AIBU to be upset that DH is not interested in Harry Potter

[Typinginbed]

I’m a middle aged woman and for years I’ve loved all things Harry Potter. The books caught my imagination and the universal and uplifting themes appeal to me.

I wouldn’t say I’m a mega fan. I don’t know how to meet with other fans but once a year I dress up for Comic-Con. I read fanfiction in my spare time. I watched cursed child at the theatre (it was a good play but a shit story). I’ve been to the uk Harry Potter tours but would not go abroad for it. I hope I’m painting a clear picture.

I’ve been married for 15 years and my husband has not even read one of the books. It’s not that he is not a reader, he reads lots of fantasy etc. He even introduced me to Game of Thrones in the 90s before it was mainstream and I watch that with him and have read the books.

He’s a football fan and I’ve bought him the novelty socks, gone to a few games. I don’t particularly enjoy it but I will be there when he’s watching it on tv sometimes, maybe playing on my phone or in and out of the room.

DH has never even read one HP book. He has only sat through part of one film as me and the DC were watching. He was talking over it and making annoying comments (e.g. when Hagrid comes on screen he will say ‘he could do with a trim!’ ‘Oh he’ll have someone’s eye out running with that wand!’ during a sad bit). We have the audiobooks but he won’t listen even.

He says ‘I’ll get round to reading them after xyz’ but for 15 years it hasn’t happened. I’ve told him it’s important to me.

AIBU to be hurt by this.

Maybe he prefers adult books.

I think it's the talking over the films and that type of thing that's the real issue. My husband isn't what I'd call a fan of HP, but he owns and has enjoyed the films - I wouldn't dream of sitting there spoiling his enjoyment by making silly comments just because they don't interest me.

YABU, and I say that as a huge HP fan! Just because he's your DH doesn't mean he has to automatically like the same thing! Plenty of things I like and vice versa that DH doesn't like. We cope. (Love the fact you go to Comic Con, always wanted to go there! Been to some smaller ones though)

YABU, my DH loves football and cricket and my DS Paw Patrol... wouldn’t watch either of them (although I do read PP books to DS but... he’s 2) and my family couldnt give a shit about eastenders but I love it.

(Realises ashamedly we are a family of telly addicts)

I’ve been married for years to someone who doesn’t share some of my passions, and so has he. It’s not the indifference or active dislike I see as a problem, but the lack of respect for someone else. So I don’t like snooker, but I wouldn’t talk through a game or stop him watching. Likewise if I loved HP, he wouldn’t take the piss.

I absolutely love HP, but sorry, YABU. You say that it's that he 'doesn't give a shit about something important to you'. That makes it sound like a humanitarian cause or something. A series of books/films is not something that a non-fan should be expected to give a shit about. His indifference need have no effect whatsoever on your enjoyment of HP. It's not a reflection of his attitude to you - he just isn't interested in Harry Potter! Fortunately all my immediate family are complete Potterheads, but there are certainly other hobbies/interests on which we don't see eye-to-eye.

DUMP HIM

Reading the title, I honestly thought this was a joke thread.

It's not bad if OP's DH like reading then you can say he could have tried. He does not even like reading books. I often watch something that I don't like in the evening with DH, my brain can switch off when it gets bored. To get upset when you can't make someone engage with something you personally like is just controlling.

YANBU. I decided a long time ago that my chosen life partner must have read, and enjoyed, the Harry Potter books. I'm sure the fact that I'm still single is entirely unrelated.

It's important to you?
Get a life.

Yes, it's important to me. I first read it during an incredibly traumatic family death and the escapism really helped me.

Why does that mean I don't have a life? How utterly horrible.

We all have books and films that are particularly important or special to us, Ethylred - what the book or film is, is not relevant. I have certain books I turn to for comfort when something horrible is happening in my life, including some childhood favourites. It's a totally normal thing to do; there is no reason to tell people to 'get a life' .

You say you aren't a big HP fam but, outside fandom circles and standards, you're a massive one! Is it childish? Perspective is everything. Personally I don't see the attraction of watching a bunch of wealthy men chase a leather ball of air around for extended periods of time.

I think the key reason you're peeved (and I may be over-identifying here ) is because your DH mocked the very little HP he was prepared to nearly engage with while you've gone to football matches and sat quietly with him while he watches them to TV. So do I think YBU on that score? No, he was being rude. But insisting he gets involved when he isn't prepared to even tolerate it with you won't help.

By the way, I don't think anyone has mentioned Tumblr yet. It can take a while to find people who aren't young enough to be your offspring but we do exist!

LTB

I think I see where you are coming from, OP. I wonder if you have different expectations of relationships to your DP; you have spent time and effort on his interests and expect him to do the same. He probably doesn't realise you are doing this and presumes you genuinely like football etc. If it's causing you to resent him, stop forcing yourself to feign interest in his hobbies etc. Then you can both have time apart and together to persue your interests without resentment.

Things that are really important to me are just that and I wouldn’t expect dh to be in the least bit bothered. The same as I don’t take an interest in his boring stuff. We talk about and do things together that we both have an interest in.

I don't actually think it is that unreasonable to ask your partner to occasionally show an interest in something that's important to you. OP gets involved in football etc for his sake so he could suffer through watching the odd movie.

you would BU to try and insist that he likes it but I understand you being a bit upset that he won't engage with it at all, even occasionally just to indulge you.

I like HP but it is aimed at kids and so you can't blame him for not being interested. I think you need to be more moderate in your approach to this - it's not healthy to be quite so into something that is just a story imo

Your poor dp must be bored to tears!

HP is life! 😂❤️

YABU, we all have the things we love. I love the expanded universe (now obliterated) of Star Wars, but I wouldn't expect my DP to care. Equally, he has things he's passionate about and I don't do much beyond nod at the appropriate times.

DH and I are both prolific readers. I like crimes and horrors - he can't stand them. He likes war stories and historical novels - I can't stand them. There is not a cats chance in hell that either of us would read each other's preferred genre. That's a bloody ridiculous notion.

You're hurt that a grown man doesn't like Harry Potter.

I'd be acutely embarrassed if the man I was spending my life with read and enjoyed children's books.

Your poor dp must be bored to tears

Yes.

Or the OP is on a wind up, I'm torn

Mine likes football and chick lovey dovey shite films. He watches them alone because I sit and rip the piss out of them.

Leave him alone OP.

All partners have different interests. My DP likes football, I find it dull and tedious. I like philosophy and literature, he finds that dull and tedious. We still have a perfectly fine relationship and common ground where it matters.