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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a random act of kindness would have been nice in this situation...

281 replies

formerbabe · 11/05/2018 17:59

Been wanting to post this for ages!

It actually happened years ago but I'd love to hear other people's thoughts...

So I was at home making spaghetti Bolognese when I realised I had no tinned tomatoes.

My 2 dc were quite small...toddler and pre school age. I got them in car and we popped to the supermarket. I picked up a single can of value chopped tomatoes and took it to the till. I can't remember the exact price but it was in the region of 30-35p. I didn't have any other items. When it came to paying I realised I'd left my purse at home. I explained to the cashier and had to go home, get purse and go back. Quite a palava when you have 2 young DC with you but oh well, totally my fault.

Anyway, behind me at the till was a man who watched this all unfold. He didn't say anything. Now of course, he had no obligation to help and I had no entitlement to be helped. But if I was shopping and saw a woman in front of me with two young DC buying a single can of value chopped tomatoes and had left her purse at home then I'd offer to get them for her? Fwiw, the guy was buying fairly expensive, naice items like organic veg, posh chocs etc

Would you offer to pay for someone in that situation? I totally would.

OP posts:
HunterofStars · 12/05/2018 09:50

I would have paid for your tomatoes. I think there needs to be more kindness in the world.

user1495884620 · 12/05/2018 10:22

You try to make a meal without a key ingredient.

You then go to buy the ingredient without a purse.

You expect someone to bail you out.

Enabling a lack of organisational skills in a grown adult is not a kindness.

WheelyCote · 12/05/2018 10:33

He might of had a lot going on in his own life and his head somewhere else. Lights on no one home.

I'd have payed but if it had happened after I'd lost my parents...or after my split....the queen could've been in front of me and I would've been oblivious

OreoMini · 12/05/2018 10:34

Yes I would of paid for the tomatoes. Smile

darksideofthemooncup · 12/05/2018 11:04

Yep, did this recently. Elderly lady in front of me short by a pound, I didn't think twice about it. I hope if I was ever in that position someone would do it for me.

JessieMcJessie · 12/05/2018 11:16

Enabling a lack of organisational skills in a grown adult is not a kindness

Ha ha gotta love Mumsnet for self-righteous sanctimony.

OP seeing as the man did NOT pay for your tomatoes, I trust that his failure to enable you has made you a better person in the intervening years? 😂😂

TheDowagerCuntess · 12/05/2018 11:37

This thread reminds me why I'd pretty much gnaw my own arm off than ever start a thread on MN.

Frankie2015 · 12/05/2018 11:40

Maybe he wasn't paying attention to what was going on with you and had no idea.

haverhill · 12/05/2018 11:41

I would definitely pay. I recently offered to pay for a lady's parking after her toddler got over-excited and pressed the button too soon, meaning her ticket was only valid for an hour.

Original poster
formerbabe · 12/05/2018 11:50

This thread reminds me why I'd pretty much gnaw my own arm off than ever start a thread on MN

Well quite. I've been criticised for my spelling, my lack of organisational skills and the damage I'm causing to the environment for driving to the supermarket!

OP posts:
ChickenVindaloo2 · 12/05/2018 12:28

Yeah, OP, you're also a Bad Mother because you should have grown your own organic tomatoes! Grin

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 12/05/2018 12:30

I’ve done it. Couple of years ago mum buying nappies, wipes and sudocrem with some other (non luxurious) bits and was less than a fiver short. I handed her the fiver. Saturday before mother’s day this year, young lad buying the makings of a nice breakfast.... croissants, juice, jam, small bunch of flowers, card....clearly planning a treat for his mum, cashier told him the total and he was short, you should have seen his face 😢. I gave him the small amount he needed and he was SO grateful.

BUT I am now in the situation where I can afford a random act of kindness without a second thought. Twenty five years ago we were struggling and although the desire to help would have been there even giving away 10p could have meant I couldn’t buy that days meal.

LanguidLobster · 12/05/2018 12:31

formerbabe I think it's an alternative display of luurrrve

user1495884620 · 12/05/2018 12:32

Well quite. I've been criticised for my spelling, my lack of organisational skills and the damage I'm causing to the environment for driving to the supermarket!

