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Original poster

If you're always late, can I ask why?

568 replies

CulinaryUnderbelly · 13/05/2018 14:14

Is it because you think your time is more important than the person's who is waiting for you? Or do you just not care that you're going to be late?

I've had this for 15 years with someone and I'm sick of the excuses, like "we had to do X on the way".

The worst time was when they cancelled the night before because they had arranged something else Angry

It would be very difficult for me to not see them anymore, but I would just like to know how people get through life always being late and disorganised. Is it because you're always forgiven?

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 13/05/2018 19:58

My mum too. She wants to arrive when conversation is in full flow, table in restaurant sorted etc. It just wouldn't occur to her she could be one of the ones to arrive first, speak to the waiting staff, think about seating, and make conversation with the first arrivees.

I mean, how dull would that be? Someone else will do it.

FrangipaniBlue · 13/05/2018 20:01

I'm really REALLY shit at estimating how long tasks will take me, so I think to myself "oh I'll just do X before I leave the house/set off to go to Y meeting because it'll only take me 5minutes..."

It then takes me 20minutes to do the 5minute task X Confused

I think half the battle is knowing WHY you're late and doing something about it, I know what my issue is and I work on it...... I slip occasionally though Shock

Gwenhwyfar · 13/05/2018 20:02

"I just accept that they will be late and plan accordingly."

That doesn't work. They get wise to it and arrive even later. They can't be the one who arrives first so if you're late once they'll adjust to that.

QuestionableMouse · 13/05/2018 20:06

Normally because I'm waiting for someone else.

DrEustaciaBenson · 13/05/2018 20:06

Some people are ... not morning people...

I'm not a morning person.I still manage to get to places on time.

Punctual people aren't born with a magical ability that other people don't have. It's a skill you develop, like all the other skills you acquire on the way to adulthood. Get your stuff ready the night before. Know how long it takes to have breakfast, shower, walk to the station. Allow an extra 5-10 minutes for contingencies. Do it often enough it becomes automatic.

MummySparkle · 13/05/2018 20:13

I am late for everything. I struggle to get DS to school on time, I am late for work, and i usually end up running down the lane at school pick up time and arriving by the skin of my teeth.

I have Asperger's and have no idea how long things take me. I don't know long it is to get to work, I know its roughly half an hour, but that's anywhere between 25 - 40mins in my mind. I always underestimate how long things will take me so never leave enough time. I factor in getting showered / dressed, but always forget to account for gathering everything up and getting the DCs in the car.

I've also been doing some work with my therapist as we have identified that I have a fear of waiting / waiting rooms and they make my anxiety really bad. We came up with the reason that i might be constantly late / flying by the seat of my pants/ as a coping mechanism to avoid waiting. I'm still pondering this.

I hate being late, being late makes me anxious. I often wont text because I'm desperately hoping that the traffic will suddenly disappear and I'll actually make it there on time. In my head I'm not late until the time I was supposed to be somewhere has passed - even if I'm still half an hour away.

I have missed countless appointments through lateness, I can see the frustration in my friends and family. I have tried so many different tactics to not be late, but most days I just can't manage it. I've got it down to within 10mins 90% of the time which, for me, is a big achievement.

seasidelife · 13/05/2018 20:18

I hate being early or late, the set time is the exact time. Dh is one of those who never plans ahead, he can't even plan 10 minutes in to the future lol (I always tell him events are an hour earlier) but the kids oh my god getting them out of the house literally destroys me, they are 5 and 3 and time is not a concept that they can grasp at all, even if we are all ready hours in advance you can guarantee one or other or both will have a tantrum/poop or strip naked while I'm sorting out the other one and the time we needed to leave at sails past while I bang my head against the wall!! I've got somewhere near control but I just have to pray that the people who love me, love me enough to give me 5/10 minutes grace every now and then :(

amicissimma · 13/05/2018 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tabulahrasa · 13/05/2018 20:25

“I don't see anyone claiming they have a problem with sometimes turning up much earlier than they meant to, owing to finding it difficult to assess the time to get there.”

I do that all the time... but you can sit somewhere and wait till closer to the time, there’s nothing you can do once you’re late to not be late.

FrangipaniBlue · 13/05/2018 20:26

It's interesting how the people who have problems processing timings and sequencing are only affected in one direction. I don't see anyone claiming they have a problem with sometimes turning up much earlier than they meant to, owing to finding it difficult to assess the time to get there.

Erm,I am as often early as I am late, if not more often and sometimes because I'm trying to NOT be late I can be an hour early for things Confused

FrangipaniBlue · 13/05/2018 20:27

So then I go and do something to fill the hour that I'm early and guess what, I lose track of time and end up being late ??!!

TooManyPaws · 13/05/2018 20:27

Cardi, I work flexitime. I'm quite normally the only one left in the building apart from the security guy and the overnight teams. I rarely have morning meetings. I have a complete inability to estimate time and speed so I end up turning up for trains and planes really, really early and then panicking that I've missed it. Friends usually give me a "from" time. I also do a lot of texting.

I am due to have a workplace assessment from Access to Work through Occupational Health so they might have better ways of helping.

