AIBU to want to discourage my son from making his children vegan

[Esspee]

My DS and DIL have gone vegan in the last year. They are very well informed so I kept quiet about my reservations.

Tonight on FaceTime my elder grandchild explained that the shadows under her sister's eyes are caused by lack of iron and said something about her bruising and mentioned seeing the doctor. I said nothing as I don't want to cause a family rift but my darling granddaughters seem to be suffering because of their parents following a fad.
What can/should I do?

''Even the NHS advise that veganism is perfectly healthy during pregnancy and for babies and children.''

This- some 'trusted' organisation like the WHO too have terrible outdated advise on diet and food. For instance, they promote a high carb diet when many studies have shown high protein and high fat diets to be much healthier.

It is hard because as above it needs planning and thought. A balanced diet doesn't. I'm sure it's not impossible and didn't say it was, personally I disagree with enforcing that on a young child, but people are allowed different views. You are happy with yours so why does my opinion matter?

I don't agree with pp. Last week on here a parent was asking if she should "make" her kids be vegan and the consensus was the children should be allowed to make their own decisions when they were old enough. Now this grandmother had evidence that her grandchildren's diet is deficient in iron and everyone tells her it's perfectly healthy. Well it can be, but actually there is a moral query as to whether a 4 year old should be coerced into being vegan because of parents' beliefs, and also in this case it apparently is causing problems as the 7 year old would not know about "needing iron" if they hadn't been told by an adult; she's not making it up.

OP I think you have a valid concern. You have been sympathetic and open minded but your granddaughters are potentially not as well as they could be as a result of their diet. I would suggest the girls be allowed dairy and eggs at least as a compromise.

bean your dd isn't even a vegan. A 2yo vegan is enforced though whichever way you look at it.

Calcium is actually easy - oranges, blackberries, spinach, broccoli.. omega 3's you need hemp or flax seeds, I mix a tablespoon into her breakfast every morning. B12 is the only thing you may need to supplement, but is in fortified cereals and plant based milks.

Every two year olds diet is ‘enforced’

Pretty much every plant milk is fortified with b12 and calcium. It would be quite tough to avoid t to be honest.

But a vegans is restricted and enforced there is a difference to just broadly allowing your child to eat anything within reason .....

OP do you have reason to think they won't heed their doctor's advice?

oldbirdy

The difference here is that the children aren’t asking not to be vegan. It’s not the child’s choice it’s the grandma having heard half a conversation and having no evidence whatsoever that the diet is an issue.

@Zintox thanks for that link. In the past everything was cooked in an iron pot then we switched to aluminium (possible link to Alzheimer's), now stainless steel. Sometimes the old ways are the best.

But a vegans is restricted and enforced there is a difference to just broadly allowing your child to eat anything within reason .....

No there isn't

'Danny's family choose to eat meat that's why he has drumsticks for tea. We don't eat meat in this house so we do t have drumstick.'

Vs

'Tommy's family choose to give him donuts for breakfast. We do t eat high sugar food in this house so we don't have donuts'

What's the difference ?

I'm vegetarian, never been anaemic even through 2 pregnancies. I recon I eat more iron than the average meat eater. Lots of people eat heavily processed meat these days with very little nutritional value.

I see you’re prejudiced against veganism, OP. That’s unfortunate. It means you’ll be unlikely to have a positive conversation about it.

A seven year old told you the “dark circles” under her four year old suster’s eyes were the result of an ironic deficiency? I’m finding it hard to imagine this conversation.

What are you hoping to get from this post?

*iron deficiency (the irony was an auto correct job)

Also my sister who is a meat lover has struggled with anemia for years, just sayin

A Vegan diet is not an easy one to just jump into, especially with young children. My 17 year old cousin did pretty much no research when she went vegan and it did not go well. She’s currently vegetarian and working on becoming vegan again in time as she becomes more knowledgeable in terms of nutrition.

As a grandparent I’m not sure what you can do because that all depends on the relationship you have with the family already. I know if my mum was concerned she’d say and I’d listen and take it on board. Same as my cousin did when her mum addressed the situation. If this is coming from a goood place without judgement then hopefully there can be a way forward.

@Oldbirdy. Thanks for that but my quandary is do I intercede and risk damaging my relationship with the parents?

She’s already said her son has done lots of research. He’s not a 17 year old just deciding to go vegan.

Well the difference quite obviously is that my dc are allowed to eat donuts if they want to, occasionally within reason whereas a vegans child is never allowed most food ever. Mine wouldn't eat a chicken drumstick for breakfast either ......

I feel you are just being rather obtuse tbh.

I’ve been a vegetarian for over 25 years now & I have to say I think eating meat is probably healthier. I brought up my kids eating meat & they can make their own mind up when they are old enough.

She’s already said her son has done lots of research. He’s not a 17 year old just deciding to go vegan.

Neither are the anti-vaxxers and they also do lots of research.

Esspee all you can do is research how to get lots of iron in a vegan diet and buy appropriate snacks etc. I don't think railing against it whatever you think will achieve anything apart from a row.

Neither are the anti-vaxxers and they also do lots of research.

What have anti-vaxxers got to do with anything at all? Do the nhs support anti-vaxxers?

I agree that at two you are deciding for them but the OPs GC are 4 and 7. So enforced may be the wrong word depending on the wishes of the children etc. I disagree they can’t eat most food though. We have dairy free cake, biscuits, chocolate, crisps, cheese, ice cream. There is a massive market out there. Calcium is easily derived from many sources and protein requirements are met from a tablespoon of peanut butter:)

But every parent enforced a diet. You can deny it all you want. But if your kid turned round and said they wanted to eat dog would you let them? And would you really let an infant aged child have a donut for breakfast. If you were Muslim or Jewish would you give them bacon occasionally if they asked for it? Or are they crap parents too for enforcing a particular diet?

OP your son is well informed about nutrition. He has taken his child to the doctor and presumably he is aware of how to get extra iron into his kids. And that there is in fact no need to eat meat or use cast iron pans () to increase iron intake. Drinking a glass or orange juice could be all that's needed.