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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want to discourage my son from making his children vegan

187 replies

Esspee · 12/05/2018 20:22

My DS and DIL have gone vegan in the last year. They are very well informed so I kept quiet about my reservations.

Tonight on FaceTime my elder grandchild explained that the shadows under her sister's eyes are caused by lack of iron and said something about her bruising and mentioned seeing the doctor. I said nothing as I don't want to cause a family rift but my darling granddaughters seem to be suffering because of their parents following a fad.
What can/should I do?

OP posts:
Metoodear · 13/05/2018 10:28

m.thegrocer.co.uk/561929.article?mobilesite=enabled

It’s not true and most people with allergies would say their shopping bill has increased

Soya milk and it’s like is more expensive
The soya yogurts are more expensive
Vegan cheese more expensive
Vegan or soya chocolate sauce
Vegan beer
Vegan wine
I could go on

So it’s not really truth full I spend
£60 a week for 5 people including meat and fish I have a 3,5,18 year old and a cat

Teacuphiccup · 13/05/2018 10:30

Going vegan is a pain in the arse for about two months when you’re getting used to what you can have and where to buy stuff then it just becomes habit and it’s really easy.

Moonkissedlegs · 13/05/2018 10:31

for example if the kids go to a birthday party do they have to refuse the cake and ice cream?

Yes, they do. And most of what else is on offer.

The thing about raising your kid vegan is that it must take up so much of your time and energy, if you are doing it properly, to ensure to your child consistently gets everything they need from their very restrictive diet.

And just simple things like going to a kids party, take planning, 'conversations' with the hosts, conversations with your child about why they can't have what everyone else is having, checking what it suitable at the table to eat, possibly making a packed lunch for your child.

I guess vegans think it's all worth it.

Metoodear · 13/05/2018 10:33

And you will also now conceede it’s a massive hassle when visiting others who have to cater or have the guilt of the person not being able to have anything

Teacuphiccup · 13/05/2018 10:36

Being vegan is only more expensive if you try and have the same diet as you had before but using vegan alternatives. Not only is that more expensive but it’s also really unhealthy.

Most vegans I know tend to only eat vegan cheese etc as a treat and then eat more curries, stews, hummus and things like that.

You can get vegan wine in my local co op for £5, also most lager is vegan we can have peroni and Stella and loads more that I can’t think of off the top of my head.

Moonkissedlegs · 13/05/2018 10:36

When my child does get old enough to choose what she eats, if she does choose to eat animal products I will be disappointed but I won't force her to be vegan then, but until she can make an informed choice about it I will feed her what I think is best for her and as she is completely healthy that will be vegan.

What if she gets older and decides, for whatever reason, that she wants to eat animal products but she can't tolerate them because her body has never had them before? I'm trying not for for this to be a goady question - would a vegan from birth be able to eat animal products after years of being vegan (I don't know?!)

Teacuphiccup · 13/05/2018 10:38

I didn’t say it was a massive hassle to host a vegan, because it’s not.

It’s only a hassle if you have zero imagination and can’t make a chilli or a curry, or get some veggie sausages in.

Moonkissedlegs · 13/05/2018 10:41

No it's probably not a massive hassle to host vegan (although as someone who is totally under confident about cooking and paranoid everyone hates my food as it is, I'm not sure I would cope preparing vegan food for others!).

But it must be a big hassle to go to someone else's thing as a vegan, especially if you are a child.

Metoodear · 13/05/2018 10:47

Teacuphiccup So getting something in you don’t eat yourself to host someone who’s vegan at a extra cost because vegans sausages are more pricey

That seems like hassle to me

Teacuphiccup · 13/05/2018 10:49

As a vegan I can tell you it’s not a hassle, worst thing that happens is you take something to eat with you.

lljkk · 13/05/2018 10:50

that still requires planning in advance.
I didn't realise what a hassle being vegetarian was (17 yrs) until I stopped being one. Freedom!

Moonkissedlegs · 13/05/2018 10:56

worst thing that happens is you take something to eat with you.

That's hassle isn't it? If I have been invited round somewhere for dinner I don't want to have to make my own dinner! Different strokes though.

Countrygirl38 · 13/05/2018 10:56

This is really none of your business. I know many extremely healthy vegan children. Also stop calling it a fad, you really could do with being more respectful of your son's choices. The low iron might not be to do with being vegan, many meat eaters are low in iron too. I advise you to not say or do anything as you risk pushing your son away.

Confusedbeetle · 13/05/2018 10:57

There have been cases of malnutrition due to veganism in pregnancy and in young children. This is a different issue than junk food and equally problematic due to lack of essential nutrients. You are right to be concerned. Difficult to interfere, hope the doctor will give some good advice. Supplements are not the best answer

Moonkissedlegs · 13/05/2018 10:58

Veganism is absolutely a 'trend'. How else would you explain the huge rise in the number of vegans in the UK in the last couple of years? And

Moonkissedlegs · 13/05/2018 10:58

Sorry, I didn't mean to put And there, I don't have anything further to say at that particular point!

