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Original poster

To not understand why some parents refuse to pay proper maintenance?

389 replies

crunchymint · 14/05/2018 00:11

Yes I know, its because they are arseholes. I know that. But I still don't emotionally understand how someone cares so little about their own children that they refuse to pay maintenance, or pay as little as they can get away with. What this really means is you don't care if your child has everything they need.

OP posts:
Metoodear · 14/05/2018 13:30

If your any were decant you shouldn’t have needed to be dragged to the CSA the day you moved out something should have been set up

What often happens is NRP gets caught with trousers down of after years of abuse gets chucked out then think thing well I not taking this lying down you can fend for your self throwing me out who the hell do you think you are

£6 your right we shouldn’t be moaning because only fucktards thing paying £6 for a while extra child is expectable

And to those who say well o have another family now I say this

If you can’t afford the family you already have you shouldn’t think about having any more their is no situation Barr MH issues and sickness were you get to not look after your child and ss should view this roundly as neglect

Metoodear · 14/05/2018 13:32

And women who support men like this are ducking low you even get the CF who were single parents moan about their EX not paying while shagging somone who doesn’t pay 😶🙄

RoadToRivendell · 14/05/2018 13:35

I absolutely was not suggesting that people stop paying for their children because of step children but people have to see the wider picture. Many are too close to the situation to see beyond the end of their nose.

No. There's no wider picture. The existing children are the priority.

Metoodear · 14/05/2018 13:47

RoadToRivendell

Totally agree

I couldn’t afford to have 5 children so I didn’t ex has five children because he simply doesn’t pay for the first 2

And tbh being a NRP you or a lot less the. If you were living with the child your pretty much making a saving

RoadToRivendell · 14/05/2018 13:50

I couldn’t afford to have 5 children so I didn’t ex has five children because he simply doesn’t pay for the first 2

The most mind-boggling, despicable behaviour.

  1. How can someone justify it?
  2. How do they find women who are willing to incubate their children?
Metoodear · 14/05/2018 13:56

RoadToRivendell

Simple these women have been sold the line the ex wife was defective and their not so it would never happen to them like that they wouldn’t be so stupid.

Also
Many of those sorts of women give not a shot about their step child only care about their own children I see it one here all the time

flamingofridays · 14/05/2018 14:10

highhorse I see.

just makes you seem a little bitter than he still has more than you.

flamingofridays · 14/05/2018 14:14

If your any were decant you shouldn’t have needed to be dragged to the CSA the day you moved out something should have been set up

What often happens is NRP gets caught with trousers down of after years of abuse gets chucked out then think thing well I not taking this lying down you can fend for your self throwing me out who the hell do you think you are

talk about projecting!!!!!

in dps case, he continued paying the mortgage and a sum of money for the kids. ex decided this wasn't enough, he couldn't afford to pay more, he was living with his parents because he was paying out so much he couldn't afford to live on his own.

She took him to CSA because she thought shed get more. She got about half, and had to buy him out of the house. Not so clever.

Oh, and DP was never "thrown out after years of abuse" or "Caught with his trousers down" - he left because he was in an unhappy relationship which wasn't benefitting anyone including the kids.

Comments like that are what give decent NRPS a bad name.

PlanetMJ · 14/05/2018 14:18

Crikey, the poster who claims to know someone with 30k a year in child maintenance from their ex. My friend has three children and gets less than 12k a year in maintenance. Her ex is a civil servant earning 80k plus a year so lord only knows how much the 30k must earn!
If that 30k figure is accurate, they clearly earn enough to spare it!

sparklefluff · 14/05/2018 14:23

My question is, if the CSA calculation is deemed the minimum, what is the right calculation?

We can't continue to slate the NRP for not paying more, if we don't know what that more is supposed to be.

Everyone is going to have a different opinion of how much someone should pay/receive. It's never going to be a one size fits all approach.

We pay above (by £300 according to the CSA calculator) for our step son, my husbands first child. I receive the minimum from my ex for my eldest.

