Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a random act of kindness would have been nice in this situation...

281 replies

formerbabe · 11/05/2018 17:59

Been wanting to post this for ages!

It actually happened years ago but I'd love to hear other people's thoughts...

So I was at home making spaghetti Bolognese when I realised I had no tinned tomatoes.

My 2 dc were quite small...toddler and pre school age. I got them in car and we popped to the supermarket. I picked up a single can of value chopped tomatoes and took it to the till. I can't remember the exact price but it was in the region of 30-35p. I didn't have any other items. When it came to paying I realised I'd left my purse at home. I explained to the cashier and had to go home, get purse and go back. Quite a palava when you have 2 young DC with you but oh well, totally my fault.

Anyway, behind me at the till was a man who watched this all unfold. He didn't say anything. Now of course, he had no obligation to help and I had no entitlement to be helped. But if I was shopping and saw a woman in front of me with two young DC buying a single can of value chopped tomatoes and had left her purse at home then I'd offer to get them for her? Fwiw, the guy was buying fairly expensive, naice items like organic veg, posh chocs etc

Would you offer to pay for someone in that situation? I totally would.

OP posts:
Dieu · 11/05/2018 19:12

Oh my word. Of COURSE he should have paid. Honestly, I cannot imagine not doing that for you. It would seem very mean-sprited for anyone not to.
YADNBU.

TwitterQueen1 · 11/05/2018 19:12

I would do now, yes. But a similar situation happened to me and no-one offered to pay (I think I was 2nd or 3rd in line behind a young man, wife & baby and amount was around £20 ish). He went through one card, then another, then tried to cash out. None of us did anything out of terribly British politeness and a because I think we all felt it would have been very condescending and patronising.

I very much regret that I did nothing at the time - if it were to happen again I would definitely pay.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 11/05/2018 19:15

This thread has made me sad and happy in equal measure!

Thank you to all you have helped your fellow man!

And to those of you who wouldn't - shame on you!

Slanetylor · 11/05/2018 19:15

If I had the money and you seemed nice and genuine I would have paid. But I’m often totally zoned out in a queue.
I might be a bit reticent in case you felt insulted or if I thought you were being rude to shop assistant or anything like that.
I have often paid for children who are trying to buy too much with their little stack of coins. That makes me feel happy.

MikeUniformMike · 11/05/2018 19:16

II would have bought them OP. Last night I popped to the supermarket and on my way out there was a homeless person. Just further along a few steps were a woman and three kids eating from a massive box of cakes.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 11/05/2018 19:16

This stuff about not wanting to embarrass the person - just do it discreetly and ask them to pay it forward when they are sorted. Then they keep their dignity.

TheDowagerCuntess · 11/05/2018 19:18

Only on MN would ppl tie themselves in knots to explain why he didn't offer to help. It's would have been much quicker for him to pay it than to stand and watch you flap about.

Oh my word. Of COURSE he should have paid. Honestly, I cannot imagine not doing that for you. It would seem very mean-sprited for anyone not to.

Yes ^^

Some of the responses to this thread are just weird.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 11/05/2018 19:19

I'm sure there are stories out there about person quite poor person A helping very poor person B in some small way and then person B becomes mega-rich, never forgetting person A and their kindness and then tracks them down and gives them loads of money. Kinda like The Secret Millionnaire.

Not that that should be your motivation but just saying. It would make a good film at least.

AND I love doing kind things for people!!! It' makes me feel nice! (Although I can be a total cunt to you if you deserve it!!)

Katedotness1963 · 11/05/2018 19:21

I would have paid for you and I have helped out in the past when someone's been a wee bit short. I worked in a shop in America and noticed how often people were a few cents short and had to put something back. So I started keeping a couple of dollars in change in my pocket so I could help out if needed. Then my boss noticed and I got yelled at because I shouldn't have money on my person while working the till as I couldn't prove I hadn't taken it out of the till!! Never mind the fact my drawer was never short. Needless to say, I started looking for a new job that day.

