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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends Wedding

137 replies

Abcdef1277 · 12/05/2018 18:51

Hi all, I’ve name changed as my other name is quite outing.
A friend of mine is getting married in a few months time. We used to be extremely close but due to living not as close anymore and growing up and having families etc we’re not as close as we once was.
The invites came out a while ago and I straight away rsvp’d to say we would love to come meaning myself dh and ds.
I have now found out that children are not invited, which is fair enough I know that some times your limited for numbers or you only want family children there, that’s all fine I’m not upset or anything maybe just a little disappointed as I wanted to go as a family.
It turns out there is a festival on the same weekend that my dh desperately wants to go to (I do to) an we would take ds.
AIBU in saying sorry to my friend an not go an just go to the festival?

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 12/05/2018 19:49

I think you should talk to your friend. Tell her you accepted thinking your DC was included in the invitation. If he's included, you should go as you accepted. If he's not included, tell her you understand completely, but that you won't be able to attend after all as you and your DH had the long weekend blocked off to make it a family weekend. Wish her well and enjoy the festival.

Pikehau · 12/05/2018 19:50

Festival

Going to a wedding with your Kids is a pain. Trying to get childcare to go to a wedding is an even bigger hassle.

Wedding is months away, just say childcare preventing you from being table to accept now shame as you were so looking forward to It and leave it at that.

I still cringe how I attended a wedding in a hotel at great expense and had to keep my 12mth old hidden as he wasn’t invited! I mean hidden as away from the wedding dress not literally hidden under a blanket! No way enjoyable.

Go have fun at the festival

expatinscotland · 12/05/2018 19:50

How's she going to know if her mate goes to a festival, though? Just make up an excuse and pull out.

Pikehau · 12/05/2018 19:50

*wedding areas not dress!!!

kissthealderman · 12/05/2018 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

boywiththebrokensmile2 · 12/05/2018 19:54

''I know that another friends child is going so I guess I just presumed my child would be invited.
Obviously I would prefer to go to my friends wedding but we come as a family and I’m not prepared to leave him behind as I know I would see the other children there and be annoyed that mine wasn’t.''

I am sorry op but yabvu and petty and frankly a bit you sound like a child yourself. Unless your child had associations with the couple then no you should not have being expecting an invite. Leave your child with your parents or a sister/brother for the day. You can have a day or 2 away from your child, it will not kill you or your dc. You sound like you want to go to the festival and are using this as an excuse.

1981m · 12/05/2018 19:54

Abc- but it's not your wedding and so isn't about your family. It's about the bride and grooms families. Your Ds is not their friend or part of their family I don't really understand why they you think they would be invited.

You clearly don't want to go to the wedding and I think you are using ds not being invited as an excuse. So decline the invite, but you will probably say bye to the friendship. If I was your friend I would think it was really odd.

ZenNudist · 12/05/2018 19:55

Festival

AntiGrinch · 12/05/2018 19:56

"I think calling it one of the hardest days work you've ever done when presumably you were/are a parent of two small children is a bit dramatic!"

:)

yes ok it has nothing on the Great Chickenpox Month of June 2015 :)

but in cases like that, I was doing it for my family. In this case, I was standing about just because some ponce had decided that chairs would ruin the chi, or something. I got a train at 11pm and sneaked out so no one would realise I had gone before the couple, and got home at nearly 2am. I was wiped out for a while.

And... I think my relationshop with the woman is different, becayse I showed up. But. I don't know if it was worth it, to be honest

PuppetOnAString · 12/05/2018 19:57

I’m sorry for me a wedding is about family

No, weddings are about the bride and groom.

I have now found out that children are not invited, which is fair enough I know that some times your limited for numbers or you only want family children there,

but we come as a family

Which is it?

Cancel as that’s clearly what you are going to do but be prepared for the friendship to cool when the bride realises you’ve sacked off her wedding for a festival.

Your world may revolve around your DS, no one else’s has to. You sound like the professionally offended.

Lizzie48 · 12/05/2018 20:00

I'm just wondering how I would have felt about something like this. I had a couple friends pull out, and I wasn't offended. But then, space was at a premium, so I was able to invite local friends who had previously been only invited to the evening do.

But I did have telephone calls explaining, and I really appreciated that. Communication is the key.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 12/05/2018 20:01

I think yanbu for cancelling but you are being very unreasonable for saying 'we come as a family'
The bride is friends with you, not your child. She can want to spend time with you and not your kids.

GreenTulips · 12/05/2018 20:01

The wedding is about 2 people getting married

Yep - and they'll both still be married wether OP goes or not.

1981m · 12/05/2018 20:01

Maybe she thought you would love a night away from ds. I love being invited to weddings to spend time with dh alone. It doesn't happen often and it makes me feel like it's old times, as much as I love my dcs everyone needs a break. I personally think having 1-1 time with dh as a married couple is just as important as having family time.

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/05/2018 20:02

if ds was invited would you still want togo to the festival

does seem weird some children are going and not yours

then again if 50 couples so 100 people all brought one child that increases by 1/3and maynot have space or budget for all

say to friend you cant come due to no childcare and see what she says

NerrSnerr · 12/05/2018 20:02

I assume the invitation didn't mention your son and you just assumed he was invited? I personally think it'd be rude to back out now. You should have read the invitation properly,

WallisFrizz · 12/05/2018 20:03

She’s not the professionally offended, she’s someone who has hoped she could take her family to a wedding to be told that she would have to leave one family member behind and therefore made other better plans.

Lizzie48 · 12/05/2018 20:05

Historically weddings were about family. It's only in the modern western world that it's just about the bride and groom. In other parts of the world it is still about family. And one of the cherished memories is my FIL saying a prayer for us during the service, as he died in a car accident 7 months later, and we can still see that in the wedding video. Too bad we have to see my DSis's abusive ex, but hey ho.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/05/2018 20:08

You’ve obviously made up your mind. I’m surprised so many people have said pull out. I consider that rude. The festival will be there next year.

altiara · 12/05/2018 20:11

I think you’re being rude. You start off saying you’re not bothered that children aren’t invited and DS likely wasn’t mentioned on the invite that you conveniently can’t find - imagine if every friend/family member came as a family of 4, then 20 invites = 80 people. It’s just not doable. But clearly you just want to bin her off and go to the festival and are trying to get yourself outraged over DC not being invited.
If you think youre happy to let this friendship slide, then change your acceptance so she has time to rejig numbers.

Viola82 · 12/05/2018 20:14

wow. so rude, hope your friend is reading this.

mellicauli · 12/05/2018 20:15

If you are happy to abandon the friendship forever, by all means cancel. If you'd like to remain friends, you need to go.

Mar1984 · 12/05/2018 20:16

My question is why are you even asking?
The majority (myself included) think you should go to the wedding and what your doing is actually hurtful and rude yet your answers clearly show your going to the festival. It’s one day at a wedding without your child and yes weddibgs are family events but you are not the brides family you are her friend so your son not being invited shouldn’t matter

TheyBuiltThePyramids · 12/05/2018 20:20

So people not talk anymore? My friend had a big birthday celebration and it wasn't clear about kids, so I ASKED her.

thecatsthecats · 12/05/2018 20:20

Go to the festival.

Not because it's the right thing to do, but because you have an intolerably self centered attitude to your friend's happy event and they're better off without you.

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