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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think a random act of kindness would have been nice in this situation...

281 replies

formerbabe · 11/05/2018 17:59

Been wanting to post this for ages!

It actually happened years ago but I'd love to hear other people's thoughts...

So I was at home making spaghetti Bolognese when I realised I had no tinned tomatoes.

My 2 dc were quite small...toddler and pre school age. I got them in car and we popped to the supermarket. I picked up a single can of value chopped tomatoes and took it to the till. I can't remember the exact price but it was in the region of 30-35p. I didn't have any other items. When it came to paying I realised I'd left my purse at home. I explained to the cashier and had to go home, get purse and go back. Quite a palava when you have 2 young DC with you but oh well, totally my fault.

Anyway, behind me at the till was a man who watched this all unfold. He didn't say anything. Now of course, he had no obligation to help and I had no entitlement to be helped. But if I was shopping and saw a woman in front of me with two young DC buying a single can of value chopped tomatoes and had left her purse at home then I'd offer to get them for her? Fwiw, the guy was buying fairly expensive, naice items like organic veg, posh chocs etc

Would you offer to pay for someone in that situation? I totally would.

OP posts:
AL75 · 12/05/2018 18:28

Shame you didn't knock on any neighbours doors who you are on talking terms which to ask if they had a spare tin and offer to pay them back later. That would have saved you going all the way to the supermarket for just one thing..

Yorkshirebetty · 12/05/2018 18:28

SneakyGremlins I had muddy shoes because your car splashed me with mud as your chauffeur swept round to pick you up. The OP was there but she was too busy shopping for pasta to notice. I despair.

Ohyesiam · 12/05/2018 18:34

Yes, I’ve done stuff like that. The other day I gave someone car Park my net as they had no change. No skin off my nose, It was easy to make someone’s life simpler .

SneakyGremlins · 12/05/2018 18:36

Betty well if peasants like yourself didn't stand so close to the beauty that is my limo, you wouldn't get splashed now would you Grin

Yorkshirebetty · 12/05/2018 18:45

SneakyGremlins that's actually true, but I was distracted by looking judgementally at other people's shopping.

Holidayz · 12/05/2018 18:48

I'd have paid too.

A few weeks ago during a hot spell I was at my local co-op and all the secondary school kids were in buying their sweets, ice lols, slushies etc and one boy about same age as my oldest 13/14/15 dropped all his change on the floor. His mates helped pick it up and then I heard some say some went under the produce shelves. I was just finishing paying and asked him how much he had lost.."50p" so I dipped into my purse and gave him 50p.

I'd like to think someone might do the same for my kids on a hot day when they have walked home from school.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 12/05/2018 18:49

What time shall I arrive at the manor house Grems?

Unjudgemental · 12/05/2018 18:55

I still remember the kind lady who gave me my bus fare 20 years ago. I had the money and asked her for change as they didn't take notes. I wanted to give her the money back and she just said to make a donation to charity when I had change (which I did).

I would definitely try to help someone if I could.

SneakyGremlins · 12/05/2018 18:59

Perfectly I'll expect you in an hour Grin

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 12/05/2018 19:14

In France a cafe owner gave me the equivalent of £10 to catch a taxi back to the hostel I was staying in (middle of nowhere) because I was sunburnt to a crisp and my cards stopped working (I couldn't pay for my drink either).

The next day I managed to draw money out and I took every penny back to him plus bought lunch. It's one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me and and I'll never forget it.

I'd definitely have given the 30p, but he may have been distracted or not realised what was happening. Or he could have been a tight arse who wasn't bothered about seeing a mum struggling - there are plenty of them about.

KarmaStar · 12/05/2018 19:26

Yes if have paid,I have several times.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 12/05/2018 19:33

OK Grems.

wallowinwater · 12/05/2018 21:19

Lovely guy at the petrol station did this for me once with snacks for the kids, can’t remember why I didn’t have the cash, it was extremely kind of him and more than 35p. Def would have if I had noticed you in that situation, often in my own little world though. You could have been forward and asked....

