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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a random act of kindness would have been nice in this situation...

281 replies

formerbabe · 11/05/2018 17:59

Been wanting to post this for ages!

It actually happened years ago but I'd love to hear other people's thoughts...

So I was at home making spaghetti Bolognese when I realised I had no tinned tomatoes.

My 2 dc were quite small...toddler and pre school age. I got them in car and we popped to the supermarket. I picked up a single can of value chopped tomatoes and took it to the till. I can't remember the exact price but it was in the region of 30-35p. I didn't have any other items. When it came to paying I realised I'd left my purse at home. I explained to the cashier and had to go home, get purse and go back. Quite a palava when you have 2 young DC with you but oh well, totally my fault.

Anyway, behind me at the till was a man who watched this all unfold. He didn't say anything. Now of course, he had no obligation to help and I had no entitlement to be helped. But if I was shopping and saw a woman in front of me with two young DC buying a single can of value chopped tomatoes and had left her purse at home then I'd offer to get them for her? Fwiw, the guy was buying fairly expensive, naice items like organic veg, posh chocs etc

Would you offer to pay for someone in that situation? I totally would.

OP posts:
pallisers · 11/05/2018 20:34

UserV

You seem very offended by me?

UserV may have had a bad experience with a tin of tomatoes.

Have you been called grabby yet OP?

UserV · 11/05/2018 20:40

YEP she is grabby.

There you go 'pallisers...'

Original poster
formerbabe · 11/05/2018 20:41

UserV

Please stop twisting everything I say.

OP posts:
Ravenesque · 11/05/2018 20:41

I'm poor as a church mouse and have done similar, i.e. paid for something that someone doesn't have enough money for or covered the difference. It's partly kindness, but also selfishness because I'd hope if that was me, someone would help me out. As it is, I have had random acts of similar kindness come back to me and I am always so grateful and think about the person for a while afterwards, hoping all good things for them.

clearly the chap may just not have had the money, but I get your overall question, so again, yes I would and I do gladly.

UserV · 11/05/2018 20:46

@Iamgreyhoundhearmeroar

I remember a thread on here where the op was outraged that whilst she was talking to the doctors receptionist, her toddler ran off and was trying to get through the door to the street.

There were two men in the queue behind her, and she wouldn't be told that it not actually their business to step in and look out for the safety of a toddler, whose mother was actually standing right there!

That mother in the doctors surgery was probably the OP.

And @pallisers I have not had any bad experiences with tins of tomatoes (although that comment of yours was HILARIOUSLY funny 🙄 ) but I have had a few bad experiences of people trying to cadge and beg money off me when they 'conveniently' forget their money.

They usually conveniently forget to give it back too. Or if I say NO, they get all pissy and angry and sniffy that they have been refused/not bailed out....... A bit like the OP.

Original poster
formerbabe · 11/05/2018 20:49

That mother in the doctors surgery was probably the OP

Er, no that wasn't me Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
formerbabe · 11/05/2018 20:52

They usually conveniently forget to give it back too. Or if I say NO, they get all pissy and angry and sniffy that they have been refused/not bailed out....... A bit like the OP

Where have I behaved like that? I said in my op that of course the man wasn't obliged to help me...i was just interested in what others would have done. I'm not angry or sniffy at all? You seem pretty angry though.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 11/05/2018 20:53

UserV does OP owe you money?

IceSwan · 11/05/2018 20:54

Yes I would. I have done and would again. It's nice

AgentHannahWells · 11/05/2018 20:56

I've done this a few times. I've been skint and it's horrible, I've forgotten my purse and it's a pita. Either way it is nice to treat others as you'd like to be treated isn't it.

OptimisticHamster · 11/05/2018 20:56

Why all the 'omg why are you thinking about this years later' comments. The OP is simply musing on what others would do in the same situation. Doesn't mean she's been thinking about it every night.

If I noticed, I would help in this situation.

Keepittenten · 11/05/2018 20:57

Local taxi firm we used regularly kept changing fare prices.Quibbling over 50p was not worth it but annoying, plus being shouted at by the driver, while hormonal, was very upsetting. Being heavily pregnant, with complications, meant I was in/out of hospital regularly.
Used a new taxi firm, got halfway to hospital and realised I had left my purse at home. The taxi driver consoled me, told me to sort myself out, ensure I was ok and not worry about the money. I broke down as he was so nice, I still remember his kindness and always stuck to using this new firm.
DH has paid for shopping, train tickets, sandwiches,toys for random people.
I would help someone, with as much as I could as I know what it is like to struggle and feel helpless financially.

