to think SDs mother needs to grow up a little?

[Laurelie]

I have a nearly 7 year old SD who has wanted a brother or sister for a while. I'm now pregnant and she's over the moon (never seen her so excited!). Her mum however stopped her from seeing us since she found out, and isn't happy that we are having a baby before she is.

I do genuinely understand that it must be hard for her knowing that her daughter is going to have a sibling that she is not involved with, but the other part of me is upset that she's taking it out on us as a family.

We've never had a rocky relationship with DPs ex and she's pleasant to me, but this has now resulted in DP applying to court and having to pay upwards of a few thousand pounds just so he can sort out child arrangements. Not great when they had a good arrangement and we are about to have a baby.

AIBU to think that it's ok for her to be upset, but she's totally out of order for not letting DP see his daughter? She literally just turns her phone off and he now hasn't seen her for two weeks.

Have I entered the twilight zone? Are people actually suggesting it’s acceptable that a mother stops contact because she’s upset about her exh’s new wife being pregnant!

If she’s struggling with infertility then is understandable she might be upset, but she has NO right to stop her daughter having contact wiTh her father.

Each should go round 🤣🤣. No her current partner should offer support!

Good luck op!

@llangennith it's about a 50 minute drive. It can be over an hour in traffic but usually just under an hour. Definitely not round the corner!

Have I entered the twilight zone? Are people actually suggesting it’s acceptable that a mother stops contact because she’s upset about her exh’s new wife being pregnant!

They are. No idea why, but they are.

The solicitor will write a letter to the ex initially offering mediation and proposing contact arrangements. It doesn't have to be adversarial at all, it will only become so if the ex wants it to be.

Stepmums can't win on Mumsnet. They're always in the wrong according to some posters. And if the dad didn't do anything then they would say it showed that he didn't care and was only interested in his new baby. And of course you would be blamed for that too.

@FranticallyPeaceful what’s wrong with you?

And stop insinuating the OP is trying to make sure her DH sees his daughter less.

If you look up her last post you’ll see that there’s a chance @frantically might be in labour. Maybe it’s her hormones

Haven't read everything. Can he not just represent himself in court? Its pretty straight forward. Just tell the judge his story. He could get one appointment with a solictor to gain knowledge but no need for 1000s. I am speaking from experience in my wider family but l don't live in the UK.
The father just simply told his story and the judge came down on the dm like a ton of bricks. Sorted very quickly.
Its very unwise of the dm as the little one may now think her df doesn't want to see her because he is getting another baby. Very upsetting.

@junebirthdaygirl I think he's just a little scared of representing himself as he's only got one real shot at this. I did suggest this to him but the solicitor is like his safety blanket! I've left that to him. I'll support either way.

And if you can’t be grown up enough to sort this out in real life then fair enough, but the ex won’t look like the unreasonable one here

Good grief are you even reading the same thread? You’re actually just making things up now!

And you didn’t respond about how you’d feel if someone kept your child from you for what is now 3 weeks (according to OPs posts). Would you be so calm and dismissive?

I’ guessing this is the OP’s 1st child. In which case what ‘justification ‘ would the ex - who already has at least one child- have for resentment? Is no-one else allowed to have children until she decides she’s completed her family?
It reminds me of a toddler- or 5yo at most- with 10 Smarties getting resentful of the child next to them who has 8.

And OP if your husband can’t talk in front of the daughter without an argument then it’s possible that your DP is a bad influence on the child anyway

Whaaaaaat? Are you on the gas and air already?

Do you have a partner, frantically?

Let's hope he never steps out of line, huh? At least you'll have a pawn with which to punish him soon, just in case.

@MadMags that had crossed my mind too

Why would anyone punish their child out of spite? It’s horrible.

@FranticallyPeaceful he wouldn't be going to argue but if his ex starts screaming at him then what can he possibly do to protect his daughter from that. If she's so adamant to not be in contact with him do you really think showing up unannounced at the house is going to end well?

If this happens again do you really think we can cope with going through court whilst I'm on maternity and not earning my full wage?

Can't you see that he's trying to protect his daughter from seeing her mum and Dad at loggerheads? Don't you think it might be distressing for his daughter to see him turn up at the front door to then have the door closed on his face?

Why the need to bring my unborn child in to this? What relevance does that have at all? I love my child and will do anything for him/her. This situation has no bearing on my child's future.

What the actual fuck. Is Frantically even reading the same thread as everyone else?

If someone kept me from my child for 2 weeks without a word about why 3 regular visits have been withheld then I would be doing anything in my power to sort it out. I worry for the children of the women on here who are able to excuse the child’s mother. She’s allowed to be upset, but any decent parent would not punish their own child. If you think this is reasonable I suggest you look closely at your own parenting.

@Laurelie I respectfully suggest that you ignore the goady fucker completely.

He/she is clearly getting its kicks from winding you up. Don't let it derail your thread.

FranticallyPeaceful it really sounds as if you're projecting. The way the OP tells it, the DD is a happy girl, excited at having a little sister. Until now, contact has worked well and there have been no issues. This really is about the ex being upset that the OP is pregnant. There's no reason to think otherwise.

But you seem determined to make this the OP's fault at all costs.

@MadMags nasty piece of work I think the thread is well and truly detailed but if anyone else has any constructive words of wisdom I am still interested in hearing them!

OP I think you’re doing the right thing. He’s tried, repeatedly, to engage and isn’t getting anywhere. She’s left him no option but to go down the legal route. That is down to her, not you or him. I read only concern for your DP and DSD in your posts.

Inexplicable the reactions from some people on here (I'm specifically looking in your direction Frantically) and looking at your PP to check and see if you have a history of this level of ... logic isn't creepy at all, it's completely reasonable.

OP - I read your posts that you have DSD every other weekend - so does that mean if you have now missed three weekends in a row that it's actually six weeks since you last saw her? I strongly advocate court. There isn't a relationship to salvage here, not when one parent evidently sees the child as a pawn to punish the other parent with. What will stop her from doing this time and again if you give in now and set a precedent that there won't be any repercussions for her completely unreasonable actions?

Good luck and ignore the Trump like logic of Frantic...

May I propose that instead of indulging FranticallyPeaceful’s ridiculous and increasingly offensive posts, we ignore and employ the grey rock theory and continue to support OP?

@FranticallyPeaceful