AddictedtoAIBU · 13/05/2018 11:08

Being vegan isn't a cult, it is just that when you open your eyes to the animal suffering you want to share it with others in the hope they will see it too. Usually new vegans, once you've been vegan a while you realise people don't want to see it so you stop mentioning it. I'm a vegan but don't preach. However, the amount of people who approach me about it and then call me 'that vegan' is quite amusing 😁 Never lost a friend over it though!

I've lost one and a half stone, better hair, skin etc, given up smoking (not vegan) and generally feel in much better health. My teenager is also vegan and is eating a far more balanced diet than before (the condition we set on allowing her to become vegan) Without the hormones in dairy our own hormones have settled and so less pmts and angst in the house. Her teenage skin has now cleared up too which she is delighted with. We eat a better diet than before as we have less choice and so are more aware of the nutrients we need. I think most vegans think about minerals and vitamins more than meat eaters who presume that meat and two veg gives a balanced diet.

Veganism is rising at incredible pace, people are realising they can eat a healthy diet without consuming other beings. It is my belief that a plant based diet is healthier for humans than a meat based ones. I'm basing that on how me and my family feel after being vegan for nearly a year, my doctors reporting that my health is very good, things I've read, documentaries I've watched, we have 'hands to pick not claws to kill' has stuck with me.

@metoodear If your daughter is lactose intolerant (or as I call it 'Is not a calf') then surely you have these replacements in when SIL comes? If not, I agree with Teacup - a one pot vegan meal is the way. It won't harm anyone to eat one plant based meal and you will find you save loads as meat is the expensive bit.

Moonkissedlegs · 13/05/2018 11:14

we have 'hands to pick not claws to kill' has stuck with me.

See, I have no problem with other people being vegan if that is what suits them, and they want to adjust their lifestyle accordingly.

But... If humans had just relied on their 'hands to pick' throughout history, then we wouldn't be around having this conversation now. The reason that humans survived and thrived in the way they did as a species is because we evolved to be omnivores who could survive in almost any setting. Developed tools for hunting and killing because they didn't have claws. And whilst we don't really need to eat animals products right now to survive, there are lots of humans on this planet right now who would probably die out of they didn't kill animals to eat.

noplease · 13/05/2018 11:22

Again I'd say look at Facebook vegan groups if you're in Facebook, vegan kids UK etc. It's not hassle at all to eat vegan. Yes some alternatives are pricey but soya milk from Aldi only 59p. I don't eat much vegan cheese etc I don't feel like I need 'cheese' anymore.
My husband's not vegan but eats vegan most of the time as I'm the main cook and says as long as it tastes good he's not bothered. He understands why I'm vegan and has no problems with bringing our daughter up vegan.
As I said I had a vegan pregnancy also, no problems at all throughout pregnancy. All blood work etc fine. Daughter arrived on on time healthy weight. I breastfed her and still do nap times etc and she eats well throughout the day.
Nursery provide vegan alternatives to whatever meals they are having and soya milk. No one has ever really questioned me in real life about my choice. I suppose I'm quite lucky my friends and family all accept how me and my daughter eat and consider us when eating out or at parties etc.
There's also lots of accidently vegan products, most bread and dried pasta is vegan, crumpets etc. A lot of biscuits like oreos are. The co-op jam and custard donuts are vegan. Tesco and coop label their wine if it's vegan and so do Aldi. A lot of supermarkets have a vegan list too. The vegan womble is quite a good source.

noplease · 13/05/2018 11:23

veganuary.com/starter-kit/accidentally-vegan-products-uk/

I know there's junk food on there but just to let you see it's not as limited as a lot of people think.

AddictedtoAIBU · 13/05/2018 11:27

I totally agree that at points in history we would likely have become extinct if we didn't eat meat. We are adaptable and that has allowed us to survive. When we were cavemen etc, but we are not cavemen anymore. We can eat a fully balanced, plant based diet and thrive very well on it.
There are plenty of humans on the planet starving right now because the grain being grown is fed to animals to eat so we can eat the animal. We could end that easily.
There probably are humans who rely on hunting rather than the supermarket but we are not those humans. Let's be honest, most of us couldn't kill a cow or a pig ourselves. If the chips were down and we had to go out hunting and gathering with no tools we would be more likely to be eating foraged fruits and nuts than a pig.

lljkk · 13/05/2018 11:30

most of us couldn't kill a cow or a pig ourselves

we had a whole thread about that... plenty of us were sure we indeed kill. Besides, killing is the easy bit. Preparing the carcass is the hard work. Need to remove many bits & find a way to store the rest until ready to cook & try not to make a huge mess & get it dirty/infected with some nasty bug.

starzig · 13/05/2018 11:34

YABU. vegan, veggie, omni has no effect on how healthy a diet you have. You can have an omni with a good diet and an omni on a poor diet. Same with vegan and veggie

lifechangesforever · 13/05/2018 11:35

Being vegan isn't a fad 🤦🏻‍♀️ I say that as a meat eater myself.

They're probably a lot healthier than the kids who can just eat whatever they want without limits, however, the elder grandchild wouldn't know about iron deficiency without being told by an adult so I presume they know what the problem is and are working to resolve it.

Just keep out of it.

lifechangesforever · 13/05/2018 11:37

Just read more.. trend is no better Confused you're suggesting that you're DS and DIL are just sheep when being vegan is a huge commitment and in all honesty, admiral. I'll be trying myself once I've given birth.