Mumof3NoisyBoys · 13/05/2018 00:09

I've done it a few times, not for large amounts. Most recently parked at Asda, not to shop, but as there was no parking in the town centre (sorry, Asda), went to the cafe to get a bottle of water as I had no change for the ticket. The lady in front (60s/ 70s) ordered her food and the server asked "would you like a drink?" She asked how much for a cup of tea (I think it was £1), then declined and looked embarrassed. The server also looked mortified to have embarrassed her. I asked the lady at the till to take her a cup of tea. I didn't hang around, but I hope she really enjoyed it, as I enjoyed the warm feeling the RAK gave me.

Abbylee · 13/05/2018 00:12

My dh, a wonderfully kind man, would NEVER help bc he says that too often he had tried to help and been rudely rebuffed. If I were with him, he would try to stop me from helping bc he wouldn't want to borrow trouble. He's a nice looking tall man with glasses and pleasant smile. Not scary but he says people don't appreciate offers.

That makes me sad.

masterchef98 · 13/05/2018 00:25

I probably wouldn't have paid because I dont think or make decisions very quickly and I get very nervous speaking to strangers, even if it's something obvious like you dropped your hat. I would feel very bad about it afterwards and I am getting s bit better.

BadLad · 13/05/2018 03:00

I'd have paid for them unless I just didn't like the look of you.

TeisanLap · 13/05/2018 04:35

My dh, a wonderfully kind man, would NEVER help bc he says that too often he had tried to help and been rudely rebuffed. If I were with him, he would try to stop me from helping bc he wouldn't want to borrow trouble. He's a nice looking tall man with glasses and pleasant smile. Not scary but he says people don't appreciate offers

That makes me sad

It is sad because it’s all about him, his feelings, and not wanting trouble.

Boxerbinky · 13/05/2018 04:58

I was once stood behind a young girl who was exchanging a box hair colour as her mum had been picked up the wrong one. It turned out the correct one was about 70p dearer and the girl had no cash just the receipt in her hand. She looked embarrassed and stressed and it wa clear she didn’t know what to do.

I handed her the extra money she needed. The grateful look on her face alone was thanks enough! Pass it forward I say Grin

RoadToRivendell · 13/05/2018 09:18

It is sad because it’s all about him, his feelings, and not wanting trouble.

Well, sure. If you'd previously been rudely in committing random acts of kindness, you'd consider how that made you feel and perhaps proceed with a bit of reticence.

Not every stranger in need is a cuddly kitten.

RoadToRivendell · 13/05/2018 09:18

^rebuffed!

BoneyBackJefferson · 13/05/2018 10:02

TeisanLap

It is sad because it’s all about him, his feelings, and not wanting trouble.

Why shouldn't it be about him and his feelings? It is him putting himself out to do help others and if the response has been overwhelmingly negative, then it will put him off.

TheRagingGirl · 13/05/2018 12:28

Honestly?

I’m usually mentally elsewhere while waiting in a supermarket queue and wouldn’t have noticed.

And really - how Many years ago was this? And you’re still dwelling ...?

SpikyCoconut · 13/05/2018 13:13

I used to work in a pub and a lady who wasn't well (talked to herself,always alone, clearly suffering mental health issues ) used to come in every few months. Once my friend was sitting at the bar and said lady wanted a beer but was about 20p short
My friend paid ,saying 'nobody should go without a beer for sake of a couple of pence'.
What made me sad was, other people at the bar after she'd got her beer and sat down. 'Shouldn't have done that beer won't do her any good in her state'
'We don't want her kind in here she's nuts'
'Whyd you do that love keep your £to yourself '.

Yes, probably with mh issues alcohol isn't the best but it was one beer,probably her only socialisation , she likely hasn't experienced a lot of kindness and it was 20p ffs.

ConciseandNice · 13/05/2018 13:52

@SpikyCoconut, exactly, if all it takes to make someone’s life a little bit easier is to give a few pence then it must take a determined sense of self-righteousness to not do it.