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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a random act of kindness would have been nice in this situation...

281 replies

formerbabe · 11/05/2018 17:59

Been wanting to post this for ages!

It actually happened years ago but I'd love to hear other people's thoughts...

So I was at home making spaghetti Bolognese when I realised I had no tinned tomatoes.

My 2 dc were quite small...toddler and pre school age. I got them in car and we popped to the supermarket. I picked up a single can of value chopped tomatoes and took it to the till. I can't remember the exact price but it was in the region of 30-35p. I didn't have any other items. When it came to paying I realised I'd left my purse at home. I explained to the cashier and had to go home, get purse and go back. Quite a palava when you have 2 young DC with you but oh well, totally my fault.

Anyway, behind me at the till was a man who watched this all unfold. He didn't say anything. Now of course, he had no obligation to help and I had no entitlement to be helped. But if I was shopping and saw a woman in front of me with two young DC buying a single can of value chopped tomatoes and had left her purse at home then I'd offer to get them for her? Fwiw, the guy was buying fairly expensive, naice items like organic veg, posh chocs etc

Would you offer to pay for someone in that situation? I totally would.

OP posts:
Loyaultemelie · 12/05/2018 16:31

I bought a lovely gentleman (not a title I'd use often but he really was) 2 doughnuts this morning when he was in front of me and like you op discovered he'd left his wallet behind. I was a bit worried in case he took the offer badly but he was really pleased not to have to put his doughnuts back as he'd been looking forward to them all week as a treat. I won't miss the price of 2 Lidl doughnuts and his attitude after was lovely (although tbf now I wish I'd actually thought to buy doughnuts myself)

JessieMcJessie · 12/05/2018 16:40

@tiredtomybones why do you only take out the cash you need, to such a specific amount line £4.10? When I was in the Guides we were taught to have a spare 50p on us for emergencies. Do you not trust yourself not to spend money on frivolous things? Or carry a debit card?

Vicky1990 · 12/05/2018 17:32

He may have thought you might have been a rabid feminist who would have accused him of some act of male domination.
There are women who kick of if a man holds a door open for them.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 12/05/2018 17:38

I would have paid for your tomatoes too Wink

SneakyGremlins · 12/05/2018 17:45

Just bought my own 30p tin of tomatoes Wink I did stand looking sad near the till but nobody offered to buy them for me. Do I need to be a woman for that to work? Grin

Goldfishshoals · 12/05/2018 17:53

I would love to think I would buy someone a tin of tomatoes in this situation.

In reality, I fear I would have thought about offering, the second guess myself wondering if they would think I was looking down in them, miss my opportunity, and then spend the rest of the day kicking myself thinking 'i really should have offered...'

I've actually been in receipt of this kind of kindness too! At a hot airport, delayed flight, I went to look at a bottle of water, and realised I was slightly shy of local currency. Went and sat down resigning myself to wait until the plane for a drink, when the woman behind me at the shop walked over and handed me the bottle I had been looking at Blush. So kind!

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 12/05/2018 17:55

I bought canned tomatoes today too but no bugger offered to pay for mine, either! Can’t believe what the world is coming to.

youarenotkiddingme · 12/05/2018 17:56

I would and have.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 12/05/2018 17:57

Yes. And sexy. And wearing something low cut.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 12/05/2018 17:58

That was to Grems.

Teacher22 · 12/05/2018 18:09

Yes, but don’t forget that blokes are dozy idiots. A woman would have paid no problem.

Sorry if that offends the women’s libbers. I am one myself but 61 years of personal observation and one son have made me aware that men are, indeed, from Planet Bloke about some things.

SneakyGremlins · 12/05/2018 18:10
Hmm
dumbledoresbeard · 12/05/2018 18:12

I don’t read it as something you expected. Just asking out of curiosity.

And yes. I would absolutely have bought you the tomatoes.

Yorkshirebetty · 12/05/2018 18:13

SneakyGremlins I think I saw you, was it this afternoon? I nearly offered to pay, but then saw that you also had a lobster, a bottle of Dom Perignon and some caviar so decided against it Wink

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 12/05/2018 18:14

Plenty of women seem to be from Planet Bloke as well.

TeisanLap · 12/05/2018 18:14

OP, I think you should spend less time looking at what’s in other peoples trolleys.

SneakyGremlins · 12/05/2018 18:14

Betty TWO bottles. Wink

Original poster
formerbabe · 12/05/2018 18:15

I don’t read it as something you expected. Just asking out of curiosity

Yes exactly! Thanks for reading my post properly!

OP posts:
PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 12/05/2018 18:15

Grems supper at yours? 😂

Original poster
formerbabe · 12/05/2018 18:17

Oh and if anyone is interested I went food shopping today...i remembered my bank card. I even bought some chopped tomatoes which I'm currently making into a spicy pasta sauce to serve with spaghetti and chicken.

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 12/05/2018 18:20

Did you drive, OP? Wink

Yorkshirebetty · 12/05/2018 18:20

SneakyGremlins it was you! Might I say it was completely heartless of you not to give me a lift home, you surely saw me at the bus stop as your chauffeur drove you past. How about a random act of kindness?

SneakyGremlins · 12/05/2018 18:21

Yes but you had muddy shoes dear. The limo had just been for it's daily spruce up, surely you understand Grin

Original poster
formerbabe · 12/05/2018 18:23

Yes I did drive! I am an appalling human being.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 12/05/2018 18:25

If Id have thought of it yes of course I'd have paid.

But if I was you I'd be slightly worried you forgot you didn't have tinned tomatoes then forgot your purse. When your sole purpose was to buy something. That's quite forgetful really 💐