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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends Wedding

137 replies

Abcdef1277 · 12/05/2018 18:51

Hi all, I’ve name changed as my other name is quite outing.
A friend of mine is getting married in a few months time. We used to be extremely close but due to living not as close anymore and growing up and having families etc we’re not as close as we once was.
The invites came out a while ago and I straight away rsvp’d to say we would love to come meaning myself dh and ds.
I have now found out that children are not invited, which is fair enough I know that some times your limited for numbers or you only want family children there, that’s all fine I’m not upset or anything maybe just a little disappointed as I wanted to go as a family.
It turns out there is a festival on the same weekend that my dh desperately wants to go to (I do to) an we would take ds.
AIBU in saying sorry to my friend an not go an just go to the festival?

OP posts:
BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 12/05/2018 20:22

Go to the festival and let your friend celebrate her vows with people that actually care about her and want to be there.

The "we come as a family" is cringeworthy. It's strange you ignore that for other events bar weddings.

Original poster
Abcdef1277 · 12/05/2018 20:22

I think some of you haven’t read what I have previously posted. Of course I can leave my child, I go to work, I attend gigs occasionally, I work night shifts it’s certainly not because I can not leave my child. It’s that I don’t want to go to a wedding without my child when I had been expecting him to go. I can not find the invite to see what it specifically said on it and like I said as I knew another friends child is going (I thought we were just as good friends) I just presumed.
I actually think that my ds was invited but they have invited to many people for the venue to hold and have now decided that guests children can not come. I may be wrong but knowing her that’s the sort of thing she would do then panic and start looking where she can cut numbers.
Also I’m not just not going because a better offer has come along, obviously I would prefer to go to her wedding but I know I would be resentful of the fact that there are other children.

OP posts:
clutteringfunt · 12/05/2018 20:26

Oh jeez, this could be my wedding Confused
Not the 4th August is it ?

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/05/2018 20:32

And now you’re blaming the situation on her. Well done for totally justifying your choice. Confused

cluttering
Hopefully none of your guests will be rude enough do this to you.

Original poster
Abcdef1277 · 12/05/2018 20:33

clutteringfunt don’t panic it’s not it’s in September Smile

OP posts:
MrsCatE · 12/05/2018 20:35

OP. Pisses me off big time loads of tossers never read whole thread. Please go and do your's, DH and DC own thing - ffs, I'm sure you can notice of non attendance so far in advance!!

thecatsthecats · 12/05/2018 20:37

I read your posts just fine. Where else did the cringey comments about your family come from?

corcaithecat · 12/05/2018 20:38

I'd rather watch paint dry than attend a wedding so if you'd prefer to go to the festival, then go there instead. Just make sure you tell your friend that you've changed your mind.

Original poster
Abcdef1277 · 12/05/2018 20:38

Mummyoflittledragon Everyone’s children were invited to my wedding as that’s what I wanted and I also wanted everyone there and not decide not to come because there children weren’t invited.

Most people think I’m being unreasonable to consider doing something else with my family so I’ll attend the wedding, which I honestly did want to do more. I’m just disappointed as I was looking forward to taking my ds.

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 12/05/2018 20:39

If she's a good friend, why can't you just call or text her to clarify whether your DS is invited or not? If he isn't, couldn't you go to the wedding and then join your DH and DS at the festival afterwards?

MyNameIsNotSteven · 12/05/2018 20:41

FranticallyPeaceful I love your response thank you

Because it says what you want to hear. Doesn't make it the decent thing to do.

Original poster
Abcdef1277 · 12/05/2018 20:53

Lizzie48 Yes I have messaged her an he is not invited. She put something on social media about the wedding and guests kids not coming which luckily I saw otherwise we would have just turned up. Yes I think my ds and dh will go to the festival and then I’ll go a bit later that’s a great idea thank you Smile

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 12/05/2018 21:05

So from what you've just posted your friends DC are not going either. Go and have a fab time with your friends. Taking kids to weddings is nice in theory but not always such fun in practice.

It sounds like she posted on social media because someone (maybe the friend you referred to) misunderstood and she wanted to clarify.

isitfridayyet1 · 12/05/2018 21:28

Rude to rsvp and decide not to go due to a festival. I imagine the festival happens yearly so why not go next year?

ForceItDown · 12/05/2018 21:41

Yes good idea, do both! Now you need to head in over to Style and Beauty and ask for an outfit suitable for a wedding and a festival. Or you could go to the wedding in Festival garb for a laugh? 🤔

Ki0612 · 12/05/2018 21:44

I honestly think it's so rude to say you are going to a wedding then decline the invite. If my friend did that then went to a festival I would assume that was the end of the friendship.

GreenTulips · 12/05/2018 21:51

I would assume that was the end of the friendship

You'd end a friendship over someone declining and invitation?

PoorYorick · 12/05/2018 21:59

God, why do people post in AIBU if they're not prepared to hear from anyone who thinks they are?

JaneyEJones · 12/05/2018 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dozer · 12/05/2018 22:04

“It’s that I don’t want to go to a wedding without my child when I had been expecting him to go.”

That’s unreasonable.

PoorYorick · 12/05/2018 22:09

I'd end a friendship over someone telling me they'll be at my wedding, then retracting their acceptance so they can go elsewhere to punish me because my wedding wasn't what they wanted.

We had no children at our wedding because the venue simply wasn't big enough for the extra numbers. I'd have been very happy to have them but we had a budget and we couldn't afford for everyone to bring their kids. If anyone didn't like that, they weren't arsehole enough to tell us.

CocoaGin · 12/05/2018 22:10

Go to the festival.

People who include some children but not others are a PITA.

PurpleDaisies · 12/05/2018 22:15

I'd end a friendship over someone telling me they'll be at my wedding, then retracting their acceptance so they can go elsewhere to punish me because my wedding wasn't what they wanted.

I pretty much agree. I wouldn’t call the friendship off but it would seriously kill any closeness we had. You obviously don’t think much of your friend.

Lizzie48 · 13/05/2018 07:39

I can't believe that official invitations have already been sent out, if the wedding is months away. Was it simply a Save The Date card? Regardless, I can't see why anyone would end a friendship about something like this. Life is really too short for that, your wedding is a very special day, but not the be all and end all.

Belindabauer · 13/05/2018 07:55

I agree with the op.
I went to my friends allegedly child free wedding.
My dcs were very young at the time , ds was still a baby.
She told me that children were not attending.
When we arrived there was a child there.
I mentioned this and she replied that she had to invite her as the other patents would have kicked off big time.I
To say I was passed off is an understatment.
She did it again at a bbq.
I had dd2 then who was around 2/3 months old and breastfeed.
Invited just myself and dh. I had no issue with this told her no we wouldn't be going as I was with dc and not in opposition to leave my baby.
She rang on the day asking us to go, in the background I heard a child laughing. I asked her exhibit was, she replied the same child who had gone to her wedding.
I didn't go and never fell out with her, I suppose she just didn't see the unfairness of picking and choosing some dc over others.
It's fine to have a child free wedding but don't expect everyone will attend especially if you make it one rule for one person and another rule for someone else.