To wonder why people stay Mrs after divorce?

[TrainsandDiggers]

Linked to the other popular thread (which I apologise I have not been able to read all of, so this may be repeating somewhat...) I’ve often wondered why some women chose to remain known as Mrs after divorce. Even if they want to keep their surname, why the title?

(No judgement on anyone who does this btw - just genuinely curious).

Does a man have to change his name when he gets divorced? In 99% of cases I would guess the answer is no. I really don’t think that it’s anyone’s business if I’m divorced or not. Why should I have to announce it to all and sundry by changing my name to reflect our marriage breakup? My husband wouldn’t have to! That’s why I would remain Mrs Dumbledoreswarrier If I got divorced.

CBA to change it.

Miss seems inappropriate
Ms shouts out 'divorcee' (to me anyway)
Mrs...well I don't care if people know I'm married or divorced.

I kept the surname as I disliked my maiden name AND I wanted the same name as my children.

Also...why is it still a 'thing' that women should change their prefix when they get married? Men never do. As well as change their surname. Its almost as if we are still their chattel.

Why can't all women from when the become adults, whether they marry or not be called 'Ms' and we just get rid of Miss or Mrs?

I wonder when the word mistress acquired other connotations.
Yet again, a word defining women through their attachment to men.

I ran with “Ms” for ages after my divorce. As in, “Ms Maidenname”. I was a bit lazy about changing all my stuff to Mrs Marriedname, so it wasn’t too much effort to go back.

Oddly - tell me anyone else out there if you’re doing this - 5 years after separating from ExDH and adopting “Ms”, I am drifting into calling myself “Miss” - something I didn’t expect and can’t explain to myself

Surely it must be obvious that the amount of judging, faffing and justifying going on means it would be sooooo much easier if you all just kept the name you were born with and had one honorific used by all women.

Just like men do.

Oh, and it didn’t occur to me at all to maintain calling myself “Mrs”! To me, my identity as a Mrs was over.

I remained Mrs after my divorce, mainly because I didn't want the divorce, didn't want things to change.
And I kept calling myself Mrs for many lonely years after that because I liked to think that people would see that despite me being a miserable Bag, someone once loved me enough to marry me.
It got tricky about a decade later when I got together with DP and we had a child. DD had her father's surname, I had my exH's surname and I called myself Mrs.
I eventually married DP and took his surname so all is now well.

There has been done utter carp posted on here.
Your name is not your name unless you stay married.
What about first names.
What about children where the father chose the nane, should we insist that the parent with the most responsibility cannot change surname to one which they prefer?
The argument is the same.
The dad no longer sees them do I'll change their birth name to one of my choosing, after all their dad is no longer involved in their life.

I use mrs because I do.
I don't care if you are Mrs or whatevet.
All adult females should be referred to as Mrs therefore removing any important to whether they are married or not.

Why not ms? Or is that too difficult for some people to pronounce?

*Surely it must be obvious that the amount of judging, faffing and justifying going on means it would be sooooo much easier if you all just kept the name you were born with and had one honorific used by all women.

Just like men do.*

It seems rather odd to me that women are so keen to change their name on marriage, but on divorce it’s too much faff, it’s my name and i’ll keep it etc..

Surely all that applies when you get married?

If taking his name reflects your commitment, partnership, love and all the rest, does it still do that on divorce?

It seems rather odd to me that women are so keen to change their name on marriage, but on divorce it’s too much faff, it’s my name and i’ll keep it etc..

Ooh, I know the answer to this one! It’s because most women’s maiden names are ugly and the men’s names are much nicer- that’s why.

Actually I think its because "none of your business".

I didn't change my name back to my maiden name because I preferred the married one.

It is no ones business what I call myself. Same as it is no ones business what my ex H calls himself. I’ve been Mrs Newsofas longer than I was not Mrs newsofas. If I was to change my name no one would have a clue as to who I am. I like Mrs. I don’t like Ms or miss. I think that is enough reason for me to call myself what I want. I don’t care what other people think.

And in fact now I know it really irritates so many women I’m going to continue to call myself Mrs Newsofas as it is really no one else’s problem.

i call myself Mrs Castis and dd is Miss Castis because that's what we like and it's nobody else's business

Ooh, I know the answer to this one! It’s because most women’s maiden names are ugly and the men’s names are much nicer- that’s why

Don’t forget easier to spell!

I don’t think it irritates many women does it?

Prior to the repopulation of Ms in the 1970's, professional woman routinely went by miss maidenname at work and by Mrs Husbandfirst Husbandlast socially.

Prior to the 1970s, plenty of professional women had to hide the fact the were married, because even after marriage bars had gone, it was still expected you'd stop working on marriage.

It’s because most women’s maiden names are ugly and the men’s names are much nicer- that’s why

Well, presumably so, if they changed it and then kept it when they could reasonably have changed back. Kind of indicates to me that many people would take the opportunity to change their name if it's made easy and acceptable.

My maiden name, as it happens, was so hideous that kids laughed at me at school about it (outing myself here, I think). Plus my father was abusive. So given the choice between the abusive man I didn't choose, and the wonderful man I did, it was a no brainer.

And if you choose to keep your name, I will respect that because I understand the concept of choice, and I don't care what you do as long as it's what you want. Tough concept for some people, I know.

I'm a married Ms because I don't want to have to divulge my married status to all and sundry for no reason, plus Mrs makes me feel old and Mrs Marriedname is my MIL's name. I love my MIL, but I don't want to feel like I'm her.

Mrs Maidenname is even worse because that's my stupid father's name, and my own mother's name. And I've got enough problems turning into my mother as it is.

Those are my reasons. Not everyone will feel the same way and that's fine. I can't understand why anyone would have an issue with anyone using whatever bloody title and name they like as long as they're not harming anyone with it. You can be an unmarried Mrs Tararaboomdeay, why is it anyone else's concern?

I know! There’s the poster who thinks anyone who calls themselves ms is a pillock.
That was funny.

For fuck's sake. I don't need anyone to pull up my Ms title to know I'm a pillock. If you know anything about me at all and that's all you've got to justify it, you're an idiot. And I won't be making my personal decisions based on what an idiot thinks.

Erm, right ok.

PoorYorick no one wants to take choice away. You can always change your name by deed pole at any point after the age of 18. The choice you are so desperate for would remain.

If that choice is so important then don't wait for marriage do it for yourself because you are getting married or divorced.

Choose to change your name because you want to. Choose a name you really like not just the one attached to a man. Choose to disassociate yourself with horrible parents. Have as much choice as you like.

Just seems odd to link your name to your love life.