To think he should pay on first date???

[namechangerforthis123]

Had a 'frank' discussion with a girlfriend at the w/e who was outraged that I thought a first date should pay for dinner.

I am v independent, decent career, probably generally feminist views on the whole.
He made it v clear he liked me.

But it was such a turn off when he started calculating how much it was each! 

It just was a passion killer; can't explain why!!

Would be interested to hear the MN view on this. Get your flame throwers ready! 

If a man insists on paying then as far as I'm concerned it's a serious red flag and I wouldn't go on a second date. If he's prepared to ignore my request to go halves what else of my views will he disregard. BaronessEllaSaturday

Totally respect this POV but totally disagree! Unless he cut my credit card up in front of me and demanded sex in repayment of course. I would think, how nice, he obviously enjoyed our evening - and would offer to pay, but only absolutely insist if I didn't want to see him again, otherwise I'd get the bill next time.

Ooh pangalactic you have your first survey answer!

To be fair my dp does embrace all feminist principles not just the going halves on dates. He doesn't cherry pick at all. He shares childcare housework cooking ( in fact he does all the cooking!) too. My ex on the other hand insisted on paying for everything but was a misogynistic chauvinistic wanker who resisted any housework chores etc so I dumped him. So much happier now. To me personally any " old fashioned " behaviour is a red flag and those of you who profess to like an old fashioned man are the ones doing the cherry picking if you don't want to be treated in the old fashioned way re housework childcare etc.

I agree @pangalactic. As a male I did feel a lot of pressure to pay when I went on dates. And from my experience most women do pay 50.50 if they won't go out again but then like any situation in life there's always some twats. .

@Bauble. I agree people want equality but then seem to cherry pick which areas they want equality in.

@applesandpears56 why does it make him a tight arse but not the OP?

A* massive, utterly irrational, goes-utterly-against-most-of-my-largely-feminist-principles, turn off!!* You can't pick and choose what areas you want equality in to suit you...

a bold fail in previous post sorry

I've seen at least 4 posts call

what attracts us to the opposite sex is not 100% politically-correct or feminist, but some people are just more comfortable acknowledging this than others, I guess.

I really agree with this

i've seen at least 4 posts calling this man a tight arse! Why is he tight but the OP is not for not wanting to pay her bill? Why should he pay for her food? What if he didn't like her or she was rude or he just didn't have that much money? If you'd be turned off by someone who wasn't loaded then the date probably had a lucky escape.

Agree @StayingatTamaras.

Stayingattamaras I agree

It maybe does depend on what you're looking for. Paloma, from your description of all of the things you pay for your appearance (invisalign, botox, waxing, teeth whitening, lipo etc), you are possibly an incredibly good looking and high maintenance woman who wants to be on the arm of a rich executive. If that's the case, then a man who wants to go halves would rightly be a red flag.
As a woman who loves my career and earns well and would shave my legs and put on make-up for a date but wants a man who is happy with me being a size 12 and not making grooming my whole focus, I'm happier with an even-stevens type of relationship with a man who doesn't expect me to look like a model, and with me not expecting him to provide everything for me.

"Just out of curiosity, for those advocating that the man pays for a first date on the basis that 'you would get the next one' would you offer to go Dutch if you had no intention of seeing the man again?"

Absolutely of course! If I had no intention of seeing a man again, I would insist on at least paying half if not the whole bill. Just like with any other friend or acquaintance. I would put the money down and walk out if I had to.

harsh - I was in my mid 20s when I met DH. He was 30 and had not made money then. I never went out of my way to look for rich men, tbh it was never on my radar. But I respect a man who is a gent and has a certain attitude. I don't need taking care of, but I like a man who can make me feel as if he could / would - among other things! It's really not about money. It's a psychological dynamic.

And I’m sure when he realises what a money scrounger you are he will be turned off also

I would find it belittling if he insisted on paying. Old fashioned. It should be half each.

I think who ever asked who out on the first date should pay. But you would hope the gentlemanly thing would be for a man to offer especially if he likes you and would like to see you again.

But unfortunately with feminism and men being labeled these days when they do offer I think it is putting them off from doing so and then again you do just get plain down right chauvenists.

What is being a gent?
Is it ok for me to say it is only womanly if she cooks all my meals for me? NO. So why is it ok to say it is gentlemanly for someone to pay for your food and they might not even see you again?

You can't pick and choose what equality you want to suit you. You either want equality where everyone is treated equal regardless of sex or you want a world where people are expected to do something because of their Sex?

So a man is expected to pay if they want to see you again? Wow.

siwel - Do you mean "equal" or do you mean "the same". I don't feel less equal to men, but I don't want to feel the same as them either because I'm not. There are some differences between the sexes (obviously) and different expectations as a result. Admitting that is not demeaning to women, it's just life.

@Namechangerforthis123 "can't explain why". Probably your gut feeling and instincts telling you he is not for you.
I cannot believe the diverse responses on this thread now.
It looks like people should sign a pre date agreement.

It’s got nothing to with being ‘tight’ and everything to do with creating a level playing field from the off.

Maybe your date doesn't want the same playing field? Maybe she wants to be looked after financially?

Oh so it is just life, sure.
Well I expect all women to stay at home and look at the kids. NO NO NO.

It is about being equal and having equality. People want the gender pay gap closed, more women on executive boatlrds etc etc. But then men MUST pay for women according to a large portion of you just because he is a man? Bloody batshit crazy.

I think anyone should avoid the petty calculations at dinner, be it boy or girl. It's pretty crass.