AIBU to be upset that DH is not interested in Harry Potter

[Typinginbed]

I’m a middle aged woman and for years I’ve loved all things Harry Potter. The books caught my imagination and the universal and uplifting themes appeal to me.

I wouldn’t say I’m a mega fan. I don’t know how to meet with other fans but once a year I dress up for Comic-Con. I read fanfiction in my spare time. I watched cursed child at the theatre (it was a good play but a shit story). I’ve been to the uk Harry Potter tours but would not go abroad for it. I hope I’m painting a clear picture.

I’ve been married for 15 years and my husband has not even read one of the books. It’s not that he is not a reader, he reads lots of fantasy etc. He even introduced me to Game of Thrones in the 90s before it was mainstream and I watch that with him and have read the books.

He’s a football fan and I’ve bought him the novelty socks, gone to a few games. I don’t particularly enjoy it but I will be there when he’s watching it on tv sometimes, maybe playing on my phone or in and out of the room.

DH has never even read one HP book. He has only sat through part of one film as me and the DC were watching. He was talking over it and making annoying comments (e.g. when Hagrid comes on screen he will say ‘he could do with a trim!’ ‘Oh he’ll have someone’s eye out running with that wand!’ during a sad bit). We have the audiobooks but he won’t listen even.

He says ‘I’ll get round to reading them after xyz’ but for 15 years it hasn’t happened. I’ve told him it’s important to me.

AIBU to be hurt by this.

Why would you bother watching footy if you don't like it? Why can't you just leave him to it and spend that time doing something for yourself?

It's not football that my DH plays/watches, but another sport. I will watch it now and again with him because it makes him happy. I'm not a fan myself, but it's his interest and because I love him, I think that it's nice that I've made the effort to learn about it so that I can have a conversation about it sometimes. I also do things for myself, so does he.

@OutsideContextProblem

He’s refusing to read GOT until it’s finished too

😂

I think it's more a matter of him putting you down for liking what you like, rather than not sharing your interest. It's fine to like different things, but if you love someone, you either make a token effort to try whatever their obsession is or, if you already know you dislike the thing, you don't actively take the piss or try to spoil their enjoyment of it.

I agree with some PP that it is a bit U to expect him to read the books or watch the films just because you like them. They have been around a long time and it's not his thing, he just isn't interested.
It's nice that you have taken an active interest in his hobbies and interests but you don't have to, that was your choice. I try to join DP for some of his stuff, and he joins for some of my stuff, but only when we want to, we don't pressure each other.

HOWEVER, I think your DH is a rude SOB for sitting there making stupid comments when you and your DC are enjoying a favourite film of yours, what is he trying to accomplish? He's just showing the kids your stuff is rubbish and should be mocked. How would he feel if you went to football with him and sat there saying daft things about the players or the game.

If he wasn't otherwise nice I would wonder if there was an element of control in it, I mean why say I'll read it after xyz (what are these things that need to be done first anyway?) rather than nah I just don't fancy it. Why say the comments, especially in front of the kids. Does he do that with film he likes? Or just ones that you like?

Yes. Yabu. Hurt because he doesn't want to read a series of children's books? That's just silly!

I've read and enjoyed them all, but the thought of being bothered that someone else doesn't want to is alien to me.

My DH and i manage to rub along together just fine with me ignoring his Marvel nonsense and him ignoring my West Wing obsession.

Why on earth would you be hurt about your husbands like/dislike of a series of books?

Surely our own personal thoughts, passions, dislikes etc... are exact that - our own

I felt like I was on another planet when I read the OP.

I think it’s more that he doesn’t give a shit about something important to me. And that it would take so little effort but he won’t do it. All it would cost is maybe a little boredom (and he might even like them).

With friends and family you take an interest in things important to the other person .

I love Harry Potter. I write fanfic and spend quite a bit of time online socialising with other readers and writers. My husband has read the books and seen the films but he isn’t massively interested - I really don’t mind - it’s my hobby. I am much more apathetic about his hobby - he’s obsessed with gardening - we have a massive garden and he’s always doing stuff in it - I’m just not interested even though it’s right outside our house. I think it’s good to have separate hobbies and I don’t think you can r ally expect him to read the books just to keep you happy.