Realistica · 11/05/2018 19:21

  1. It's kind of strange that this is still bothering you years later

  2. Maybe he just wasn't paying attention. I could quite easily stand behind someone in a queue and not notice anything that was going on if I was off in my own world.

bobstersmum · 11/05/2018 19:21

I used to work at a place looking after people and we got a weekly shopping budget. We used to do our best to add up as we went around but regularly we went over so would have to put items back, but the amount of times the staff on the till would say it's OK don't worry! Honesty it happened a lot, it was mostly less than a pound but still! I have no idea if supermarkets have a small amount of change they are allocated for this reason or whether it was just genuine kindness.

UserV · 11/05/2018 19:22

@formerbabe

YABU to use the word 'NAICE' Hmm

And VERY unreasonable (and entitled) to expect someone to pay for your stuff. 35p or £35.00, this is still someone else's money you are expecting to be given to you to fund your forgetfulness.

Do this kind of thing often do you? Hmm

Ollivander84 · 11/05/2018 19:22

I always would. My friends joke I am deserving of good karma Grin
I pay for coffee if people are behind me in the Starbucks drive through. Sweets for children. Elderly lady couldn't remember her PIN and started getting really upset and trying not to cry so I paid for her shopping. Took an elderly lady home that had fallen. Paid for someone's pet food. Anon food donation to neighbour

That was just last years that I can remember. What did I get back from the universe? Emergency spinal surgery and sacked from job of a decade HmmGrin

2furbabies · 11/05/2018 19:23

I would totally pay for it! Have done many times sometimes without the people even knowing as a few have been very old and frail and didn't have clue what was going on and it broke my heart to think that they would go hungry that evening xx

Slanetylor · 11/05/2018 19:25

I was in a toy shop and met an old friend with her daughter, I bought her daughter a nice toy. The mom could not believe that I had done that, she thought it was too much. But I reminded her that she had very kind to me once when I needed kindness. A small thing, but I think people do remember kind gestures if it’s a big deal to them at the time.

Realistica · 11/05/2018 19:25

There's a Starbucks drivethrough?? Where do you live, Ollivander?

ChickenVindaloo2 · 11/05/2018 19:28

I think this is a perfectly valid and interesting thread for OP to have posted and for us to debate. It doesn't mean she's let the incident ruin her life.

And in terms of her allegedly being unreasonable in "expecting" the bloke to help, well it's not like she shouted "oi, cuntyballs, I'm short for my tin, give us your wallet". Grin

TBH I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that in Scotland, OP, naebody would let your weans (children) go hungry for the sake of 35p. And many's a poor old person in Scotland who would far rather go hungry themselves rather than let your weans starve. So I think this might be a cultural thing. Sometimes the poorest people are the most generous because they know what it's like to be in need.

RosaRosaRose · 11/05/2018 19:29

UserV 'Do this kind of thing often do you' was pretty cruel to the OP. Clear she doesn't by her going home to fetch the money, surely? Shock

Monty27 · 11/05/2018 19:31

The op has opened a discussion. I don't understand why some people are slating her.
Anyway, yes I would have paid.
A woman in the charity shop was buying her little girl a dress and hadn't enough money. The woman on the till was getting irate so I paid for it.
Oh the irony!

CocoPuffsInGodMode · 11/05/2018 19:32

Yep, same here in Ireland Chicken. Have done it and seen others do it plenty of times here.

Original poster
formerbabe · 11/05/2018 19:33

Do this kind of thing often do you?

Wtf?! It was a 30p can of chopped tomatoes...and I had two small DC with me! As con tricks go, it seems like a lot of effort for a small reward!

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 11/05/2018 19:35

An elderly person short of a little yes but a younger adult claiming to have forgotten their purse no.

I once paid the extra xx pence for an old ladies shopping, her thank you was "thank you, I didn't want to break in to a £20"

As for why don't people help, mainly because most people give aothers personal space at the check out and wouldn't notice.

ScreamingValenta · 11/05/2018 19:36

It's an interesting discussion. Having read people's views, I think I would feel less awkward about offering someone a small amount of money in that situation, should it ever arise.

The once I forgot my purse, I had about £80 worth of groceries Blush. Fortunately, the cashier was happy to leave my shopping in Customer Services while I went home to fetch it.

Realistica · 11/05/2018 19:36

It was a 30p can of chopped tomatoes...and I had two small DC with me

I think the key problem here is expecting somebody behind you to notice this and think about it.

Ollivander84 · 11/05/2018 19:36

Realistica- yes we have a few here! Lancashire

Swipe left for the next trending thread