Friends Wedding

[Abcdef1277]

Hi all, I’ve name changed as my other name is quite outing.
A friend of mine is getting married in a few months time. We used to be extremely close but due to living not as close anymore and growing up and having families etc we’re not as close as we once was.
The invites came out a while ago and I straight away rsvp’d to say we would love to come meaning myself dh and ds.
I have now found out that children are not invited, which is fair enough I know that some times your limited for numbers or you only want family children there, that’s all fine I’m not upset or anything maybe just a little disappointed as I wanted to go as a family.
It turns out there is a festival on the same weekend that my dh desperately wants to go to (I do to) an we would take ds.
AIBU in saying sorry to my friend an not go an just go to the festival?

I find these threads so strange. Why are people not prepared to leave their ds/dd behind for one night/weekend at a wedding? You don't need to be with your child 24/7, you are a separate person to them, it doesn't mean you don't come as a family. It's not like you're going away and leaving them for a long time whilst you're on holiday, it's a wedding! Go and enjoy yourself with your dh and look forwards to seeing ds when you get back. I don't see the big deal people personally. I like having an opportunity to spend time with dh on our own, child free and just be myself.

It's does depend on the age of the child though. Totally understand if baby or ebf

Just tell her that something has come up and yiur not able to go. Do this now, so that she Can fill your place, be prepared for the friendship to go downhill though. If it was a close friend, I would go to the wedding.

Ooh I'm dithering

Would you want to go to the wedding if your DS was invited?

I’m a mother of three doesn’t mean my dc have to attend all social situations weddings and festivals included.

”Obviously I would prefer to go to my friends wedding but we come as a family and I’m not prepared to leave him behind as I know I would see the other children there and be annoyed that mine wasn’t.”

In your OP you said you weren’t upset, only a little disappointed. Now you’re saying that even though you’d rather go to the wedding, you’re so angry about DS not being invited that you’re planning on rescinding your acceptance and not going purely because you can’t bring him.

I was not a bridezilla at all but I was very hurt when a couple of people didn't come to my wedding as they basically couldn't be bothered. It could mean the end of your friendship.

I went to a childfree wedding, alone, without my then 18 month old and P and it was bloody hard work. I was working full time and I had no idea I would miss dd like hell till it all kicked in. I was treated really badly as a pregnant person travelling on a train (not able to get into the loo after church and before dinner because "sorry hun the photographer is really kicking off now" head tilt WTF, why did I put up with that?) no chairs for ENDLESS standing about periods, shit vegetarian dinner for no reason ("we thought you would prefer it as you are expecting" WTF) - anyway it was bloody miserable and was one of the hardest day's work I've ever done. Do what the fuck you want as long as you say so NOW.

it would be very bad manners to pull out of the wedding because something better has come up.

So yes, YABVU.

By 'invite', do you mean save the date this far in advance? If the latter, YANBU, but if it actually was an invitation YABU not to at least go yourself if childcare is a genuine issue.

Another vote for festival here.
If another friend’s child was invited and not mine, no way in HELL would I be spending the amount of money it costs to go to someone else’s wedding on hers. Spend the money on the festival instead and bloody enjoy it!

You've already RSVPed to say you're going so it's incredibly rude to welch on it for a festival. But you obviously don't like her any more and are offended that your child isn't invited, so I guess it just depends on whether you feel bad enough about being rude.

Festival. You’d clearly have more fun as a family and I don’t see the issue. You’ll get a lot of “omg leave your kid, can I not be away from them? U got issues” posts, but meh, your friend is getting married, great, but really marriage doesn’t need a crowd. I’d much prefer a good weekend with my babies and OH

1981m I am happy to leave my child to do other things, but I’m sorry for me a wedding is about family an I would want to go with my family.
happypoobum Sorry didn’t mean to not be clear there are family children going and obviously a select few and yes it definitely does mean my child isn’t invited.

I think you've already made up your mind, you're looking for excuses and validation to not go because something better has turned up. That is rude and it is very hurtful when someone does it to you.

I cringe at the comment 'we come as a family' and it's a bit of a drip feed to say that your dc has been excluded and others haven't. Was your ds' name on the save the date / invitation? I would never assume my dc were invited to a wedding.

I agree with those who say yabu.

FranticallyPeaceful I love your response thank you

Bad manners to rsvp to a wedding invite then change your mind because you fancy a festival instead. Not your friends fault you read the invite wrong.

How did you find out that your DS was not invited? Are you sure some children aren't invited and others are? That's fairly unusual unless you are just talking about family children.

AntiGrinch that's does sound annoying but honestly it was one day and you child was 18 months. I think calling it one of the hardest days work you've ever done when presumably you were/are a parent of two small children is a bit dramatic! Also if the OPs son is going to a festival I doubt he is as young as that.

**I'd go to the festival as well.

I don't like child free weddings. But that's their choice! **

^I agree with this.

It would be really rude and probably tremendously hurtful to your friend if you were to pull out now and go to a festival instead. You contradict yourself on your posts about other people’s children being there. If it really is the case that friends children are invited and your sole child isn’t, I think I would politely ask the bride why that is, and offer to pay for your DC if cost is the issue. You have nothing to lose in asking, as if you skip the wedding for a festival your friendship will be a dead duck anyway.

So in principle you're offended by a childfree wedding invite?

I think one route is to be honest. It's hard for anyone to guess that you feel that strongly.

I wonder if she's in that spot where inviting all children means there's going to be an unmanageable number?

but I’m sorry for me a wedding is about family an I would want to go with my family.

The wedding is not about you, it is about them.

You should go because you've said you're going and a wedding is a one off special occasion, not an annual event. You clearly aren't going to, but just own the fact that you are being rude and trying to punish them.

I find these threads so strange. Why are people not prepared to leave their ds/dd behind for one night/weekend at a wedding? You don't need to be with your child 24/7, you are a separate person to them, it doesn't mean you don't come as a family.

This x 10000000

''I’m intrigued to know what goes through peoples minds when they receive an invite for a wedding that doesn’t specify their children? I would never assume my kids were invited to a wedding.''

This. My parents went to many many weddings when I was a kid and myself and my siblings often did not go or were expecting an invite unless maybe it was a 1st cousin and sometimes not even then. Like when my mum's sister got married when I was 9, it was only my parents that attended as we were not close to her. Why would you automatically expect your kids to be invited? That seems bizarre. Also wedding invites will clearly say who is invited.