To be feeling shit after spending time with wealthier friends

[Iwantmoreketchupplease]

Actually I'm pretty sure I am being unreasonable but I need to get it out anyway so please don't flame me I've been on here ages but have name changed for this.

DH and I met up with our best friends (two other married couples) yesterday evening. Coincidentally, the other two men have both just secured big (as in potentially life changing) promotions at work so there was a lot of talk about that as both couples are, understandably, excited about what it means for them. Both couples were already quite a bit better off than us, to the extent that sometimes when they suggest things for us all to do, places to eat etc. it's awkward because we have to say "actually we can't afford that". So now the difference between our situations will become even more pronounced I suppose. Last night one of the women was excitedly chatting about how she can now afford to give up work to be a SAHM and the other couple were talking about their plans for a 'holiday of a lifetime' next year.

I am pleased for them. Really, I am. But I also feel like DH and I are getting left behind and I suppose I'm just realising that this kind of thing will never happen for us. I've never thought of myself as a materialistic person but i'm ashamed to say I've found myself feeling quite low about it all today.

DH is currently working 50+ hour weeks and has a hellish commute on top of that. He is trying so hard to get on at work but was recently passed over for promotion (in favour of a younger, less experienced man who happens to be dating the bosses daughter) and I know he's feeling quite deflated. He has tried looking elsewhere but he works in quite a niche area and his are limited as he has no academic qualifications. He was always bright but didn't apply himself in school and left school at 16 to go out to work as soon as he could to his very difficult and chaotic home life, whereas most of our friends our educated at least to degree level. I had a well paid but very stressful part time role but was forced to give it up following a breakdown in my mental health. So I now have to work full time in a less stressful, but lower paying, low status job that I'm overqualified for. Everyday I'm talked down to by people who assume I'm uneducated or inexperienced because of my position. There is no possibility of progression and I'll never be able to go back to what I was doing before. So neither of us is where we want to be and I think last night just really brought it home to me.

I know we are lucky compared to many (we have our own home, for example) but we haven't had a holiday for years and have to budget very carefully. I know money isn't everything, but of course it would be nice to have the money to join a gym, get a cleaner, go on regular shopping trips and spa days like most of my friends do or to not have to worry if something goes wrong with the car or an appliance breaks down unexpectedly.

Any words of wisdom or advice on how to get past feeling like this would be much appreciated. I definitely don't want to distance myself from good friends just because they're doing better in life than we are but equally I don't want to feel like shit every time we get together.

@Dozer :-) I certainly wasn't making sweeping statement like that - sorry if you read it as such. I was giving some examples about some of my rich university type mates being miserable and struggling to keep up with the Jones' and some of my other mates who haven't gotten carried away. Those particular examples are not low paid, they do not have higher education but have grafted and ended up working in fields that pay very well. Those friends in particular have not had the need to 'keep up'.

There seems to be a perception with OP and her circle that all these boys' promotions have to somehow be shown to the world by way of bigger houses, cars, etc. etc. That's a tricky balance and if done wrong people end up in too much debt.

Whether you get paid a lot or a little, I guess the key is to live within your means and more importantly your comfort zone. I try (and largely fail tbh) to live below my means as I am totally paranoid about it all going wrong and it is important to me that I have an emergency 'cushion'.

My original point to OP stands though - you just do you, things can change quickly with your friends and you shouldn't feel crappy about their success.

I'll add this to the mix as I mentioned about friends changing when things change. Reasons I have been 'dumped' by so-called friends over the course of my life:

Change of address: moving even a few miles away was enough to cut off contact
Change of job: no longer having "something to offer" (mainly male friends) as a networking contact.
Change of relationship status: no longer single / no longer married friend (this one hurts the most) / being a parent
Change of man: my partner's status / job changing (same sort who stopped inviting me to dinner parties when I became single)

People wear their friends like badges and that is the whole problem with this post's conundrum.

Send them the sketch from Harry Enfield. 'I've got more money than you'.

I have some much wealthier friends who can holiday / shop / decorate / drive what they want and it's human nature to get the odd twinge of something akin to jealousy / longing.

But equally i then remind myself that to others i am extremely fortunate as i have my own home (albeit mortgaged), a car and can choose what i want to eat rather than having no option but to eat value beans.

One friend of mine is a wonderful human, but due to a series of unfortunate events combined with a few less than perfect choices is, age 35, having to move into another friends caravan with no assets or money to her name.

Yes, perhaps your friends could have been a slightly more tactful, but it doesn't sound like they were deliberately being unkind, just slightly unthinking.

Two things OP if the grass is greeener, tend to your lawn - this could end up being a kick up the bum to start something new - not necessarily get richer but take up a hobby you live or do something amazing that makes your life brilliant.

Second, has had been said here you don’t know what else is going on. One of my friends is very well off, but is really sad a lot of the time (marriage and difficult children). I wouldn’t trade. I’ve been wealthier than I am now and it made some things easier, but I wasn’t happier.

A friend of mine has a lovely husband and child - they are a very happy family. They don't earn much money and my friend got a bit down about this. At the time I was single and had a decent job. I remember a conversation about how I'd give all my luxuries up in a flash to have what they have- but there would be no way she'd give up her family for the extra money. I'm now in a similar situation to her- I have an amazing family but not much money for extras. It would of course be nice to have both though!!

You have to think to yourself further down the line one of their husbands could die young, a child become ill, lose a parent etc... have you heard the phrase if you put the rooms problems in a pile you would scramble to retrieve your own?
Also, try EFT - there a videos on YouTube and focus on you and what you can improve