To think he should pay on first date???

[namechangerforthis123]

Had a 'frank' discussion with a girlfriend at the w/e who was outraged that I thought a first date should pay for dinner.

I am v independent, decent career, probably generally feminist views on the whole.
He made it v clear he liked me.

But it was such a turn off when he started calculating how much it was each! 

It just was a passion killer; can't explain why!!

Would be interested to hear the MN view on this. Get your flame throwers ready! 

@PanGalaticGargleBlaster

*Maybe she wants to be looked after financially?

Maybe she is just lazy and entitled, that would be my conclusion if an otherwise able bodied and reasonably intelligent women wanted to be 'kept' for the rest of her life.*

That is your opinion though. Just because you vehemently disapprove, doesn't mean it isn't a choice for someone else.

"Since 1991, the increase in the proportion of women at work has levelled off.

While the overall pay gap between men and women has narrowed – to 10% for full-time workers – some traditionally lower-paid occupations remain overwhelmingly dominated by women, according to the ONS. For example, 82% of workers in "caring, leisure and other services", and 77% of administrative and secretarial workers are female.

Even among those who class themselves as professional – a group which is half male, half female – the ONS pointed to marked gender differences, with nursing the most common occupation for professional women, while for men it was better-paid programming and software development. Nurses earn an average of £16.61 an hour, compared with more than £20 for software programmers"

Harsh - please don't compare me to Melania Trump fgs!
All I can say to you is that my husband respects me for what I do and have done over the years and vice versa. We're a team, we had children together and are trying to raise them the best way we know how. He comes from a culture in which the role of women in the home is something to be revered actually, not sidelined in the way it so often is here. He does not think it's nothing or lazy, that's for sure. In his culture, you put your wife and family first. It's a different perspective to yours, I can see that, but relationships do vary and there is no right or wrong way.

www.resolutionfoundation.org/media/press-releases/men-and-women-sharing-low-paid-work-equally-would-close-the-gender-pay-gap-by-a-fifth/

suppose all this depends on whether your brand of 'feminism' revolves around 'women are just as good as and pretty much exactly the same as men, and so can act just like them and should do so!'

or 'women have been oppressed for hundreds of years and face certain biological differences by which they are still oppressed. The unpaid work they do is both completely negated and also allows the economy to prosper and for men in general to prosper and earn more, hold more positions of power.... To deny these things is to further oppress women. To deny that women may make different choices to men because of their ability to bear children and to undermine and undervalue those choices, further oppresses women. To add to the devaluing of work which is traditionally carried out by women for free further oppresses women. To deny that the more traditionally masculine a job is the more it is paid, further oppresses women.'

HelenaDove

If you are quoting ONS reports then I see you have omitted the one from a few years back that informed us that women between the ages of 22 and 40 earned marginally more then men.

As to comparing nurses wages to software developer wages I'm not sure what point you are making? They are two different industries, one public and one private, that place different premiums on wages. Or are you trying to suggest that because women make up most of the nursing population they are deliberately paid less?

Pan do you have a link.

For someone who claims to care about equality you are coming across as very "what about the menz"

I have never had a first date dinner. My husband ( the first date) bought theatre tickets, bought interval drinks , and drove there and back.
However when my marriage falls , as it is to do “statistically “ , I do not think I could be bothered with all this .
From my response earlier I am obviously a gold digger , amoral, and something else not very nice.
Makes me feel as if I am dog poo for having the opinion that the person who asked you out should pay.

triangle i think that the option of remaining childfree by choice is something that should be talked about in schools. And explored as part of Life Skills lessons Do teens still have those lessons in high school?

I have no problem with splitting the bill ie the bill is £37.52 so stick £20 in each & leave the change.

I would be very put off if a date started itemising the bill unless there was a drastic difference like they'd had one course & a glass of water & I'd had 3 courses and a bottle of wine.

triangle totally agree with your post.

Shampain im more likely to end up widowed than divorced as DH is 23 yrs older than me with health conditions.

Id rather be alone with cats than go through all the crap + poilitics described here.

I'm in the everyone should be equal. Why shouldn't everyone be equal?
I appreciate the role women play in society as well as men.
But let's get to the point, this is about a first date. It is sexist to expect and basically a man pay for you because he is a man.

@HelenaDove yes

But siwel Income plays a big part unless you are expecting a date to pay with magic beans.

In my case i would be happy to go somewhere cheaper as well as go halves..............wouldnt bother me.

siwel123 I dont think its 'sexist' to take into account the differences of situation and experiences faced by men and women. So although Id never 'expect' a man to pay for a first date I would certainly consider it a good sign if he did.
Equality is not always about treating everyone the same – it is about treating people in such a way that the outcome for each person can be the same.

I would choose somewhere both can afford and like. That is a decent thing to do.
My wife actually earned more then me for a while so I hate the suggestion it would be the women paying with magic beans when many women earn a good wage. Don't get me wrong across society there's in some industries that have pay gaps. And more women work in lower paid jobs. But many men do to.

Let's just get back on focus and realise it is only fair to pay for what you've had.

I sometimes read the dating threads and there is/was a male poster on there who moaned that his date wasnt "entertaining" enough So women are expected to be performing seals now as well.

I laughed my socks off when one of his dates recognised him from what he posted and started posting on the thread with her side of things.

Was a real eye opener to the expectations internet dating has created.

I wouldnt do OLD if they fucking PAID ME to do it

Not all women are paupers. I hate the thing of men should pay as they earn more.
Well someone upthread first said that is intrue.
And secondly sometimes women earn more. Sometimes men do.
But you both went for a meal and consented to eat that meal and drink the drinks so should pay your share.

Should men be charged more for the same CD then above poster?

50/50. The end. Why on earth do you think he should pay for you? How presumptuous and rude!

That is one man's expectations. There's a lot more women that expect men to pay on here.

triangle there is a great meme which describes what you said It shows 3 people of different heights standing on boxes but i dont know how to copy and paste memes.

Another good example of sexism is that New Look have been charging more for their plus size ranges.

I dont recall seeing the same from Burton or Topman.

Oh dear. It was one shops choice. Topman could do it but decided not to. That's not sexism that is a private companies decision to charge more for bigger clothing which any shop can do regardless of male and frmale.

Pan do you have a link

I do

"Figures from the Office for National Statistics show that between the ages of 22 and 29 women earn 1.1% more than men of the same age, and between 30 and 39 women earn 0.2% more than men in the same age group (note PER HOUR)."

ONS figures(Fig 9, page 12):
www.ons.gov.uk/ons/dcp171778_385428.pdf

"Figure 9 shows gender pay differences by age group. The gap is relatively small up to, and including, the 30-39 age group (with the exception of the 16-17 age group). In fact, the gap is negative for the 22-29 and 30-39 age groups, meaning that women earn on average more than men.Thereafter, there is a relatively large positive gap. This is likely to be connected with the fact that many women have children and take time out of the labour market."

For someone who claims to care about equality you are coming across as very "what about the menz"

Come on Helena, you are better then that, it was an honest query, so I am not sure how you arrived at that conclusion.

Pay gap stats over the years have been appalling abused by different interest groups all of whom seem content to lump all male earnings together and all female earnings together and pointing at the difference and screaming sexism when the reality has a bit more nuance to it.