We aren't millionaires by any stretch. We don't live a luxury lifestyle. We are average.
I am happy to accept the calculated amount because it's fair. My husbands ex would not feel the same should he refuse.

What's the answer?

Ylvamoon · 14/05/2018 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1867895 · 14/05/2018 14:24

Many cases are different. My DP has his child almost 50/50 and yet is still expected to pay £500 a month in maintenance.

He works full time, he provides all clothes, toys, outings and childcare costs whilst son is with him and yet she works 16 hours a week and claims a substantial amount of benefits.

I think a lot of women do actually feel the money belongs to them and not the child.

When does it become the women's responsibility to provide a quality of lifestyle on their side for their child and not be reliant on ex-partner?

flamingofridays · 14/05/2018 14:27

sparkle the CSA must base it on something its clearly the amount they think is right.

Who are we to say how much it costs to raise a child?

its different for everyone, and everyone lives to their means. I would find £300 a shit load, to someone else, its pennies.

there is no right really.

RoadToRivendell · 14/05/2018 14:30

Simple these women have been sold the line the ex wife was defective and their not so it would never happen to them like that they wouldn’t be so stupid.

You'd have to be a complete fool to not carry out some basic due diligence on the ex-wife and kid situation.

Original poster
crunchymint · 14/05/2018 14:34

user She is presumably working when the Dc are with you. So she is doing her bit. And nobody gets a shit load of benefits, they get what they need to survive.

OP posts:
sparklefluff · 14/05/2018 14:40

Flamingo, exactly my point. There is no right and wrong.

We can't claim people who "pay the minimum"/the CSA calculator as arseholes. They are following a guideline because it's too variable.

Starlight2345 · 14/05/2018 14:49

The general problem is look at this thread. Full of my ex asks for too much, my dp pays so much .

Realistically there are a huge number of nrp not paying anything rather than personal tales look at do you think it is ok for a nrp to pay nothing ?

Kursk · 14/05/2018 14:49

My dad never paid my mum any maintenance. He moved back to the USA and we only saw him for occasional holidays. I stayed in the UK with my mum. I was sad because I got on well with my dad, more than Mum.

4 years ago I moved to the USA.

Metoodear · 14/05/2018 14:55

sparklefluff Yes you can

I I feed my child the minimum to keep her alive and the minimum to keep her clothed that would definitely make me an arsehole just because the government say that’s the minimum requirement when I know I can do more

Metoodear · 14/05/2018 14:56

That’s the definition of a arse hole actually the government website say you need £34 even though I can give you more
Even though it’s loads cheaper being a NRP and I would be paying more towards your up keep if I lived with you doing the bare minimum to get through is slacker 101

sparklefluff · 14/05/2018 15:11

What's the calculation then?

Don't tell me the standardised calculation is bullshit and not offer a solution or an option for change.

Original poster
crunchymint · 14/05/2018 15:12

If you have the money, why would you not want your kids to be able to do afterschool activities, go on nice days out, go on holidays, have a bedroom to themselves that is nicely decorated? None of this is essential, but if you can provide it, why not. Instead of just thinking - that is all she needs to feed and clothe the kids.

OP posts:
sparklefluff · 14/05/2018 15:20

Crunchy, if you pay the maintenance and pay for their clubs, why would you then pay for them to have days out with the RP if you are also paying for days out with them yourselves?

Where do you draw the line? Especially if you have equal contact with your child also?

To make my stance clear, I agree all NRP should pay maintenance in the event of the parents not living together. My issue always stands with vilifying NRP because they don't pay an undisclosed amount that is never quantified.

I am more pissed at the parents that pay zilch.

Original poster
crunchymint · 14/05/2018 15:23

sparkle Why assume I am talking about you? There are lots of parents who pay nothing, or the bare minimum even though they could afford more.
If you know that you are making sure the kids have a good life, then thats fine.

OP posts:
sparklefluff · 14/05/2018 15:28

Crunchy, I didn't assume you were talking about me?

If you are referring to my stance statement, I was just making it clear for the context of my general conversations.