If you're always late, can I ask why?

[CulinaryUnderbelly]

Is it because you think your time is more important than the person's who is waiting for you? Or do you just not care that you're going to be late?

I've had this for 15 years with someone and I'm sick of the excuses, like "we had to do X on the way".

The worst time was when they cancelled the night before because they had arranged something else

It would be very difficult for me to not see them anymore, but I would just like to know how people get through life always being late and disorganised. Is it because you're always forgiven?

I am late, but for different circumstances. Mainly, I hate to be early and waiting around for the other person. I have improved over the years, but a couple of friends do tell me different times so that I am on time! I can make appointments and school, run the home like a military operation, but when it comes to my time....I lose the plot. It is my failing and I do try ,but with 3 kids (2 with special needs) and no family for help...well sometimes I just need to let go. I appreciate my friends. Invite them over. Have gatherings, but that is my failing. I could be worse. I could be a mean awful person. I am just late.

I can't be bothered with persistently late people and won't have them as friends. I am stuck with my sister, though I try and avoid meeting her as much as possible because her dramatic entrances and over emotive excuses piss me right off. Just be on time and don't treat me like a mug, thanks.

Lateness without a good reason is just rude. Plain and simple.

I don't buy the 'I'm not very organised' bullshit. I think it's just a cop out.

You read two books in two hours, tabula!?

You've answered your own problem there though, kindle! Unlimited books.

I don't get bored easily though. I'll happily read stuff on my phone or kindle for hours, listen to music or podcasts, do some work on my laptop.

But yeah if I were making regular trips every few weeks I probably would hone the trip and leave less time.

Surely in that case ScienceIsTruth you would make sure you do have your phone on you at all times when you're due to meet someone later, and you'd have a backup extra loud alarm just in case? One of those metal mechanical ones that make you jump out of your skin would work fine :)

“You read two books in two hours, tabula!?”

I can do, yes, not huge ones or really deep ones... but the sort of thing you’d read on a plane, yep no problem.

It’s my usually useless talent, lol, I can read really fast, also anything upside down at nearly the same speed and mirror writing fast enough to be able to read it out loud at normal talking speed.

I mean, I rarely need to do any of those things, but I can...

I read fast as well. Actually one of my friends with ADHD posted something on FB about reading/how people with ADHD struggle to get into reading and I didn't identify with it at all and told her so - but it will either take me 2 hours to read a book in one sitting or 2 years with gaps of several months (during which it's sitting around getting the spine all broken and irritating everyone) - I also rarely have less than 3 on the go at once, more often 5 or 6. But since I've discovered the internet, I've read much less.

If I'm early to meet a friend then I would look around shops near their house or just sit down somewhere and do something on my phone. My phone is my lifesaver in times of boredom, as well as performing large chunks of the function of my brain. A decent battery life is non negotiable for me. In fact I dropped it recently and mucked up the volume button so it was stuck in and somehow that disabled me from being able to turn off the screen. The first thing DH said worriedly was "But that's going to tank your battery life!" He has now removed the offending button. But I'm a bit anxious now because it means the phone is no longer waterproof.

I read fast too.

That's nonsense about people with ADHD not being able to get into reading - what about hyperfocus?!

Probably it's true for some people with ADHD but certainly not all of us.

I’m genuinely awful at time management. I sincerely think something takes 5 min when in reality it takes 10-15. Hence I’ve learned to tell myself I need to leave a half hour before I really do.

I think it's probably true for younger people who have grown up with unlimited access to social media, games consoles and smartphones. Like I said, I read far less in the presence of these things. When I was a child I used to go to the library and get the allowed 10 books out in one go and I'd have read six of them by teatime. Dyslexia is commonly comorbid with ADHD as well so probably if you have both you'd be unlikely to get into reading.

Most of the memes relating to ADHD are made/shared by ~20 year olds. That shift in half a generation has made a huge difference. As well as that it's less stigmatised among people of that age (and adults who are newly diagnosed and excited about it because hey!! I wasn't useless all along!) - I have learned though that nobody else is really as interested as me, which is after all fair, we all have our own struggles, no expectation to take everyone else's on as well. That's why I try really hard to reduce or avoid lateness but I have definitely been an "always late" type - more frequently in the past than now.

I have always been late. Always. However, your anger reminds me of an incident a few years back with a friend of mine who I don't speak to often now... and I can understand why. Time was never a priority for me, ironically. My brain just always found it hard to judge time, in terms of minutes and hours. And as time got on, I got worse really until my friend put me in my place, and rightfully so.

I was running late and I had forgotten about our meet up. She was due to start a new job in London (400-500 miles away from where we were). I thought "it'll be ok if I'm 30 mins late" (god, the shame... I feel so awful looking back). Well, I misjudged the driving time and I ended up an hour late!!!!! Couldn't get hold of my mate because the signal was terrible where she was. Tried to get hold of her sis but she couldn't get through to her either.

I was in a weird place then mentally so I didn't register that there was a possible well deserved shit storm about to explode my way...

I arrived and she walked out. I've never felt my stomach fall so fast. She gave me hell!!! I ended up in tears... and she said something I will never, ever forget. For those who can't understand OP's view of 'do you think your time is more valuable than mine', take this on board:

"Nothing is more valuable than someone's time. You can never get it back unlike money or materialistic things. Time is precious and should be treated as such. So when someone readily gives up their time for you, you should treat that with the respect it deserves."

