new relationship

Men don’t owe women a free meal in exchange for the pleasure of their company.

Get over your entitlement to be ‘looked after’ like a caged bird.

I’ve only done 50-50. I don’t see why I should pay for a person that I’m not (yet) invested in. It’s not about generosity, I’m generous towards people that are dear to me not relative strangers. E.g: last year my best friend and I went to Japan for three weeks, I paid for him since he has a rather limited salary. No issue.

A bit weird to equate voracious swiping of credit/debit/whatever cards with positive qualities. Unless you are looking for a partner that will take care of you financially. No shame in that. It’s a valid goal.

I feel that going somewhere with a person you think to like should be enough.

@FFS RTFT!!!!! I paid half!!!! My purse surfaced!!!

sent that’s a good point - so why didn’t op pay for him instead?

Furano i said from page 1 i would pay half and all the way through the thread I was referring to something YOU said upthread

But you knew that didnt you

namechanger theres a lot of gaslighting going on in this thread

Looks like im going to have to do another copy and paste (sigh)