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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset that DH is not interested in Harry Potter

180 replies

Typinginbed · 12/05/2018 13:21

I’m a middle aged woman and for years I’ve loved all things Harry Potter. The books caught my imagination and the universal and uplifting themes appeal to me.

I wouldn’t say I’m a mega fan. I don’t know how to meet with other fans but once a year I dress up for Comic-Con. I read fanfiction in my spare time. I watched cursed child at the theatre (it was a good play but a shit story). I’ve been to the uk Harry Potter tours but would not go abroad for it. I hope I’m painting a clear picture.

I’ve been married for 15 years and my husband has not even read one of the books. It’s not that he is not a reader, he reads lots of fantasy etc. He even introduced me to Game of Thrones in the 90s before it was mainstream and I watch that with him and have read the books.

He’s a football fan and I’ve bought him the novelty socks, gone to a few games. I don’t particularly enjoy it but I will be there when he’s watching it on tv sometimes, maybe playing on my phone or in and out of the room.

DH has never even read one HP book. He has only sat through part of one film as me and the DC were watching. He was talking over it and making annoying comments (e.g. when Hagrid comes on screen he will say ‘he could do with a trim!’ ‘Oh he’ll have someone’s eye out running with that wand!’ during a sad bit). We have the audiobooks but he won’t listen even.

He says ‘I’ll get round to reading them after xyz’ but for 15 years it hasn’t happened. I’ve told him it’s important to me.

AIBU to be hurt by this.

OP posts:

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 12/05/2018 14:52

With friends and family you take an interest in things important to the other person .

Maths is DH’s thing; I needed extra lessons to pass GCSE. My interest in chatting about all things mathematical is zero. Somehow we’ve still managed to stay together for over 20 years

BertrandRussell · 12/05/2018 14:52

There's a difference between an adult reading the books- and an adult describing themselves as a fan and going to comic-con and stuff like that.
But anyone who deliberately ruins someone else's enjoyment of a film or something like that is an arse.

Gabilan · 12/05/2018 14:54

It's fine to like different things, but if you love someone, you either make a token effort to try whatever their obsession is or, if you already know you dislike the thing, you don't actively take the piss or try to spoil their enjoyment of it.

This, really. It's fine for him not to want to read the books or watch the films. It would be nice if he did, but it's OK not to. Laughing and taking the piss during the films would annoy me though. You don't have to like the same things, but it helps if you understand that the other person does like them.

mirime · 12/05/2018 14:56

I'm an obsessive Tolkien fan, have been for 33 years. DH isn't. It's fine.

The important thing is that you respect each others interests, so no talking over films etc. I'm often shocked on tarot forums (I also collect tarot decks) and gaming forums how many people's DPs are rude and disparaging of their interests and how it's just put up with.

Lizzie48 · 12/05/2018 14:58

I confess I pull my DH's leg about his enthusiasm for steam trains. But I am happy to travel on them with him and my DDs occasionally. And we've been to York Railway Museum with our DDs, and he loves to teach our DDs about trains. I might roll my eyes occasionally.

NotCisImaWoman · 12/05/2018 14:58

Surely the only effort is to not be a dick about the other person's interests? Just because you watch a bit of footy in between phone/whatever else it was you said you did and buy him socks doesn't mean he has to? Try not to be so reliant on his approval for your tastes, he doesn't like HP, many thousands of people don't, it doesn't stop you enjoying it. I'm sure your dp will still enjoy footy without you watching a bit with him.

I'm pretty sure there are messages boards for adult HP fans as well. Try Reddit?

happymummy12345 · 12/05/2018 14:59

Yabu
I've never read any book of the books or watched any of the films and I'd never ever want to.
Your dh is entitled to like whatever he likes, and doesn't have to like the same things as you

Floralnomad · 12/05/2018 15:00

Taking an interest in a loved ones interest means watching something on Tv (whilst you are doing something else at the same time ) or listening to them bore on about it for 20 minutes and nodding in the appropriate gaps it doesn’t involve reading an entire book or set of books and then having to feign an interest for ever more .

Redglitter · 12/05/2018 15:02

Nothing more off putting 5han someone trying to force you to like something. Leave him alone he clearly doesn't want to read the books. As for feeling hurt - don't be ridiculous

raisedbyguineapigs · 12/05/2018 15:04

When I met my DH, his guilty pleasure was Big Brother. I told him he wasn't to have it on in the house. Sometimes I do catch him having a sneak peek and make him switch it off. I hate all scripted reality. It makes me angry. I don't think he's distraught because I don't share his interests.

NekoShiro · 12/05/2018 15:04

No I don't think your being unreasonable in being upset in him not even trying, you have to at least try the things your other half loves or what's the point? My partners a huge fan of animation, specifically South Park, which was something he shared with me and I really wasn't all that bothered by stuff like that when we got together I'd seen the odd episode here and there but now I'm a huge fan of South Park and adult cartoons, which is something I wouldn't of known about myself if I hadn't of tried to take part in something important to him.

