If you're always late, can I ask why?

[CulinaryUnderbelly]

Is it because you think your time is more important than the person's who is waiting for you? Or do you just not care that you're going to be late?

I've had this for 15 years with someone and I'm sick of the excuses, like "we had to do X on the way".

The worst time was when they cancelled the night before because they had arranged something else

It would be very difficult for me to not see them anymore, but I would just like to know how people get through life always being late and disorganised. Is it because you're always forgiven?

I was organising my 50th a few years ago. I knew that my Irish friends would all arrive approximately 30 minutes later than the starting time I told them and that my (mainly Polish) colleagues would arrive at the time I said the party was starting. So I told my Irish friends the party started at 8.30 and my Polish friends 9 and everyone arrived around the same time. I'm Irish btw and the party was in Ireland but I personally cannot bear to be late and I have very little patience for lateness so my solution was perfect for me!

I think some people ( I know one) who labour under the misconception that there's something somehow scatty or cute about being a bad timekeeper. There isn't.

To be fair, thhings can happen that are out of your control that with all the planning and will in the world make you "late", like a baby doing a massive poonami just at you strap them in the car! which results in everyone out of the car to change and settle said infant! that's just one of the things that has happened to me when I'm trying to wrangle people somewhere.

Heartily agree. It nearly gives me a nervous breakdown when people are late. I get completely wound up and yes, in a restaurant where you are the one left dealing with the staff who are not impressed that you are the lone person sitting at a table for six at 8pm on a Saturday night...

I also agree that late people just think what they are doing is more important than keeping an arrangement. Time management, my Aunt Fanny. They are just thoughtless.

To be fair, thhings can happen that are out of your control that with all the planning and will in the world make you "late", like a baby doing a massive poonami just at you strap them in the car! which results in everyone out of the car to change and settle said infant! that's just one of the things that has happened to me when I'm trying to wrangle people somewhere.

I don't think you will find too many people who will criticise you in those circumstances. It's the people who habitually step out the front door at the time you are actually due to meet and just assume that you have nothing better to do with your time or that you are the one with the problem when you get annoyed after waiting an hour.

I hate being late,i had a friend who was constantly late.She finished work at 6.We are going out at 8.She would spend 40 minutes after she finished work doing shopping.[She work in a supermarket.]Knowing we where meeting at 8.

The thing that kind of finished it for me,my son and 1 where going to see Gorillaz.She and her mother where going to see someone different.We agreed to meet at 5 in a restaurant.Sh turned up at 6.45.Her mother decided to go home for something.Which meant leaving town[where we were]going home/And then coming back to meet us.We where actually leaving at that point.After that i just cooled it.It was beyond annoying.

I am always on time and used to be quite critical of always late people until I read one of these threads and someone made an analogy with eating too much.

I'm fatter than I want to be and although I absolutely know what I should do to shift the weight I seem to be unable to. And like the chronically late person who won't miss the job interview or the flight, of course I can have a single healthy meal or even a weeks' worth. I seem to always slide back though.

I've no idea if it's a fair analogy or not really but it made me think and be less cross with friends who are always late!

I've no idea if it's a fair analogy or not

Its a poor analogy.

Some people are just utterly shit at timekeeping or organising themselves, have no interest in remedying the problem and just expect others to work around them. The lengths some people go to on here medicalise or excuse their flakiness is just depressing.

Actually I think that’s not a terrible analogy...

You get people who don’t have to watch their weight at all, people who need to put in a bit of effort to build in exercise or watch what they eat a bit and people who would have to change absolutely everything and be meticulous about sticking to it to get anywhere.

In theory all those people are capable of being a healthy weight, but realistically that last lot of people are more likely to always have a bit of a weight issue.

I have no disabilities, no medical issues, but for me to be organised and always (barring extreme situations obviously) punctual I’d have to change my entire life, unlearn just about every habit I have and obsessively keep on top of that for everything, every day - it’s not realistic, so I do work arounds that work often enough...except when they don’t.

My MIL is always late but is an incredibly organised person (the sort of person who has a specific place for everything and always plans things in advance). In a way, I think this is the cause of her lateness- she likes to plan carefully but allows exactly the right time to do everything assuming no hold-ups or unexpected issues. For example, if she visits us she allows the minimum time the journey can take and does not put her shoes on etc until the time to leave. When inevitably she stops to chat to a neighbour, reapplies her lip stick, gets caught in traffic in both towns, can't park right outside the door etc she is usually at least half an hour late.

DH has tried to speak to her about leaving extra time (for example if she's coming to babysit whilst we go somewhere and need to be on time) but she can't get her head around it. She went away with a friend last year and was very upset that her friend insisted on 'wasting time' by booking transport that by her calculations would get them to the airport half an hour before they needed to be there. Then she was amazed when actually with traffic etc they were just in time and kept refering to how 'lucky' it was that they went early. Can't get her head around the idea that this is how some people manage not to be late.

