to think a random act of kindness would have been nice in this situation...

[formerbabe]

Been wanting to post this for ages!

It actually happened years ago but I'd love to hear other people's thoughts...

So I was at home making spaghetti Bolognese when I realised I had no tinned tomatoes.

My 2 dc were quite small...toddler and pre school age. I got them in car and we popped to the supermarket. I picked up a single can of value chopped tomatoes and took it to the till. I can't remember the exact price but it was in the region of 30-35p. I didn't have any other items. When it came to paying I realised I'd left my purse at home. I explained to the cashier and had to go home, get purse and go back. Quite a palava when you have 2 young DC with you but oh well, totally my fault.

Anyway, behind me at the till was a man who watched this all unfold. He didn't say anything. Now of course, he had no obligation to help and I had no entitlement to be helped. But if I was shopping and saw a woman in front of me with two young DC buying a single can of value chopped tomatoes and had left her purse at home then I'd offer to get them for her? Fwiw, the guy was buying fairly expensive, naice items like organic veg, posh chocs etc

Would you offer to pay for someone in that situation? I totally would.

Don't expect people to do things for you. Be pleased with random acts of kindness, not cross when they don't occur.

Also, to be fair - when I do my food shop I have my earphones in. So I wouldn't hear any checkout conversation until I took them out, which I don't usually do as I tend to go self service.

As Granny said:
“I would, and have done on a few occasions. I’m a huge fan of paying it forward and random acts of kindness”

Kindness begets kindness.

(Though the chap in question may not have had any spare change or not even noticed.)

When money was tight I was shopping with toddler twins. I bought milk, bread, cheese and sausages - all 'value' options. I got to the checkout, and realised I didn't have enough cash to get all four items; while I was trying to decide what to put back, the elderly man behind me quietly offered the difference to the cashier.

I've never forgotten him, and have paid it forward many, many times since then.

I paid about £20 for a guy once. He was in front of me in the queue, at about 9 pm. He had all cheap stuff but it was clearly for dinner. Nothing was extravagant. His card was declined. Then his wife came over - they looked exhausted. She tried her card. That was declined.

I wanted to go home. I knew they wanted to go home. I leaned over and said, "Let's see if this will work" and tapped my card on the reader.

NB - I don't think the OP is cross or disappointed at her experience at all. Just thoughtful, and wanting others' thoughts.

What if you were the fourth woman with small children that was short.

Should he keep paying?

Maybe he didn't even notice. I never pay attention to others at the checkout.

I would have paid if I was able and noticed.

In theory I would be willing to help but a) I'm often in my own world when queuing so I wouldn't even notice what was going on and b) I rarely have any cash on me so even if I wanted to help I'd have to pay by card and many places still have a £5 minimum limit. Unless the person was willing to hang around while I had my shopping scanned through but that makes things a bit more awkward!

That's a nice story multivac

I'd probably help just to get things moving along but wouldn't expect someone else too.

This happened to me once though, I'd forgotten my bank card, but had cash and was 2p short. 2p, and the cashier wanted it, I spent ages ratching in my handbag to see if I had pennies at the bottom, I didn't. Eventually I asked the person behind me and she said no. In the end I put something back. I was so embarrassed and thought the cashier could have let it go - I've worked in shops and know more than 2p difference when cashing up is pretty much a daily occurrence

YABU to expect him to pay, to judge him for not doing, and to still be stewing about it years later

Yes, it would’ve been a nice thing to do. But he doesn’t owe you anything. Your mistake, your situation, your responsibility not his. Chances are he probably didn’t even notice.

I think you really need to get over yourself.

It's 'years ago', and yet you still remember what this random man bought?

Random acts of kindness are just that - random - not 'acts imposed by social pressure from the judgey woman in front of you'.

Also, for future reference, it's 'palaver', not 'palava'.

I would have and have done so in the past in the local village shop.

I get what you mean, OP.

I totally would if I was switched on at the time but I can see me thinking afterwards that I should have helped, he might not have been thinking.

I absolutely would’ve offered to pay. I remember when I was in Waitrose (so fairly high end, closest supermarket but far). I was 2 days from Giving birth and the size of a small whale. I had walked two miles with my toddler. I had £70 worth of shoppinh at the till and my card didn’t work. The cashier asked if I had a chequebook and that would work. I was so exhausted and sweaty and ashamed -it was Saturday and busy and my toddler was freaking out. The man in the queue behind said he would pay for my shopping. It makes me cry thinking about it. I declined. I was too embarrassed. I said I’d just go home quickly (lie!) and get my chequebook. But I was so grateful. I hadn’t been eating because we were so poor and my son was living of potatoes and baked beans. It was a dark time.

Maybe you did something that irritated him? I would normally pay in that situation but I wouldn't if the person had irritated me for example by talking too loudly or something.

I would have done it as I've been that frazzled mum.
In fact this week in the supermarket, an older guy who clearly wasn't well enough to be out on his own, had bought £20 of stuff but only had £7 on him. The girl serving him was being really off to him, and the girl behind her on the other till was rolling her eyes and laughing.
Made me so cross as it was obvious he wasn't well
In the end he took some bits off but it still came to £13, so I paid it. She told me I shouldn't (as she kept wiping all the till down as if he was diseased ) but I insisted. Turned out the poor old guy had been locked out his flat and being bank holiday he had slept in the communal hall all night as the council was shut.
I hope if I'm ever in that situation someone will do the same. And I did tell the till girls after that their attitude stank.

I would if I had enough money.

When I was working I'd think nothing on spending a few hundred on my food etc. Times are different, ill health means I'm now on benefits.

Sometimes I go shopping, calculate everything to the last penny, then cross my fingers at the till! (Why I prefer on line shopping!).

So yes he may have had 'nice stuff' in his basket, but you don't know his circumstances. Could it have been someone's birthday, they couldn't afford to go out for a meal and this was their 'birthday' meal? Hypothetical obviously, but you really don't know.

Absolutely would in this situation! Without a doubt, different if it's a full shop but when it's one cheap item it's totally different

And yes, I would have paid up for somebody - have done in the past, and other people have kindly done so for me - had I noticed, but perhaps he didn't notice because he was tired/his partner was ill/work had been hard that day/his cat had just died etc.

'Judge not, lest ye be judged', and all that.

Also, for future reference, it's 'palaver', not 'palava

Least they didn't say pavlova

TheOnlyLivingMumInNewCross that's really sad. Well done you though, those cashiers attitudes sound disgusting.

he might of had no spare cash but i would of helped you if i had it