Are there other things he does try in? It might make you feel less upset if you think about the other things you both enjoy doing together. Have you tried to watch Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them with him? I find the early Harry Potters very childish now so I can understand someone new with no memories tied in to the series to find it a bit of a slog but the new film is way more of an adultish story with all of the harry potter charm and lore to it, could be a good introduction.

Lizzie48 · 12/05/2018 15:06

Lol, Floralnomad I agree. I don't see the need for me to actually get my DH's enthusiasm for steam trains. But then I don't expect him to have my cats on our bed at night. It's called give and take.

NotCisImaWoman · 12/05/2018 15:11

Actually, thinking on this a bit more, if someone posted that a relatively new partner was trying to make them commit to reading a certain book or watching a certain film so they had someone else to discuss their interest or they'd be hurt we'd be telling them it is a bit odd, maybe even asking if there are any other 'flags' in the relationship.

I'm not suggesting this is what's happening here for one minute as it's clearly not the case, just something that popped in to my head, that if a friend told me her new boyfriend was hurt she didn't like HP and wanted her to start reading/watching it so he could discuss it with her, I'd be a bit WTF, run for the hills friend!!!!

Floralnomad · 12/05/2018 15:12

lizzie exactly , my dh is currently building a rather costly radio controlled juggernaut, and at least 3/4 times a week he bores us with which parts he needs to buy , and I endeavour to not glaze over mid conversation.

RoseGoldEagle · 12/05/2018 15:12

I would only try and get DH to read a book when I’ve liked it and and also think HE would like it. You can’t expect someone to spend their leisure time reading something they don’t enjoy. Also (and I’m sorry I know this will not be popular with some)- after a while what is there to TALK about with Harry Potter? I love the stories and the films, and I get having a bit of a discussion like you might with lots of books. But after that- what’s left to say? Sorry I do get that everyone’s entitled to like whatever they like, it just intrigues me a bit how liking Harry Potter can be a hobby in itself.

lifechangesforever · 12/05/2018 15:14

HP mega fan here.. second time going to Universal this year, always buying stuff and baby has all sorts bought for her. DH doesn't hate it but he appreciates that I love it and has bought me special sets of books, DVD's etc. That being said I certainly wouldn't expect any of this of him and definitely wouldn't expect him to read the books just because I like it.

lifechangesforever · 12/05/2018 15:16

My DH loves Warhammer (we sound like the geekiest couple in history don't we ) but I have no interest whatsoever. I will buy him little bits for birthdays etc. And I comment on his model painting skills but I draw the line at playing - just as he would at reading a book that he has no interest in.

JustDanceAddict · 12/05/2018 15:17

Dh loves football, I usually can’t anide it (will grudgingly watch World Cup) but he’s never insisted I take an interest even though it would be more fun for him.
We both like Harry Potter though - although haven’t seen cursed child or gone to comic con!!

Lizzie48 · 12/05/2018 15:20

Floralnomad that's it absolutely, I actually like the fact that we have our own interests. I do pull my DH's leg that on our first ever date he dragged me in to have a look at a model railway exhibition. We met at a Severn Valley Railway station because that was convenient. I would have preferred to go to a tea room and have a cream tea, but I didn't really mind. He's very knowledgeable and I'm happy to nod and smile when he talks about his hobby (he's a civil engineer so he really knows his stuff), and in return, he's never complained about my furry friends.

Menime · 12/05/2018 15:25

"It's quite telling that your hobbies are children's books and films."

What's wrong with enjoying something childish? Do we all have to "adult" all the time?

I grew up reading them as a child, the love had carried over into adulthood. It's a nostalgic love.

ICantCopeAnymore · 12/05/2018 15:27

When I met my DH, his guilty pleasure was Big Brother. I told him he wasn't to have it on in the house. Sometimes I do catch him having a sneak peek and make him switch it off

Wow. And he puts up with that shit?

ForalltheSaints · 12/05/2018 15:28

People have different interests. My musical tastes are not to everyone else's and I would not expect a family member to listen to or come to a gig of a band they have no liking for.

Conversely, I have never read any of the Harry Potter books, but would not make sarky remarks were someone else watching the films on tv. Incidentally, I have met Daniel Radcliffe and he is a very pleasant young man.

Redglitter · 12/05/2018 15:32

When I met my DH, his guilty pleasure was Big Brother. I told him he wasn't to have it on in the house. Sometimes I do catch him having a sneak peek and make him switch it off

Are you always so controlling. He's a mug for not watching what he wants.

AfterSchoolWorry · 12/05/2018 15:36

raisedbyguineapigs

That's so mean.

Goldfishshoals · 12/05/2018 15:40

Yanbu.

Of course he doesn't have to love something just because you do, but it's pathetic to rag on something without even trying it, and most people who actually care about someone will give their interests a try.

I've read the 'favourite book' or watched the 'favourite movie' of pretty much every boyfriend I've had.

My husband loves a particular dire TV show that I can barely stand, but once in a while I'll watch it with him, because he is more important to me than doing only what I want all the time (and he does the same for me).

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