I can deal with someone being 5-10 minutes late. Or someone who is really late because of some unforeseen event. Just message me so I know what is going on.

What I can't deal with is friends who may turn up extremely late. I don't want to sit by myself for 45 minutes in a cafe or whatever. I'm not going to be thrilled when a friend turns up so late that I've only got half an hour before I have to go pick up kids from school. I could have used all that waiting time for something else.

Worse, as some people have suggested on here, I don't want to be told I need to chill out about it. How does your inability to be late trump my dislike of sitting alone somewhere, waiting? I get that for some people, not being late is really, really hard. But I'm not sure that means I should have to just live with it, on a regular basis. It's a pain in the arse.

*Inability to be on time!

“But recognise that when people say that you are seeing your own priorities as more important than being on time to meet them (baring train cancellations/poonamis/panic attacks, etc), they are correct!”

That depends what it is though, I have a system for not losing my car keys, but, sometimes it breaks down and that makes me late (or losing other vital things or breaking them because I’m rushing etc. Etc....)

I didn’t think oh, I’m going to spend ten minutes having to do that tomorrow when I’ve put my car keys away with my shopping the day before, (or whatever stupid thing has eaten my time that day) I didn’t even realise I was doing it, or I wouldn’t have. (Yes, I have found my car keys in the fridge) and I haven’t chosen to look for them over leaving, I can’t leave without them.

I could get my spare set fixed and then I’d have them instead, but, I’m always late, never have spare time, so I put it off.

It’s always stuff like that, that I’m aware of ultimately being my own fault and things that yes, I know I should organise better, but the time I’m not prioritising is days or weeks before I’ve made the arrangements, it’s no reflection at all on how I value the person I’m running late fors time on that day.

“ I don't want to sit by myself for 45 minutes in a cafe or whatever“

I wouldn’t do that because I’d have to still be in the house at the time we were supposed to meet for that to happen, that would be a choice.

A total inability to estimate time and speed.

But these days there are travel apps and online tools that can tell you precisely what time you have to leave, how long your journey will take and what time you will arrive depending on whether you are driving, cycling, using public transport or on foot. You don't need to estimate anything, these are free tools that take 30 seconds to map out an itinerary.

Its just excuses,if you know you have to be somewhere at 10 o clock.Why would you leave the house at 10 o clock.Its common sense you are late even before you hit your garden.

Im meeting "Sue" at 10 o clock,so i will leave the house at 9.Give me a bit of lee way.

But no,its im meeting "Sue at 10 0 clock.So i will leave the house at 10.Even if it takes you 1/2 hour to get there,you should be leaving at 9.15.

I have a hidden disability, one of the symptoms of my disorder is significant organisational problems. I've worked hard to improve my time keeping, but at times it is still a problem because of my health issues. Some people may think I don't care if I'm late, but I do, very much so actually as it is a reminder of my 'shortcomings'.

I have actually missed a plane before, so important deadlines, or not, I can still struggle and fail to be on time! If I'm late for meeting people it is absolutely no reflection on them, or a sign that I think their time is less valuable than mine.

I love the fact people are using the terms “chronically “ or “terminally” disorganised as if it’s medical phenomena. If you’re self aware enough to know you’re disorganised and keep others waiting; fix it!

I've begun to see the value of being calm getting your kids ready, even at the risk of being a bit late, as opposed to stressing and stressing them out so that you all arrive miserable.

I think there are some people who are habitually late where it is because they think they or their time is more important, but they are probably a minority of those always late. I think a part of this for some people is that they live a life where lateness with consequences is rare, more so since car use became the norm (so no need to allow time to avoid missing a bus or train).

I am terminally OCD about everything: being obsessively tidy, crossing lines on pavements and roads, having the kitchen side clean and certainly not being late. In fact I am OK now about the lines in the road and not counting between telegraph poles but I cannot be deliberately late because it's rude to the people at the other end.

Hang on, that sounds vaguely rational...

It's all of the above, really!! I have managed to tackle it now but for years I would be rushing around doing things that could have been done the day before (in the case of getting ready for work - lunch made, clothes pressed etc) or even the day after - fold laundry whilst emptying the drier, but to add to this if anyone else suddenly asks where something is or if they have a certain shirt ironed - well, off I would go and sort that out as well! Digressing is the culprit for me - and we can all do our share of that! My solution has been to cement my appointment time - half an hour before I need to be there, firmly in my mind and everything shifts forward! So far so good. . . . . . .

I don’t know. I have family members that do this but I’ve seen growing up how it pisses everyone the fuck off. As such I’m always pathologically early which is just as bad lol. However, my OH is always late and it gets right in my tits!

and Eveforever - I completely agree with your post 100%