Friends Wedding

[Abcdef1277]

Hi all, I’ve name changed as my other name is quite outing.
A friend of mine is getting married in a few months time. We used to be extremely close but due to living not as close anymore and growing up and having families etc we’re not as close as we once was.
The invites came out a while ago and I straight away rsvp’d to say we would love to come meaning myself dh and ds.
I have now found out that children are not invited, which is fair enough I know that some times your limited for numbers or you only want family children there, that’s all fine I’m not upset or anything maybe just a little disappointed as I wanted to go as a family.
It turns out there is a festival on the same weekend that my dh desperately wants to go to (I do to) an we would take ds.
AIBU in saying sorry to my friend an not go an just go to the festival?

Yes, go to the festival.

Go to the festival.

Wow you would rather go to a festival than your friends wedding which is a one off occassion? You would be massively unreasonable if you have rsvp yes to go then go to the festival.

If I found out you rsvp yes then changed your mind to go to another the event I would end the friendship.

if they didn't make it clear that children weren't invited on the invite, then YANBU, go to th festival

Very bad manners to not go to the wedding after you’d confirmed your attendance. How would feel if you’d organised a party and lots of people who said they’d come along changed their mind nearer the time?

Not sure how you thought your DS was invited if his name wasn’t on invitation.

You can't change your mind once you've already replied. It would be incredibly rude. If you hadn't already replied, it would have been fine.

Wow. Just wow. You haven't indicated that not taking the DCs would be a problem in terms of childcare. Just that you'd like to go as a family.

You've replied yes. Something else has come up. You'd be VU to now cancel on that basis.

Very rude to pull out at this late notice after already saying you'll go

Why did you assume it meant your DC too if it didn’t say??

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to not go if it means having to sort expensive childcare, but I’m intrigued to know what goes through peoples minds when they receive an invite for a wedding that doesn’t specify their children? I would never assume my kids were invited to a wedding.

What was specified on the invite? If it was not clear that DS wasn’t invited the YANBU to cancel. If it was just you & your DH named and not DS then you are.

How have you found out that DS isn't invited? Did you include his name on the RSVP?

Why did you assume your kids were invited?

Festival.

I had the opposite and assumed baby DS wasn't invited to the evening wedding do as he wasn't named on the invitation. Was casually told to bring him when I said couldn't go due to not wanting to leave bf baby no babysitters.

From your post it seems the issue is not that your son can’t go, but that you would rather go to the festival. In this case you are being unreasonable and frankly rude. I would be very offended if it were my wedding.

Go to the festival and cancel politely without fuss. Make sure you buy her a present off her list and send her a best wishes card. She’ll invite someone else and not mind.

”From your post it seems the issue is not that your son can’t go, but that you would rather go to the festival. In this case you are being unreasonable and frankly rude”

Yes, this exactly.

100% depends on how much you actually value the friendship and given that you've come on to ask the question i'd guess not that much really otherwise you wouldn't have considered it.

How many months is it away? She may not have confirmed numbers with venue yet. I did get extremely annoyed at the few people who changed after RSVPing yes including someone who I'd previously thought of as a good friend who let me know the day before by text - I haven't spoken to her since.

Wow I wasn’t expecting that response. Just for the record the wedding is still several months away and wouldn’t cause to much disruption to her.
I can’t find the invite to see what it said on it.
I know that another friends child is going so I guess I just presumed my child would be invited.
Obviously I would prefer to go to my friends wedding but we come as a family and I’m not prepared to leave him behind as I know I would see the other children there and be annoyed that mine wasn’t.
She will still have a brilliant day without me there.

To me it sounds like you would rather spend time with your family than attend your friends wedding. It isn't a crime. I don't know how I would feel as the bride, I guess it would say a lot about how you felt about me. If she isn't a close friend and you don't mind losing her, go to the festival. If not, then put your desires aside and do something for someone else.

I'd go to the festival as well.

I don't like child free weddings. But that's their choice!

Have you asked her? She may have included yours as familly

we come as a family

Urgh

If you would really rather go to a festival over seeing one of your good friends get married just because you would have to spend a few hours away from your DC, then you should tell the bride now and accept that it's probably the end of your friendship

Go to the festival.

OP you initially said

I have now found out that children are not invited,

And now you are saying that the issue is that other guests DC are going and it is just yours who has been excluded.

Which is it?