Recent studies have shown that Harry Potter fans are generally nicer humans. Research suggests that we are more tolerant towards others, have stronger morals and less likely to be prejudiced against minority groups

Is this true, or a joke? If true, what were the studies - to whom were the HP fans compared and where were the subjects drawn from? Do you have a link?

It depresses me that there are adults like you. Ha. Let him be just like he’s letting you be.

@ScreamingValenta - apparently, although it was one study, so not entirely reliable

There are lots of links, Google "Harry Potter fans nicer people".

My DH reads murder/detective type books. I couldn’t be less interested, he couldn’t care less. But yet we remain very happy.

You’re hurt? Really? That’s a bit dramatic isn’t it.

Yabu and I say that as a Harry Potter fan. I grew up reading the books and reread them and watch the films often. I'd kill to go to Universal Florida but will have to make do saving up for the London studio tour.

Yanbu about him taking the piss and talking over the film though, that was uncalled for. Just because you're married it doesn't mean you have to both like exactly the same things.

Your dh doesn't have to read all, or even one, of the books if he doesn't want to just because you want him to. If dh wanted me to sit through every world cup football game this summer I'd tell him where to go. I'll sit with him and read Harry Potter but I'm not going to be glued to every game like he will be.

My dh doesn't like Harry Potter, has never read a single page of the books, but has seen parts of the films when I've watched them. It doesn't take away from my enjoyment of it.

I have one absolutely obsessed dc who is slowly building an impressive Potter collection, and one dc who hates it. We leave the philistine dh and dc to their football/F1/whatever and watch the films together.

Thanks @ICantCopeAnymore - just reading the article in the Standard now.

My husband and I hare a lot of literary choices but also have our own. We will lob a copy of a book over atnye other one, sayin saying ‘ thought this was interesting, see what you think’ but never get offended when it doesn’t appeal.

I am profoundly grateful to the HP books for getting my DD2 interested in leisure reading - she could now quote the most obscure bits from all the books and lip sync along to the films - and has a 1st English degree, which seemed very unlikely at one time. I read 4 of them on the trot whilst being fevered from a form of flu, so have a peculiar relationship with them :/

Honestly you need to grow up, it’s quite telling that your hobby is children’s books and films.

No one has to like things someone else likes, even if the someone else is their life partner. But no one ought be raining on anyone else’s parades. That includes the snidey “they’re children’s books” crew, and husbands talking over things.

Why are you so needy about this? have a word with yourself it's embarrassing, and beyond weird.

This is so funny.

No YANBU you should be devastated

thefallenmadonna The Marvel CU is also fab. Not something i thought i would love, but I do. You should try it. 19 movies and you're all caught up, lol.

I nearly choked on my tea when a pp described HP as a fad?!
I have loved HP longer than I've loved my Dh. We met nearly 15 years ago. Is he a fad???

I'd rather enjoy the Harry Potter books than have an obsession with something like alcohol, or boring social events.

I am grown up, by the way. I'm a professional about to undertake a Doctorate. My enjoyment of Harry Potter has nothing to do with how "grown up" I am.

I think YANBU because he hasn't even tried really.

DH is interested in football. I was not. I gave it a go. I was bored shitless. But I tried. Due to the happy arrival of Jurgen Klopp and intermittent appearances of Vincent Kompany (known in our house as Mr Cheekbones) as a TV pundit I have now progressed to being a Liverpool fan and watching highlights.

Couldn't tell you the offside rule and watching an actual whole match might be pushing it, but I gave it a go.

Equally I am sure DH is not especially interested in knitting and sewing but he has manfully listened to me witter about the decline and fall of the Dorset button industry, (amongst numerous other craft related things) and he is interested in economics so we found common ground.

He should give it a try at least.

Hmm, the abstract on the journal's website says:

"We conducted three studies to test whether extended contact through reading the popular best‐selling books of Harry Potter improves attitudes toward stigmatized groups (immigrants, homosexuals, refugees). Results from one experimental intervention with elementary school children and from two cross‐sectional studies with high school and university students (in Italy and United Kingdom) supported our main hypothesis. Identification with the main character (i.e., Harry Potter) and disidentification from the negative character (i.e., Voldemort) moderated the effect."

This suggests they got the groups to read the books, then measured their attitudes to various issues and the extent to which they identified with various characters - so not really a fan versus non-fan comparison .

Have you tried crossing your arms, stamping your feet, pouting, and shouting "It's not fair." at the top of your voice?