LadyLooLaa · 13/05/2018 20:32

Even reading this thread is stressing me out. I have 3 late people in my life (2 are family) and I do find it incredibly rude. I understand some people find it hard, but whether they mean it or not, they are showing that they value my time less than theirs. I wish they could see that.
I’ve stopped putting myself out for them.

SharronNeedles · 13/05/2018 20:35

When going to work, you're in a routine. You know how long it takes to get ready, traffic at that time of day etc, it becomes almost muscle memory to get ready for a certain time after a while!! You can do it on autopilot. For some people when they don't have their standard routein (ie meeting a friend for coffee) they can find the usual time to get ready, say half an hour, runs away from them and the traffic is different etc. Throws them off whack! I agree it's rude to not even try to be on time but lateness does happen. We're all human

UnicornRainbowFluffball · 13/05/2018 20:38

It's interesting how the people who have problems processing timings and sequencing are only affected in one direction. I don't see anyone claiming they have a problem with sometimes turning up much earlier

My dh does. It doesn't really create problems to be early though so it's probably noticed less. You can wait in the car until it's time to go in, sit and have a drink, wait for your friend to arrive

IceSwan · 13/05/2018 20:38

I have a friend who is like this. Over an hour late usually. Never for any reason in particular.

She once arranged to meet me in a restaurant with her other friend who I'd never met. She was so ridiculously late it was like I was on a date with this random guy, asking questions to pass the time and we finished a bottle of wine.

In the friendship group we all tried to talk to her about it and she got defensive and denied there was a problem. She's self employed and I met her agent who said she arranged things and then would lie about the time just to make sure she would get there.

I've moved miles away now and can't see me tolerating this since becoming a Mum. It's definitely disrespectful whether they mean it or not.

awomensworkisneverdone · 13/05/2018 20:39

I think the worst culprits are the ones who cancel whilst you are ALREADY there Angry
I have unfortunately experienced this.
A fucking text 10 minuets After we are suppose to meet!!!
“Sorry luv cant make it”.. Confused

Gwenhwyfar · 13/05/2018 20:53

"I think the worst culprits are the ones who cancel whilst you are ALREADY there angry
I have unfortunately experienced this.
A fucking text 10 minuets After we are suppose to meet!!!
“Sorry luv cant make it”.. confused"

Yes, but you only let them do this once, didn't you? Unless someone has died, you just don't meet up again with someone who does this.

awomensworkisneverdone · 13/05/2018 20:59

I replied “thanks for letting me know 10 minuets after I arrived.twat!”
I have never made arrangements with her again. We have mutual friends and on a night out two years ago we all planned to meet at mine at 8 taxi was booked for 9. She got to mine at 9.40 apparently but we were already at the bar. She went home an texted saying she can’t afford not to taxi share and that we deliberately left Confused
Twat

cushioncovers · 13/05/2018 21:03

Bring disorganised isn't an excuse imo. If you can recognise that you are forever in a state of disorganisation then allowed extra time. It's rude to be late for no good reason.

Thistledew · 13/05/2018 21:04

I have a very poor awareness of the passing of time. Even if I wear a watch and check it regularly I can think that 5 mins has passed but in reality 10 or 15 mins have gone.

I find it difficult to estimate how long a task will take me- I'll think "It will only take me 5 mins to hang out this laundry" but in reality it is a 15 minute task. Again, as I have a poor awareness of the passing of time, it just won't occur to me to check how long the task is taking.

I also find it difficult to move on to a new task if something is not completed, so I will attempt to get more things done before I leave the house than really I should as I find it very uncomfortable to abandon a task.

When I am tired, I tend to physically move more slowly and am more clumsy, so it takes me an extra minute or so to complete each task - for example I'll take an extra 10 seconds to decide which coat to take, I'll then knock another to the floor when taking out the one I want so will have to re-hang it, and then I will do the buttons up wrong so have to undo and re-button it. That is then an extra 90 seconds or so just on that task that then multiplies on each task that I need to complete to get out of the door.

I spend most of my life rushing flat out to be somewhere 'just on time', which for me is the last possible moment. I usually aim to leave the house 30 minutes before I actually need to leave to get somewhere, but 8 times out of 10 will eat into most of that time, meaning that if there are any further delays on the journey I will end up late. If I have something really important to do such as catch a flight or a job interview, I will leave an hour earlier. It is all very well to say that I should leave this hour for every journey, but I don't always need that time, and I don't have enough hours in the day to be able to kick my heels for two or three hours a day just to ensure that I don't inconvenience anyone by 15 mins.

cushioncovers · 13/05/2018 21:04

*I have noticed that most people who are chronically late to meet friends etc still manage to get to work on time and catch trains and planes.

So they obviously have the skills to tell the time when it’s suits them.*

^^this

tabulahrasa · 13/05/2018 21:09

“So then I go and do something to fill the hour that I'm early and guess what, I lose track of time and end up being late ??!!”

Lol, yep... that’s why I just sit somewhere and wait now.

PurpleTigerLove · 13/05/2018 21:12

For me it wasPND and obsessiveness with leaving the house immaculate every single time I went out .

Dondie · 13/05/2018 21:16

I was late all the time. I read this and it helped. I don’t know why I was always late, I tried to prepare and organise myself to be on time but just couldn’t. Sounds stupid but it’s true. www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/enlightened-living/200812/tardiness-self-worth-and-being-present%3famp

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