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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that family members who are still renting in their late 40s are making a big mistake?

154 replies

nostaples · 13/05/2018 08:06

I know this is ultimately not really my business, however, I am worried for them. Also worried about the impact on the wider family, including their parents (in their 70s) if they require financial support as they get older. This is a family of 5. One of the adults works for a decent, but not spectacular, salary (£30,000 ish) and the other doesn't having resigned and spent about a year half-heartedly looking for jobs. There will be some pension provision but the currently working adult had a career gap of over 10 years. The youngest child is over 17 and the oldest early 20s and all at various stages of doing courses (not particularly respected and in not a particularly motivated way) or nothing, none is independent and all living at home. The family has been renting for about 15 years having sold their first home for not much and it was not mortgage free. I think they did this because of an idea that they could clean up when the property bubble burst. The rest of the family thinks any money from the sale has nearly spent. The rent is quite expensive, probably more than they would have paid on a mortgage all this time. Is there something I'm missing or is this a recipe for a very difficult retirement? The family have no security. The children, although young enough to put things right, at the moment, are following their parents' rather aimless approach to careers and financial security. The rest of the family seem reluctant to discuss the situation or offer advice.

OP posts:
jimijack · 13/05/2018 08:10

Seriously none of your bloody business and you do not sound worried about them you sound completely judgemental and up your own arse.

JenBarber · 13/05/2018 08:10

Whut?

You know houses cost thousands of pounds, right?

I hated renting. I hated chucking money away. Living in a damp house with poor plumbing and no security.

I only bought because I got an inheritance. Not everyone is that luckily.

You sound a bit lacking in awareness about house buying. It 's really hard!

Singlenotsingle · 13/05/2018 08:12

Not quite sure why you're involved. If they're not bothered, why should you be? There's nothing you can do anyway. You're right, buying's better than renting but it doesn't sound as though there's any spare money

Fairylea · 13/05/2018 08:13

How are they supposed to buy with no deposit saved and quite a low income? Hmm

You sound incredibly judgey.

Original poster
nostaples · 13/05/2018 08:13

Hmm.. thanks for your helpful responses there. It IS my business to be concerned about my family. Obviously their parents are very concerned. I am very well aware of how hard it is to buy a house, thanks. That's the issue: they HAD a house and chose to sell up and rent instead. This is not about a family struggling with poverty but IMHO making poor financial and life choices.

OP posts:
Hassled · 13/05/2018 08:14

Yes, that doesn't sound good. But it's the reality for many many people where there's just no choice but to cross your fingers and hope for the best once you're at retirement age. It's like using the hope of a lottery win as the basis of your financial planning.
But there's nothing you can do - and probably nothing they can do. The currently aimless children certainly aren't responsible for ensuring their parents' financial security.

NewYearNewMe18 · 13/05/2018 08:15

The state will pick up the burden. Although the state is fast running out of money.

The rest of the family thinks any money from the sale has nearly spent.

^ 'thinks^ but doesn't know.

Fairylea · 13/05/2018 08:16

It is not their job to support their parents as they get older though.

Lots of people rent all their lives. It’s just a different path.

I am a home owner by the way (owned my own home outright by 26 due to being a high earner and a small amount of inheritance) but I know plenty of people who have chosen to rent long term. In Europe it’s very normal.

jimijack · 13/05/2018 08:16

THEIR choices, not yours, not the family, their choices...again, absolutely none of your business..unless you want to pay for a house for them?
How would you feel if they started interfering in your choices and life?

Tartanscarf · 13/05/2018 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
nostaples · 13/05/2018 08:17

It was also a choice for one of the adults not to work for over 10 years and for the other to give up his job and not look for another in a serious way. The children have not been encouraged to make good life choices either and clearly don't have good role models so their choices will have a long term, and in my view, negative impact on their pretty much children too. For example, one of the children, having dropped out of college with no qualifications and never having had a job has been travelling and incurred a great deal of debt.

OP posts:
jimijack · 13/05/2018 08:18

YOU ARE ALL BEING COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE, the whole family.

Fairylea · 13/05/2018 08:18

Who are these people to you?

Costacoffeeplease · 13/05/2018 08:19

Absolutely none of your business. Butt out

jimijack · 13/05/2018 08:19

So what?

TryingToForgeAnewLife · 13/05/2018 08:19

What's the problem with them renting? Eventually if they need care help they'll probably get it for free as they won't have any capital that can be used.

Original poster
nostaples · 13/05/2018 08:20

'The state will pick up the burden. Although the state is fast running out of money. '

Yep, or the rest of the family.

What it has got to do with me is concern for them, their children and the wider family, especially their parents who are very troubled by it.

Nobody dares discuss it but I can't help thinking if somebody had had an honest conversation with them earlier they might not be in this boat. Don't think it's necessarily too late now either. But, as they approach 50, it soon will be too late.

OP posts:
LavenderDoll · 13/05/2018 08:20

It's got nothing to do with you
You sound judgemental
Look after you own affairs and leave them to look after theirs

Tartanscarf · 13/05/2018 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pasturesgreen · 13/05/2018 08:21

I know this is ultimately not really my business

Well said! It isn't, I fact.
Supporting elderly parents is all very hypothetical and I'd expect the parents themselves to have made provisions for their old age and not to rely exclusively on their children, who may or may not be in a position to help anyway.

BMW6 · 13/05/2018 08:22

What do you think you should do about it?

Fishcakey · 13/05/2018 08:22

You are sounding so judgemental! I am in my 40s and also had a mortgage and sold my house and now rent. Maybe there were issues they didn't share with you? Just because you are family they don't tell you everything and I don't blame them!!!

Yeaididthat · 13/05/2018 08:22

100% jimijack

jimijack · 13/05/2018 08:23

Do you really think that a conversation with someone will or can change anything? They are grown up, adult people making decisions, I think that you are sadly mistaken.

MissCharleyP · 13/05/2018 08:23

What jennarber said.

I don’t understand why they sold to go into rented, that seems a bit strange, but not anyone else’s business.

I’d still be renting crappy, damp, unsafe flats had I not met my DH (who already owned a house) and got some money from DM & DF so we could stay there after his divorce.

Depending where in the country they are, there may not be a lot of job opportunities. I’ve been out of work since August (aside from a temp job at Xmas) as unemployment is high where I live and there are hardly (if any) jobs that match (or come close to) my previous salary.