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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to discourage my son from making his children vegan

187 replies

Esspee · 12/05/2018 20:22

My DS and DIL have gone vegan in the last year. They are very well informed so I kept quiet about my reservations.

Tonight on FaceTime my elder grandchild explained that the shadows under her sister's eyes are caused by lack of iron and said something about her bruising and mentioned seeing the doctor. I said nothing as I don't want to cause a family rift but my darling granddaughters seem to be suffering because of their parents following a fad.
What can/should I do?

OP posts:
ScrubTheDecks · 13/05/2018 11:43

What grandparent wouldn’t at least be concerned that her treasured grandchildren apparently had any form of deficiency or health problem, however minor?

What a load of judgemental people on this thread, all catsbum about not judging vegans, or the parents, and being judgey and hostile to the OP.

LOL!

Since the Dd is talking about it and fully informed and they have seen a doctor, I would assume they are taking advice and will adjust their diet accordingly. Mentioning cast iron pans might be an idea. We cook using a cast iron Dutch Pot on our campfire when we go camping, you could ask if they have one.

Loyaultemelie · 13/05/2018 16:22

I'm veggie with next to no dairy (only cheese) my youngest dd eats almost exactly what I do plus some yogurts (dairy and non dairy depending on what she picks out of the fridge) and the very odd sausage totally her choice she just prefers my food , (dh and dd1 are omnivores leaning towards carnivores). Both dds iron is excellent. My dn has frequently low iron but is a very fussy eater who only eats chicken nuggets, sausage and potato pops and won't eat any veg.
It's not being vegan itself that's in anyway dangerous if they eat a proper balanced diet and/or take the appropriate supplements, so in that sense yabu. Yanbu however to worry about your grandchildren though as that's what good gps do.

Mousefunky · 13/05/2018 16:45

Veganism often isn’t a diet, it’s a lifestyle choice. To many vegans it is as crucial to them as observing a religion, it goes far beyond a fad diet.

It perfectly possible to have a healthy balanced vegan diet. They need to eat more iron rich vegetables and legumes and maybe take some multivitamins.

lljkk · 13/05/2018 16:50

I had iron anemia problems when I was vegetarian. It is easy to achieve.

SickofThomasTheTank · 13/05/2018 17:53

@noplease Do/did you breast feed?

PurpleDaisies · 13/05/2018 18:02

It saya so in their post sick.

I breastfed her and still do nap times etc and she eats well throughout the day.

Why is that important?

ScottLang · 13/05/2018 18:04

Denying a child the greatest source of human happiness there is (bacon cheeseburgers)?? Vegan parents are history's greatest monsters...

PurpleDaisies · 13/05/2018 18:11

By that standard scott, vegetarian, muslim and Jewish parents are also monsters.

Vegans aren’t in any way alone in imposing food choices on children.

Justanothernameonthepage · 13/05/2018 18:16

I eat meat and dairy, and I found it easy to go vegan for a month. I still eat vegan one day a week and vegetarian twice a week for environmental reasons. It's really not that hard. And when I have vegan friends visit I tend to do curries or mexican and it works out cheaper than when I have meat of fish for the main course. I only say that as I was surprised at how easy it is - and my doubtful DH who really resisted the idea found it good too.
I can only imagine it being hard for people who don't enjoy cooking but there are so many options in the shops I can see it being pretty simple.

ScottLang · 13/05/2018 18:19

By that standard scott, vegetarian, muslim and Jewish parents are also monsters.

GASP You're right!!

RubiaPTA · 13/05/2018 18:21

More meat eaters are aneamic than vegans. You should be glad you're grandkids are being fed healthy instead of McDonald's. Maybe try educating yourself on health and nutrition

lljkk · 13/05/2018 18:25

Do you have percentage reference for that, Rubia?
The only nutritional survey I could find for iron anemia, found that teenage vegetarian girls were the only high risk group (wrt diet). They didn't have enough data to comment on vegans, though.

Mumminmum · 13/05/2018 18:29

So according to many people here you are either a vegan or you eat a lot of junk food? Riiight. Tell me again how you poor vegans are being discriminated against and willfully misunderstood by all us evil meateaters!

