to think a random act of kindness would have been nice in this situation...

[formerbabe]

Been wanting to post this for ages!

It actually happened years ago but I'd love to hear other people's thoughts...

So I was at home making spaghetti Bolognese when I realised I had no tinned tomatoes.

My 2 dc were quite small...toddler and pre school age. I got them in car and we popped to the supermarket. I picked up a single can of value chopped tomatoes and took it to the till. I can't remember the exact price but it was in the region of 30-35p. I didn't have any other items. When it came to paying I realised I'd left my purse at home. I explained to the cashier and had to go home, get purse and go back. Quite a palava when you have 2 young DC with you but oh well, totally my fault.

Anyway, behind me at the till was a man who watched this all unfold. He didn't say anything. Now of course, he had no obligation to help and I had no entitlement to be helped. But if I was shopping and saw a woman in front of me with two young DC buying a single can of value chopped tomatoes and had left her purse at home then I'd offer to get them for her? Fwiw, the guy was buying fairly expensive, naice items like organic veg, posh chocs etc

Would you offer to pay for someone in that situation? I totally would.

I've paid for someone else/tried to a couple of times. Once the offer was accepted (just a few pence though) and once, it was an older man in front of me in the queue, he was buying two cakes and nothing else. The cashier rang it up and he was short. He was emptying his pockets etc and I asked if I could help, but he refused quite firmly and put one of the cakes back, saying "it'll do me good not to have both of them anyway" or something like that. Anyway I felt awful, like I had embarrassed him, and so I would think twice in future about offering, not because I don't want to help but because I wouldn't be sure how the person would take it and I wouldn't want to offend.

Btw. I know PPs have said it's odd that the OP remembers the details after all this time, but I disagree. I think little incidents like that can really stay with you. My old guy and cake was about 7 years ago!

I think the key problem here is expecting somebody behind you to notice this and think about it

Yes I know...for me it was the inconvenience of having to get my DC back in the car, drive home, get purse, drive back to the shop, get kids out of the car, go back into the supermarket...but maybe if someone doesn't have DC, they don't realise how much of an inconvenience this sort of thing is. It was especially frustrating because it was only one thing and such a cheap item.

I think YABU to expect the man behind to be paying enough attention to know it was only 30p.

If you had asked him he might well have given the money. Unfair to judge him all these years

I have done in the past and definitely would have offered to pay for that small amount I have bought someones full basket of shopping before (only because it was a neighbour i knew well) so would have thought nothing of offering to pay 35p

I once paid the extra xx pence for an old ladies shopping, her thank you was "thank you, I didn't want to break in to a £20

This reminds me of a Christian pastor who raised a lot of money for a family whose infant daughter was dying. Upon hearing that in fact it was a load of lies and the daughter was perfectly well, he said:
"that's the best news I've had all year". And that was all he said.

So what I mean was, just look on the bright side - the old lady wasn't poor after all!

@formerbabe

Yes I know...for me it was the inconvenience of having to get my DC back in the car, drive home, get purse, drive back to the shop, get kids out of the car, go back into the supermarket...but maybe if someone doesn't have DC, they don't realise how much of an inconvenience this sort of thing is. It was especially frustrating because it was only one thing and such a cheap item.

So what? Why was it HIS problem that some random woman had left her purse at home? Why was it HIS issue to sort? How entitled are YOU?

What's more, I cannot get past you taking the CAR to the store (which was presumably several miles away) dragging your kids across town, using more in petrol than the sodding tomatoes cost, just for a TIN of TOMATOES. And then going back home to get your purse and going back to the store again.

Any normal person would have realised there were no tomatoes and made something else to eat!

I am actually gobsmacked that anyone would do what you did. A double journey in the CAR for a 30p tin of tomatoes, when you could easily have had something else to eat!

And then to be sniffy and annoyed because some man who didn't know you didn't pay for them for you? (Whilst judging him and saying 'he was probably so rude and inconsiderate because he doesn't have kids!') And then dragging it up several years later?!

Words actually fail me!

Yes have done and have offered before.
If there is a homeless Person outside I always buy them a meal deal an all. Pay it forward and all that. It's good karma.