I miss her terribly. We don't really speak now but I messaged her after, when I had sorted my shit out and really absorbed what she said. She forgave me but we haven't been able to rekindle our friendship due to the massive distance between us. I learnt my lesson.

It works the other way round too in business. So many tradespeople etc are late or don't turn up on the day that those who do get a lot of repeat business as most people do need someone on time.

It works the other way round too in business. So many tradespeople etc are late or don't turn up on the day that those who do get a lot of repeat business as most people do need someone on time.

Well i was waiting in on Sunday for a tradeperson.He had a 2 hour window,and he was late by another hour.He only text.when he was already late.Saying he be 15 minutes.He was another 1/2 hour late.

We wont be going wiht him,his lateness cost him a job.

Oh, yes, tradespeople are notorious for being late. I guess they get away with it because half the time (or 90% more often) we need them more than they need us.

Agree with all the late haters. There really is no excuse at all. And if there is an excuse, why not ring or text? I also absolutely despite the expression "running late". It implies the late person is busy and therefore important , whether that be at the office or with their hoards of dcs.

Mil was always late. Would ring up and breezily say, "Just leaving!" about half an hour after she was due to be somewhere. The piece de resistance was at my wedding. Arrived after I did. No excuse. Just "running late!"

I thought I was a quick reader! I can get through an average sized (say, 300-400 pages) book in half a day if I'm really into it. But not two in a few hours!

The people who have said "it's fine if I turn up 30 minutes late". Read that back. Why is it fine? It's just so bloody inconsiderate...why should John just expect people to wait around for you. That definitely shows a lack of respect on the other person.

*you not John!

I am often late for things, I never mean to be but I just underestimate the amount of time I need to get ready or to travel etc.
It's never by too long though, only ever 5-10 mins. I have a friend who is constantly 30 min - hour late for everything, including dinner reservations and it annoys the life out of me!

@walking You'd think so, wouldn't you? But my memory is really bad, and isn't limited to just being late. I forget everything, including my phone.

Eg, just today I've left the house without my keys, so I'm now locked out.
I have my phone at least, but will be late for appt now, although I've been able to call them to explain why. Now waiting on a locksmith.

Believe me, I hate this side of myself too.

It's narcissism, to be blunt.

It has to be in context I guess. I know a few people who say they can't manage things like time due to x or y, but oddly seem to be able to get their shit together for things they really want to do.

I don't believe managing a condition successfully means only making the effort to engage with the fun activities someone enjoys. It means also engaging in the not so fun ones without using x condition as a shield.

I am often late and I really try to curb it in. It's mainly because I am more optimistic with time than the actual reality.

There's a study that was done where various people where asked how long a minute was. The actual time was something like an average 15 seconds extra on a minute for optimistic people who are often late. It mentally adds a lot extra 'time' to your day. I think everybody should get someone to 'time' their minute and see where you are realistically.

Because I have become more aware that that is the way I am, I give myself 'extra' time to get ready and to get places. Often saying we'll set of at 7 meaning 7.30am which would be the actual time I need to set off.

I am often so surprised that I get less done in a day than I thought I would accomplish. Not because I have gone slow just I thought I could get the dozen or so errands and jobs done.

I definitely are a night owl to, so early morning is the worst.

With my group of friends and fellow mums we often set a from time, to arrive. Everyone knows what general time we'll be eating but it means if you are ready from 11am you can arrive then. It takes the pressure off of mums to juggle clothes changes, loo stops etc,. And usually then everyone arrives earlier than they thought they would as taking the pressure off seems to help stop mistakes that cost time.

Sc. on your keys tomorrow get a new duplicate set cut and hide that somewhere where no one could find it. We have that system and/or leave a set with a neighbour. then you will never be locked out again (assuming you can remember where they are hidden and what neighbour the keys are with)

It has actually made a small amount of steam emit from my ears reading about people's "issues" as an excuse for being late.

As pps have noted, it's not all about you . There is a schmuck stuck waiting somewhere, feeling like a lemon, sat at a table with waiters giving them withering looks, or they're standing on a street corner in the pouring rain with aching feet, or looking anxiously out of the window wondering if you've had an accident, or hopping about practically having a nervous breakdown because you are now both late for a train/plane/show.

I am never, ever, ever late. Not because I am supremely organised and have a special power to determine how fast time passes, but because I don't think I am superior to the person I'm meeting and therefore act accordingly. If that involves a lot of planning and leaving extra early, then so be it.

I did well today. I had a meeting 15 minutes walk away. I started packing up at 25 to the hour. As I was, a client came over. Par for the course.
Now this would normally cause me huge anxiety. One waiting, one in front of me. Ruder to take my leave or be late?
I remembered this thread and said 'I'm so sorry, I have to leave now can we chat when I get back?' No problem! I was rocked!!
See before I would have felt guilty and given him some of my time, which then would have turned out to be 15 minutes. So, late for next client.
As it was I strolled in the sun and arrived 10 minutes early. I did think 'oooh stop for a coffee with the spare time' but no.
Bliss!