Teacuphiccup · 13/05/2018 18:42

That’s not what people are saying mum they’re saying that some people lose their shit when they find someone is vegan but don’t not being vegan doesn’t mean you aren’t deficient in nutrients.

Teacuphiccup · 13/05/2018 18:42

Sorry on my phone that was a bit garbled

milliemolliemou · 13/05/2018 19:00

OP The only way to do it without causing a rift is to ask gently about the health of the child you've been told by her sibling is anaemic. And ask equally gently what the medics the child has been taken to think is the cause.

Do not go any further than expressing interest and concern. Do not relate it to the new vegan diet. Your DS and DiL are adults. The anaemia might be caused by a dozen different things, or your other grandchild might have got it wrong. Equally your DS may already be taking steps to make sure their DC is having supplements.

If you bring it up, unless they are enormously equable, I can see them taking offence. Besides which, they are 2000 miles away so there's nothing much you could do. I cannot see - given you needed to post and included a possible rift - why you couldn't have answered this yourself.

Teateaandmoretea · 13/05/2018 19:07

Denying a child the greatest source of human happiness there is (bacon cheeseburgers)?? Vegan parents are history's greatest monsters...

Oh calm down dear, I can't see anyone has described vegan parents as monsters.

Jainism... now I suspect there are even fewer of them than people who enforce vegan ism on 2yos. Am off to Google, have never heard of it and was referring to mainstream religions obviously

Teateaandmoretea · 13/05/2018 19:10

25k in the UK so 0.04% of the population from a quick Google.

nellieellie · 13/05/2018 19:24

Anaemia is very common in children. I was vegan for 23 years, vegey for last 11. My DS is mainly a dairy free vegan (he hates cheese and milk) and doesn’t eat meat or fish. He had blood tests for an unrelated matter and his iron levels are good. My DD is vegey and dairy free (she has eggs tho). She is also fine. Both have floravital supplement as welll as algae based omega 3. Vegan children are perfectly healthy as long as parents do sufficient research on nutrition.

lljkk · 13/05/2018 19:51

Jains have milk products & eggs. They don't have vit. B12 problems.

kitchensinkmum · 13/05/2018 20:20

The British dietetic association confirms veganism is healthy for all stages of life. Stop worry

kitchensinkmum · 13/05/2018 20:34

Lots of people are extreamly unhealthy when eating a standard British diet. Nobody points the finger at them even though they may feed their children takeaways, junk and no veggies. Vegans take a huge interest in their diet and that of their children's. Just be happy about it. I'm a long term vegan, my grown up children also, and my dog who's extreamly old and healthy. We've never been deficient of low in iron. All children academic and sporty the boys rugby players.

KateMcCallisterHAmom · 14/05/2018 00:41

My children are about the same age as your GC, OP, have been vegan (whole foods, plant-based) since birth, and are thriving. Not a single health concern for either. Neither has even ever had so much as a cold. I've also been vegan a very long time, and zero issues myself either - same for DH (nearly 20 years each!). It's the healthiest lifestyle, as shown if you care to spend some time on nutritionfacts.org/ - please do; it will set your mind at rest. Obviously you can be vegan and just eat crisps, vegan donuts, vegan ice cream and all the vegan junk food out there - but a well-balanced whole-foods plant-based diet is optimal. Well done to your son for choosing a compassionate lifestyle. I would be proud of him.

Polkadots72 · 14/05/2018 04:13

"My lovely granddaughters" ugh pass me the sick bucket and mind your own business. You've had your turn at raising children now it's your son and dils turn.

Plenty of sources of iron besides meat.

claraschu · 14/05/2018 05:13

OP, I think you have gone, but I wanted to mention that I understood that the development of our larger brains was dependent on the discovery of cooking, which makes nutrients so much more available to us.

I also want to take exception to your statement: "I don't believe I am prejudiced against a vegan diet as you said. My views may be different to yours but I don't consider you prejudiced." Sometimes one view IS prejudiced and the opposing one is not. You seem very far from open to any of the many stories and examples of healthy vegan families.