If you're always late, can I ask why?

[CulinaryUnderbelly]

Is it because you think your time is more important than the person's who is waiting for you? Or do you just not care that you're going to be late?

I've had this for 15 years with someone and I'm sick of the excuses, like "we had to do X on the way".

The worst time was when they cancelled the night before because they had arranged something else

It would be very difficult for me to not see them anymore, but I would just like to know how people get through life always being late and disorganised. Is it because you're always forgiven?

My DSis In Law is very often late. The ironic thing is, she once said she can’t bear lateness! Wish I’d said something!

I'm always late. I prefer to be at home doing stuff so the longer I have to get ready the more jobs I try to cram in. The less I want to go somewhere the later I am. I hate being early because I sit waiting feeling like I could be doing other stuff like ironing washing hoovering etc. If I've an official appointment like dentist or doctors I can manage it but usually arrive with seconds to spare. If I'm ever 10 mins early I sit I the car and wait, I've been late for stuff even when I've arrived early!

I'm always early due to my aspergers (autism), hubby has the opposite problem due to his aspergers. He has no concept of time and therefore I keep record of appointments and try n convince him that I'm the appointment is 15-20 mins earlier than it is so we get there on time. Doesn't always work though as he can often find wonthing to delay him. Car needs cleaning, dishes need washing etc (OCD too)

Like a few pp's I really struggle to gauge how long things take, I'm always optimistic thinking the journey on a good day takes 20 minutes but then will get stuck in traffic or won't be able to park etc making me on average 10-15 minutes late. Or if I'm running early I think "i'll just put a wash on" and then make myself late! I don't see it as me being more important than anyone else, but because I don't see lateness as a problem I don't expect my friends to either - they seem to love me anyway....but maybe they swear about me on MN too?!

I think some of them really don't mind whether others are late, so they don't see to get that it's rude. I do have one friend tho, who is annoyed if I'm late, but regularly keepse waiting! She once messaged me to say 'where r u?', just before she even arrived, when I was actually there !

. I do have one friend tho, who is annoyed if I'm late, but regularly keepse waiting! She once messaged me to say 'where r u?', just before she even arrived, when I was actually there grin!

My friend who was constantly late,had the cheek to be annoyed at me one day when i was late.I said to her,well now you know what its like to be standing waiting like a lemon.

I'm not bothered by someone being late once or if they call to let me know they were held up but if it's a regular thing I just wouldn't wait for them.
There are people who do have genuine reasons for being late but I think most are just badly organised or inconsiderate. They don't have to be like that. They are because they can be unless others refuse to accept it.

"Late" is personal.
Dh: 10 minutes early is late.
Me: exactly on time is just right.
Sil: one hour late is normal, we work around it.

I struggle to believe there are adults out there that genuinely believe that 'meet at 3pm' means 'leave the house at 3pm' or 'be ready to go at 3pm' or even 'start thinking about getting ready at 3pm'. You know that there is travel time, and you know how long it takes to get ready to leave the house - you've done it almost every day of your life.

My DH is one such person. He used to pick me up from work every night. I would finish at 5pm and by the time I got signed out and waited for the lift it would be 5:05 - 5:10 and he would never be there. He'd roll up about 10 mins later. This was about 20 years ago and I've only found out recently that he would leave the house at 5pm.

We started going to a class that started at 6.30pm. I'd be ready at 6pm and we'd finally get out of the door at about 6:28 because it was "only round the corner". We were late every single week.

We are having a regular argument at the moment because it takes 20 minutes to walk to school. I know this because I've done it pretty much every day for the last 7 years. He insists it takes 10 minutes. He insists he is never late (but DD tells me otherwise).

He doesn't seem to be capable of doing the counting back thing, plus he assumes that any local journey on foot is 10 minutes and any (local but further out) journey by car is 15 minutes. Knowing how bad the traffic is here I usually allow an hour. I spend a lot of time sitting in the car waiting for it to be the right time because I'm stupidly early for everything, but I panic if I'm late. I panic if I can't park, and I always allow contingency time because something will always go wrong.

If we fly anywhere we always go to the airport the night before, to save any last minute panics

Diagnosed anxiety disorders, depression, OCD etc. are not just excuses. No-one would want to suffer a debilitating mental illness, involving fear, despair, stigma or an inability to live a normal life, just so they could let their friends wait too long for them

It isn't "medicalising" if a genuine condition affects your life and behaviour in difficult ways. And no, not everyone tells their friends about it or gets a diagnosis until much later, if at all.

