To think he should pay on first date???

[namechangerforthis123]

Had a 'frank' discussion with a girlfriend at the w/e who was outraged that I thought a first date should pay for dinner.

I am v independent, decent career, probably generally feminist views on the whole.
He made it v clear he liked me.

But it was such a turn off when he started calculating how much it was each! 

It just was a passion killer; can't explain why!!

Would be interested to hear the MN view on this. Get your flame throwers ready! 

And I have noticed the most angry and vitriolic posts on this thread are from men

That's bullsh*t, I've even had to tell someone to calm down and I'm arguing the same point. Don't lie to make your point.

I apologise I forgot that I put the @ there.

Even with @ not being there it still reads like you have accused me of saying something i havent.

Ok apologise. However a large number of people have been saying it.
And many have accused me of being a penny pincher. Sexist. Only caring about men. Having and dating history. Etc etc etc

Isnt not paying for the date like a transaction also? That's if you wanna take that mindset anyway. Itll cost the man X amount of monry for Y time, just seems like an informal escort agency.

Oh my god! Cannot believe the traffic on this post....!!

I have to respond to 3 things;

1. Stop having a go at @Pa1oma - if she wants to have bloody Botox that's up to her. She sounds like a savvy cookie. Lay off attacking her just coz she likes to look good fgs!

1. @WilburIsSomePig - don't tell me I'm not a feminist, you don't know me at all. It's not your god given right to define who is and isn't a feminist.

1. @siwel123 - when everything is gender equal, I'll stop worrying about things not being gender equal. As I said earlier, I suffer the ill effects of the non gender equal society / patriarchy (I've been left on my own bringing up DS on my own whilst ex gallivants around like a singleton with neither job, salary nor prospects affected negatively in any way as a result of having had children. Meanwhile mine are severely affected as a result of having children becaUse someone had (& v much wAnts) to look after our DS & it sure as hell wasn't going to be him) whilst also now being expected to pick up the tab at the other end of it?! Er, no! So if I bloody well want a man to pay on a date, I bloody well can. Up to me. No one else lives in my shoes.

Sure as hell wasn't going to be ho meaning he refused to.

There is no reason before having children for a woman to earn less than her partner. If you chose a lower paid career, or didn’t work as hard as your partner in the early child free years, or had a lack of ambition, more fool you.

Of course there is In my 20's I left my career to look after a parent with terminal cancer. I came back to the jobs market 2.5 years later and found it very hard to find a job at the same level and salary. Apparently the time gap meant I could not 'hit the ground running' and I might have 'lost' my skills even though I could prove otherwise on both counts.

I had no choice but to take slightly lower paid work and work my way back up; that took time. In no way was that a 'lack of ambition' or a lack of 'hard work' on my part.

@WilburIsSomePig - don't tell me I'm not a feminist, you don't know me at all. It's not your god given right to define who is and isn't a feminist.

Goodness, I appear to have touched a nerve. Just because you call yourself something doesn't make it so. You claim to be something that your attitude suggests is not the case. Deny it all you like.

Oh so you're ex is a sick and then means you can choose which bits of equality you want? OK.

Thanks OP and sorry to hear about the situation with your ex. I think this is one way in which the UK concept of equality actually fails women because it's too easy these days for men with no sense of responsibility to provide for their families to just bugger off and carry on as if their lives were never impacted by children, leaving their ex to do it all.

No he should pay for the first date you can buy a round of drinks afterwards

Was the lady hoping to get a shag on the first date? Then she should pay.

No need for a calculator - half each. If a woman expected me to pay for it because I’m a bloke there would be no second date. End of.

He can offer, but it shouldn't be a given, that the guy pays.

Personally I hate a bloke paying for everything. Can’t bare to owe someone or someone thinking I “owe” them something etc so I would try to split the bill. I’m fiercely independent though and want to do everything myself and look after myself by myself and not everyone’s like that.
Plus, us women are always moaning that we’re not treated equally to men but then we expect them to pay for everything, it’s a total contradiction and really annoys me!
However, his calculating what you both had etc would totally annoy me too, you just split the bill 50/50, he sounds like a total tight arse!

I agree he shouldn't have to pay, but should at least offer if he wants to make a good impression.

When I was dating I assumed 50/50. Even with the dude whose profile was all about how rich he was. I'd not be impressed with a guy breaking down the receipt into exact detail on his and hers though... I'd bin him on that basis!

person who invited and chose restaurant should pay

If I invite a friend for lunch then I pay. If I invited a man for dinner, I would pay for it. If If I invited my mum mum to tea, I would pay.
What is so difficult about thIs? If a man invites me for dinner then I would assume he was paying.

Yep totally agree that first date he should pay!

First date with DP he paid but I offered and indeed did pay for a couple of rounds of drinks.

Your date actually fully went through the bill working out what you each had?! Haha. How awkward. If anything he could have just said we can split 50/50 if he didn't want to pay the full amount. What a dweeb.

For me it wouldn’t be a turn off, & I wouldn’t expect they pay but would be nice gesture if they did. I guess you bring your best on a first date & you might think he’d treat you. I don’t think him paying means he’s buying you though, or you owe him anything. I think I’m quite traditional though.
Working out specifically though I think is a bit off. Maybe halve it, unless he had way more & was working it out to be fair to you?

It is 2018 why wouldn't it be split. A turn off because he didn't offer to pay.... seriously!

Saying that there are some 'ladies' that go on endless first dates and never pay... is it a way of getting out more for free? Reliable source.

Turn off galore! I would pay the next date & alternate going forward but If the guy organised the date, then he definitely came across as unprepared and let the money counting ruin the romance...messed up!

Call me old fashioned but he should’ve paid. He asked you out I’m assuming? (Sorry haven’t read the whole thread). If you asked him out perhaps you should offer. But to me paying on the first date is a nice gesture and people should get over the whole why because he’s male thing question. Accepting chivalry doesn’t make you dependent on men or make men misogynistic.
Equality in life between men and women goes far deeper than paying for a fucking meal or opening doors for that matter!