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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset that DH is not interested in Harry Potter

180 replies

Typinginbed · 12/05/2018 13:21

I’m a middle aged woman and for years I’ve loved all things Harry Potter. The books caught my imagination and the universal and uplifting themes appeal to me.

I wouldn’t say I’m a mega fan. I don’t know how to meet with other fans but once a year I dress up for Comic-Con. I read fanfiction in my spare time. I watched cursed child at the theatre (it was a good play but a shit story). I’ve been to the uk Harry Potter tours but would not go abroad for it. I hope I’m painting a clear picture.

I’ve been married for 15 years and my husband has not even read one of the books. It’s not that he is not a reader, he reads lots of fantasy etc. He even introduced me to Game of Thrones in the 90s before it was mainstream Grin and I watch that with him and have read the books.

He’s a football fan and I’ve bought him the novelty socks, gone to a few games. I don’t particularly enjoy it but I will be there when he’s watching it on tv sometimes, maybe playing on my phone or in and out of the room.

DH has never even read one HP book. He has only sat through part of one film as me and the DC were watching. He was talking over it and making annoying comments (e.g. when Hagrid comes on screen he will say ‘he could do with a trim!’ ‘Oh he’ll have someone’s eye out running with that wand!’ during a sad bit). We have the audiobooks but he won’t listen even.

He says ‘I’ll get round to reading them after xyz’ but for 15 years it hasn’t happened. I’ve told him it’s important to me.

AIBU to be hurt by this.

OP posts:
ICantCopeAnymore · 12/05/2018 14:21

No, it's very flawed and very small Grin

However, it does make sense that someone who enjoys books that are about acceptance, love, respect and tolerance would be that way themselves. Especially the ones who go deeper than just reading the books.

EB123 · 12/05/2018 14:22

YABU if he isn't interested just accept it, you don't habe to waych football with him or buy novelty socks. My dad loves football, my mum couldn't be less interested yey they have been married for nearly 45years.

HP is not my thing at all, i read the first book but it holds a no interest for me. I find it bizarre how obsessive people get over it.

bsbabas · 12/05/2018 14:23

Just remember this means you don't have to like the stuff he likes Scott free

honeyrider · 12/05/2018 14:24

YABVVU and childish, time to grow up and respect that he's an adult who can decide for himself what he likes and not like.

redexpat · 12/05/2018 14:26

Theres a difference between not liking your partner's interests and ruining their enjoyment of said interest. I bet if the op talked loudly over GOT he'd have something to say about that.

ItWentDownMyHeartHole · 12/05/2018 14:27

I get it. My DH ruined ER for me. Years of watching it and loving it. Waiting for next week’s episode. At the bit where Dr Clooney emerged out of the flood waters with an unconscious child in his arms while a helicopter thundered over head bastard DH laughed. We still bring it up years (decades) later.
These days he knows that some things are sacred. I know that he doesn’t have to feel for them like I do but I appreciate that he doesn’t take the piss.
Maybe you need to let go of the hope that your partner will try them but you should definitely tell him to grow up. If he won’t read the books then he doesn't get to comment. He was pissing on your chips. Not cool.

agentdaisy · 12/05/2018 14:27

Watching one or two of the films is a bit of effort and maybe boredom if you don't like them. Reading a series of 7 books which you're not interested in, 3 of which are very long, is more than a bit of effort and boredom.

He shouldn't rubbish it or outright refuse to watch the odd film or go to the odd comic-con with you but he doesn't have to read the books, watch the films and take an active interest in it with you. Just like you don't have to buy his team's kit, go to all home/away matches and watch every cup match with him.

EB123 · 12/05/2018 14:30

Yes i meant to add he shouldn't make annoying comments over the film if you are watching. That would annoy me.

Jozxyqk · 12/05/2018 14:32

That's really weird. And quite controlling.

DH & I like different stuff. We also have areas of shared interest & have discovered other areas of shared interest over the years. How do you expect to grow as a couple if you only ever do & like the same stuff together all the time? Seems quite needy & childish, like if he's not totally in agreement with you, he can't be in your club...

You say you go to or are present when he watches his games - it doesn't sound like you're actually paying attention though. Playing on your phone & popping in & out of the room isn't equivalent to reading the HP books or watching the films etc. You are merely present while his games are on, whereas you are demanding his full attention.