As pp has said sometimes even 1p makes all the difference sometimes.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 11/05/2018 21:05

I don’t think OP has been nursing a tinned tomato man grudge for years.
Sometimes something similar or completely random reminds us of something that happened years ago.

partdeux · 11/05/2018 21:07

You are not bu, it would have been decent of him to have got you the tomatoes.

Once had a lady in front of us at the check out and she was taking a long time paying. My first reaction was annoyance that she was holding the queue up. Then i started to pay attention and realised she didn't have enough money to get everything and had to put something back. She left the cat litter. We bought it and gave it to her

LanguidLobster · 11/05/2018 21:08

OP I think most people would if they noticed - I can be pretty vacant in queues

Nannyplumssillyoldelf · 11/05/2018 21:10

I would have paid. Someone once gave me the rest of my bus fare when it had gone up and I didn't have enough. I work in a shop and a few times young children have come in and been 5-30p short and I've told them not to worry about it. A lot of people say to keep the change so I use that money to pay the difference and if it's not enough I pay it myself.

Aridane · 11/05/2018 21:18

I agree with User’s comments Grin

Fintress · 11/05/2018 21:26

There's a Starbucks drivethrough??

Yes, we have them in the far north.

I wouldn't think twice about helping anyone in the OP's situation. The other week there was an elderly lady selling the Big Issue near my supermarket, she was shivering with cold so I bought her a hot drink and asked if she was hungry (she was) so I went back and got her a sandwich. She was so grateful I could have cried.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 12/05/2018 04:28

Iamagreyhound I've had that the other way round. We were on a preschool trip to the Natural History Museum, DS2 wanted the loo, so I sent him on his own (before anyone gets all horrified, the preschool staff were happy for me to do so), he went off at full pelt, as is his wont, a man naturally stuck his arm out to stop him. I called over that it was okay, he was going to the loo. I think most people would stick their arm out to stop what they perceived to be a runaway toddler.

SadieHH · 12/05/2018 04:43

A) Yes I absolutely would have bought your tomatoes. Lack of finances and not noticing aside, I can't believe anyone wouldn't.

B) Re the fact that this happened years ago, do some of you never idly ponder things? Try it, it gives us something to talk about which is kind of the point of MN.

C) Some of you really are miserable buggers. And a bit spiteful. Neither are nice traits.

YeahILoveSummer · 12/05/2018 05:00

Yes I would give someone with 2 young kids the money for a tin of tomatoes Smile

lostinjapan · 12/05/2018 05:13

Wow at the people saying the man should have paid for the OP's food. That seems very entitled. Even if I were at a checkout and 1p short, I'd never feel the person behind me should pay up. I'd think it was incredibly nice of them, whether they handed me 1p or £5, but it's not something I would ever expect or take for granted.

But then I've never in my life been at a checkout and not had the correct money, so perhaps I have less empathy for people who are careless and forget their purse. I've given money to people who are a few pence short, but only when they're elderly. I probably wouldn't do it for a fit and healthy young woman (kids or not).

Screamingeels · 12/05/2018 05:21

I also find the whole set up sort of odd. Yes I probably would have paid if I'd noticed what was happening but it's much more likely I wouldn't notice.

The odd bit is the implication that the toddlers have some relevance and entitle you to someone else paying for your shopping. That wouldn't occur to me at all - basically id pay the 30p because its an easy fix for me, nice to be nice if you can..

NoYouDontHaveThat · 12/05/2018 05:31

If I'd have noticed I'd pay. If you'd expected me to, I'd probably say no.

Not sure why you're wittering on as if this man caused you all the inconvenience though. It was your fault.

apacketofcrisps · 12/05/2018 05:55

Yes I know...for me it was the inconvenience of having to get my DC back in the car, drive home, get purse, drive back to the shop, get kids out of the car, go back into the supermarket...but maybe if someone doesn't have DC, they don't realise how much of an inconvenience this sort of thing is. It was especially frustrating because it was only one thing and such a cheap item.

But why is it the man/whoever is behind you’s problem that you’re inconvenienced? You chose to take kids out with you for tomatoes! What if the shop was quiet and no one was behind you in the queue??