To be fair, you were the one that started the criticising by complaining about a random man not buying you a tin of tomatoes. May I add being a hypocrite to the list? Grin

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 12/05/2018 12:33

You try to make a meal without a key ingredient.
You then go to buy the ingredient without a purse.
You expect someone to bail you out.
Enabling a lack of organisational skills in a grown adult is not a kindness.

Oh how wonderful to have never made a mistake or forgotten something! Maybe robots really are taking over, you certainly have the empathy I’d expect from a badly programmed droid.

SheNumpty · 12/05/2018 12:43

I would. I paid for a lady's cake and tea at the train station because as she went to pay their card machine broke and she hadn't got enough cash on her. She gave me what cash she had, but I was happy to pay for it all. Makes me happy to help people like that occasionally, and I'd like to think they would pay it forward also.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 12/05/2018 12:46

I'd have paid; if I'd noticed and had enough money.

But it wouldn't be a random act of kindness if it's expected. It would have been lovely if someone had paid for you and saved you the trip back; but to start an AiBU about it so many years later, and remember every detail, does seem entitled. It sounds like you expected someone to help - and whilst it would have been lovely if they had; to be honest, you'll suffer a lot less disappointments if you expect little and are genuinely surprised and delighted by random acts of kindness when they do occur.

Original poster
formerbabe · 12/05/2018 12:48

Yeah, OP, you're also a Bad Mother because you should have grown your own organic tomatoes!

I've learnt my lesson. From now on I'll be weaving my own cans of tinned tomatoes out of lentils. I'll also buy myself a dictionary and laminated meal planner. Oh and give up my car...

OP posts:
Hadalifeonce · 12/05/2018 13:04

What goes around comes around in my experience, I once gave a pound for parking to an elderly gentleman who though the hearing aid centre had it's own car park, and didn't have any change for the public car park. A few weeks later on a Sunday I took my daughter to a sports training day, assuming the car park would be free on a Sunday, I didn't have change but asked another driver if they had change of a £10 note, they didn't, but gave me the money anyway.
A little act of kindness makes 2 people feel good.

OublietteBravo · 12/05/2018 13:08

I'd have paid for the tomatoes.

I once paid for the coffee/cakes a family had ordered at the local cafe in the park. The cafe couldn't get their card machine to work, and the family didn't have enough cash and were asking where the nearest cash point was. It was probably about £15.

The family later wrote a glowing review on the cafe's FB page. Plus the cafe gave me a free slice of cake next time I went.

LEELULUMPKIN · 12/05/2018 13:18

I always do it if I am in a position to do so.

One of the most memorable times was when standing behind a young guy in a charity shop who was buying a book for his Grandad. They didn't take cards and it was only for 99p so I paid it. The look on is face was priceless, he really couldn't get over the RAC and was so grateful.

A few weeks later whilst in the same shop, I saw the lady who had served us and she told me that the young guy had been so shocked and grateful, he went into the charity shop the very next day, and donated £20.

So I am a firm believer that paying it forward really DOES work!

Ruffian · 12/05/2018 13:46

Ha - so it’s near mandatory to pay for someone else’s shopping (who forget her purse) but absolutely not the thing to do to give up a seat on a train to a disabled woman (who hadn’t booked a seat)

Yes. There's 'random acts of kindness' which sounds all cool and higher-plane and there's basic common decency - too often in short supply.

I've yet to hear any stirring tales of generosity from the OP - just a rather unkind dig at an innocent bystander and a lot of self-justification.

Tiredtomybones · 12/05/2018 13:54

I would definitely pay if I had the spare money and I noticed. However, I only ever take out with me the cash I know I will need so the chance of me having enough spare change is slim. Today I knew I needed £4.10, so took just that, and one of my items as reduced by 40p so I came back with change. So today, yes I would have paid for your tomatoes.

Efferlunt · 12/05/2018 13:58

Yes I would have but think most people are not always paying attention to others in in the supermarket. He was probably thinking about something else and wasn’t thinking about you at all.

expatinscotland · 12/05/2018 13:58

YABU