FWIW - DH & I both enjoy HP.

Candyflosss · 12/05/2018 14:33

Watching a few football games is not the same as making an adult read chidren's books. I don't expect my husband to draw and paint to show he cares about me vice versa. YABU.

RavenWings · 12/05/2018 14:34

I despise Harry Potter. The world itself is good, just can't stand main characters. I'd watch the films if someone desperately wanted me to (I'm one of those rare people who prefer them to the book), but read the book, nope, no way.

God forbid you have a separate interest to your husband...

AfterSchoolWorry · 12/05/2018 14:35

Yabvu

Life is short, too short for this nonsense!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 12/05/2018 14:36

Is this for real? Or is it like one of those irritating threads written from the perspective of a cat or a toddler only in this case; a halfwit?

ScreamingValenta · 12/05/2018 14:37

@ICantCopeAnymore Yes, and in an even smaller and more flawed analysis, I do agree that all the folks where I work who wear Harry Potter lanyards are good eggs Grin.

Jozxyqk · 12/05/2018 14:38

Meant to say - if you find the football boring - don't go! I am profoundly grateful that I seem to have found one of the few men in England that's not into watching sports (although I'd like it if he got off his arse & did some occasionally, but I digress). Nothing more boring that watching people running around a muddy pitch chasing a ball around in the cold or getting sunburn for over an hour. Feel free to take as little interest in his hobbies, as he does in yours. Be polite about it, & hopefully he will do the same - and remind him firmly if he isn't!

Aeroflotgirl · 12/05/2018 14:41

Yabvu, he does not have to like what you like, and vice versa, I would not want to put myself through back to back footie just because dh likes it, I would rather watch paint dry. You are not joined at the hip, you are separate individuals with different tastes, part of a healthy relationship is time by yourself enjoying your hobbies, it would be claustophobic being with dh all day, I would never force him to go to the Dojo to watch me train, I suppose he would rather pull his teeth out.

Frillyfarmer · 12/05/2018 14:42

Are you my absolutely batshit crazy mother in law? Genuine question.

mostdays · 12/05/2018 14:43

I don't take an interest in cabinet making, but dh does. I guarantee you if I asked him now does he feel upset that I don't read his magazines and watch YouTube videos about particularly tricky bits of work and wander round furniture shops examining joints, he would laugh. Insistence that those who love you should spend their time on your interests really is not reasonable.

BertrandRussell · 12/05/2018 14:46

I find adult Harry Potter fans completely incomprehensible, do I am with your dp!

Original poster
Typinginbed · 12/05/2018 14:46

I suppose that’s me told. I still think partners should make an effort and will still watch football with him as it’s a nice thing to do.

Where do other adults go to talk about Harry Potter as it would be nice to chat about things but don’t want to chat with kids/teens?

OP posts:
Original poster
Typinginbed · 12/05/2018 14:48

Frillyfarmer unless my DS has secretly eloped then no.

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 12/05/2018 14:49

By that logic, I should be a steam train fanatic. I'm not, it bores me to tears, but I'm perfectly happy for my DH to enjoy his hobby. In turn he tolerates my 4 cats.

It would be a very boring world if we all liked the same things. Grin

VickieCherry · 12/05/2018 14:49

YABU. I can't understand why you'd need him to like it? It's your thing, not his.

I love Harry Potter, and Discworld, and all sorts of other books. My partner doesn't read fiction at all. He's into WWE wrestling, which is deadly dull. I play Pokémon Go, which he thinks is ridiculous. We're fine having different interests!

Aeroflotgirl · 12/05/2018 14:50

Are there Facebook groups, chat forums. How about starting a thread about Harry Potter in Chat or something, for Harry Potter fans out there.

ICantCopeAnymore · 12/05/2018 14:51

Where do other adults go to talk about Harry Potter

Twitter, Mugglenet, Facebook Groups like Harry Potter UK and similar, Instagram, Reddit.

FWIW, I agree with you OP. I think it's nice to take an interest in your loved ones interests. Me being able to have a chat with DH about his sport doesn't mean I have to watch it fully, play it or spend time on YouTube. Him being able to express an opinion on my artwork, new craft materials, one of my lesson plans or Harry Potter shows me that he cares enough about me to take an interest in what I enjoy too. I'm glad that's what we are like.