Some people do use medical language in a casual way, such as "I'm a bit OCD" when they do not actually have the condition. They may like putting their CDs in colour order, but they're totally fine if it isn't possible one day. They're not pacing the hall at 3am because the light is still on in the living room but if the third purple CD moves out of place when they open the door to switch the light off, a disastrous event will destroy everything and everyone they love. In addition they are also desperately trying to hold everything together and appear normal. If you experienced scenarios like that, and had thoughts like that haunting you every day and night, because you hadn't yet received or responded to the right treatment, would you find it easy to be somewhere at the correct time?

I have long been a sufferer of anxiety and depression and have never made a habit of being late. The thought of inconveniencing somebody else sets off my anxiety.

My husbands late for everything (apart from football matches). He mainly late because he doesn’t start getting ready until everyone else is sat there ready & waiting for him. I sat on the drive with the car running twice this weekend as a hint to get his arse in gear. He’s a twat!

Fair enough Bauble, it affects different people in different ways

I so hate being late bit kids, keeping me busy lose track of time, hubby keeping me talking lose track of time, bus is late (looking for a nice cheap car BTW), train is delayed, there are so many reasons, but I'm usually on time. I get pissed off when I'm late, so much that hubby and kids now know that they will receive my rant 😂

Because someone (DP, DC1, DC2, DC3 & dog) always needs a shit or emergency nappy and subsequent clothes change, or has some level of epic meltdown, as we're walking out of the front door!

I think the persistant offenders just dont get it.They dont know what its like to be sat waiting on someone for an hour.They need to have a taste of their own medicine.See how they like that.

I am often late. Sometimes due to circumstances beyond my control but often because I am ready too early and then think I’ve hit half an hour I could get such and such done. Only that ends up taking 45 mins. Then instead of being 30 mins early I’m 15 mins late. I hate it but I think it comes down to having too much to do so not being able to stand a wasted minute. I do think other people’s time is as valuable as mine.

I don’t think my time is more important than others, & im not always late. If I’m meeting someone at a place I aim to be a little earlier so they’re not hanging about but If I’m going to a friends house for a cuppa I’m not as strict as they aren’t waiting as such.
My main reasons for being late when I am tend to be the kids & me not leaving enough time for the unplanned. This morning for example, my 1 year old had 4 dirty nappies. Each one takes about 5 Mins to change as it’s like wrestling an animal. This wasn’t planned into my time.
Usually if I’m late it’s within 5-10 Mins 😕

I am sometimes late dropping off my DD to nursery, but that's because we are superheroes and are saving the world, so lose track of time..

For me it's my 2 DC, I have learned that if my DD (nearly 4) is being uncooperative it can take ages to get out the door so I start getting ready about and hour early so I'm not late.

Amit sounds like my DH....it's still annoying and rude though. I tell him "No...you don't have time to clean the chicken coop out/change the oil/water the garden because we need to leave in 15 minutes." but he still tries to do a last job and it infuriates me.

FuckandShit that's still your fault. If you have small children you need to leave ten or fifteen minutes early. That's what I've always done.

I read that people who are habitually late can't estimate timings accurately.

So they think they can get up and dressed in 5 minutes, and that breakfast takes 5 minutes, whereas in reality it takes 20 mi it's to get dressed and 10 minutes to eat breakfast.

Or they plan the car journey and tell themselves it will only take 10 minutes but if only they goggle mapped it they'd see it's actually 15 minutes.

If people worked out their timings accurately, they'd be on time like everyone else. But they've never learnt it. Some can't self teach accurate timings naturally. They need to be taught what is obvious to other people .

I really hate the 'I get that it's hard for some people but just try harder' comments or the line that people who are late think they are somehow superior. Everyone has faults, everyone. You may be a smoker or eat too much or overly critical or moan too much etc etc and everyone of them could be fixed by 'trying harder' and a lot do affect others in some way. To me, saying 'just fix it' makes that person saying come across as thinking they are superior, like they think they have no faults of their own. I'm late often, usually only by about 10mins mind. I don't do it because I think I'm better or more important than others, I HATE it about myself and it has left me feeling really shit about myself like I'm failing at being a mum because everything is a rush. I don't enjoy running everywhere or rushing my kids and I don't need someone telling me to fix it because it annoys them.

Luckily my friends are great, they don't moan and I don't expect them to wait at whatever they are doing. They accept me flaws and all and I accept them - the one who constantly makes bad relationship choices that we need to be there for to pick up the pieces, the chronic worrier we have to reassure, the one who monopolises the conversation by talking about herself because she actually has very low self esteem and needs reassurance. They all affect me but I don't tell them to get over it or bitch about them.
Honestly op if you can't accept your friend then don't be friends, simple.

I have a strong willed 2yo.

(I'm never late to work but generally am to everything else. I'm a terrible person I know. Luckily most of my friends are the same!)