To not understand why some parents refuse to pay proper maintenance?

[crunchymint]

Yes I know, its because they are arseholes. I know that. But I still don't emotionally understand how someone cares so little about their own children that they refuse to pay maintenance, or pay as little as they can get away with. What this really means is you don't care if your child has everything they need.

oswin its a tiny amount its reduced by for any resident children, and technically he is supporting them because he lives with them. His wifes salary should not be taken into account to support children she doesn't live with when chances are she contributes to them in other ways, and when they are there etc.

witches yes and their own father should be paying maintenance, if you don't want to accept financial help, or merge your finances with a partner, that's up to you but you cant demand that your ex's new wife funds your childrens lifestyle.

flaming I am not demanding anything of the sort.

I am questioning why any future partner I should live with HAS to have his income taken into account but my ex h's partner does not.

witches HAS to have his income taken into account... by who?

Not sure why either - mine agreed (voluntarily) an amount he could afford - declared it on divorce papers. And then walked off and neither spoke/rang/visited/paid for 6 months. Then started irregular contact, still no pay. So 6 grand later, I went to CSA. He now goes to all lengths to avoid talking to them, pays late/too little and now has an attachment to earnings order. And had the cheek - when he learnt he'd have to pay costs now - to suggest doing it privately. Over £8000 of arrears explains why I won't make a family agreement! I have also never mentioned this to DC, never stopped or hindered visits and still nothing.

I think - possibly - it is to do with narcissism: his needs trump those of others and as DC are fed, then there is no urgent need for cash...

Or just plain being an arsehole.

I'll tell you why my DH avoids paying maintenance if he can.
Because his ex-wife tried every trick in the book to alienate him from his sons and succeeded in the end.
The £25,000 he spent trying to see his children would have been a lot better spent on maintenance than court fees.
When he paid directly just after they split, she went to the CSA and denied she had received anything. She claimed that the £1500 payment into her account was maintenance from her first husband (whom she also alienated from his child).
When we started our own business, she contacted the CSA every six months to claim my HB lived a lifestyle higher than his wages declaration. He didn't, she had no idea of his lifestyle as she lives 200 miles away from us.
After having no relationship whatsoever with his youngest son since he was three, my HB has out of the blue received a claim for maintenance from his son to enable him to take a gap year. He is 19.
Not all dads are deadbeat dads and it all dads who don't see their children don't care.

I absolutely was not suggesting that people stop paying for their children because of step children but people have to see the wider picture. Many are too close to the situation to see beyond the end of their nose.

What is the wider picture? That some men take on other peoples children to the detriment of there own. Yes and it makes them shit bags.

No. That life is messy and never simple, and that people. Not just children suffer.

Don't forget not only do these deadbeat parents refuse to pay child support or see their children, they always expect their children at 16/17 or 18 suddenly want to see them and see how 'wonderful' they are. And when they don't the mother MUST have bad mouthed them rather then said child realising of their own back how useless the NRP is.

So the 40% is right enough then?

He does seem to talk about it all the time and the story never changes and I suppose it's easy enough to find out the amounts they are taking?

I don't know how he lives on a zero hours contract tbh. I'm on one yes but I have a DP who works as well. We couldn't afford childcare full time so I work zero hours. Means I'm still working and getting out the house but it's pocket money I'm earning.

I assume you would never date/live with a man that had children from a previous relationship then Oswin? I would put money on a lot of people complaining about this being hypocritical and living the exact way that they complain about.

My ex never got over the fact that I had the audacity that I left him and declared since being a single parent was my "lifestyle choice" (his words) he would fight tooth and nail to pay the least amount of money for our son. He fought the csa over every penny he spent on bus fares, train fares and paid £62.49 a month. When my son no longer wanted to see him every second weekend as a teenager did he let the csa know and increase his payments. Did he fuck. I was so ground down by his abuse that I did nothing. I had gone no contact years before.

My son now has nothing to do with him but the damage that man has done to my son is horrendous. As soon as my son was old enough to argue back and ask that he stopped slagging me off at every available opportunity he cut him off.

Last I heard he was old, sick and alone because no-one wants an evil sociopath in their lives.

*to leave him.

Help, i have been in a relationship with an nrp. That relationship ended fast when i realised he was scrimping his maitenance. This was before i had dd, i was young but i wasnt stupid.
Nothing wrong with having a relationship with a nrp. But having a man take on your children while his childrens maitenance goes down is shitty.
People can make excuses but its a choice to lower payments.

I think all men should have the snip after 2 children, as the state will only support up to 2 children. How irresponsible to keep getting women pregnant and then moving on to the next. Is as women can't do this (well most women) we can't walk away from our children.

oswin

so what if you have a child with someone who has children, is it right that you continue paying the same amount of maintenance and your child together potentially has a worse life than your previous kids?

*Lloyd oh believe me some women walk away from their children. maybe not many but it happens.

worriedmum There are not lots of men out there who have been raped by women, and having to pay maintenance. There are lots of women out there who have been raped and have to let the rapist have access to their child.

That is not true, rapists get not access rights with the children so sorry to cast that aside unless the family law has changed no court would grant access to the rapist of the childs mother so please do not sprout lies.

*Do not get

I thought they did? Is it only in cases where the rapist has been convicted that he does not get access?

Mine is a liar. Lies to the HMRC about how much he earns (self employed) therefore we were awarded the princely sum of £12 per week maintenance, so £48 per month. I know for a fact he earns £1,500 per week, £300 per day but tells the HMRC he earns £220 per week.
The house we were renting was £1,600 per month so how he can say he only earns £220 per week is beyond me.
We also haven't seen the £48 per month either, he chops and changes jobs so they never keep up with him but he has a degree so I know I'm that field what his earning potential is.
He also gets a new company car whilst I'm driving around in a 15 year old car.

Under UK law they can apply for access through the courts but in all my years practicing family law i do not know of a single convicted rapist gaining access to the result of his crime (allegations were no conviction do not count as in the eyes of the law they are not rapists).