I would offer to pay, I have bought a train ticket for someone who forget their purse and milk and bread for someone who's card declined both infront of me in queues, I hope if I ever need it someone returns the favour

I would offer to pay, definitely, I gave a lady in a car park a pound only yesterday when hers rolled under a parked car and she couldn't get it. Maybe he was in a daydream and maybe he regretted not helping afterwards. Funny that you are remembering it years later!

I would have offered to pay if I was able to, yep.

Today a guy asked me for a small amount of money to make up his bus fare. I was lucky enough to have said amount so gave it to him. I hadn't really thought of it until I saw this thread, I just did it because it seemed like a helpful, normal thing to do.

A few years ago my neighbour fostered a child (toddler). Long story but she was family. She came with very little, clothing, was tall but very skinny. Only two pairs of trousers from the same brand fitted her properly.

So I went on eBay to look and someone had a bundle of items. I messaged and explained her size, and that we didn't know what other brands fitted due to her being fostered.

Anyway, I bought the eight items.
Two days later a massive parcel arrived containing over 50 items of clothing. Coats, pj's, dresses, tops, jeans etc. Everything she needed and in brilliant condition.

With it came a simple note along the lines of 'I think she deserves it more than me having a few pounds
in my pocket'.

I'd have paid, I'm on benefits and disabled I know how much those few pennies can make a difference I've paid quite often for other people when they're short a lot of the time they've been kids but it doesn't make them less deserving. I've given bus fare to random kids too who didn't have it. I'd hope someone would do the same for my children.

I cannot get past you taking the CAR to the store (which was presumably several miles away) dragging your kids across town, using more in petrol than the sodding tomatoes cost, just for a TIN of TOMATOES. And then going back home to get your purse and going back to the store again.

That's a good point indeed.

Snowysky that's so lovely!

Nothing wrong with offering to pay a bit of money out for someone occasionally (if you can afford to fork out the money,) but there are lots of people who take advantage of peoples good natures.

It's all very well saying 'yeah I would give in a heartbeat,' but some people make a career out of conning people and cadging money. So making a habit out of just randomly handing out 'spare bits of change' to people who conveniently don't have enough money for their goods, is quite foolhardy IMO.

I am not saying the OP is one of these people, (who con people,) but there is something very irksome about her whole attitude.

UserV

You seem very offended by me?

Obviously OP should have carried her toddlers and walked to the corner shop.

Actually something that just happened to us. Just came back of holiday. As we were waiting for our taxi a young couple about 18 was waiting for their bus. (Airport transfers).

Anyway ours arrived and as we were putting in the suitcase I asked the girl if everything was ok as she looked really worried. Turned out they thought they had missed their transfer. So I said come in ours, plenty of room and it's already paid for.

The boy was up for it, but she was reluctant and insisted on waiting for their bus.

I do hope they managed to catch their flight on time. Our thinking was, if that was our ds, I would like to think someone offered to help if he was stuck.

I would pay, but would say YABU to think that this is the norm. Nobody is obliged and he may not have even noticed exactly what you were buying. I buy food for homeless folks in the tesco by my work. I see the same guy every couple of weeks and always buy his food for him. If it was a random person who forgot their purse I might help out but doubt I would even notice.

Obviously OP should have carried her toddlers and walked to the corner shop.

'Or found something else to cook!!!'

Hotfooting it across town in the CAR to get a 30p tin of tomatoes and then going back again because she forgot her purse (and some nasty 'obviously childfree' man wouldn't PAY for the poor iccle wumman's tomatoes!!) is just daft!

I would have just cooked something else and I was only joking. I'm far too lazy and mean to drive somewhere just to buy a can of chopped tomatoes.

Oh right, sorry Didn't realise you were joking Mike!

His money. His choice.

I'm sure there are 7million things you haven't done that a stranger (or not) might think "it would have been nice if formerbabe had done x".

I'm not going to lie and say I would have paid because I don't know. I might not have any/enough money on me, may feel it would insult you, didn't like your attitude with the shop assistant... all assuming I was paying enough attention to notice what was going on it the first place!

I would have done, but I wouldn't necessarily expect a random bloke in a supermarket queue to be tuned into what was happening around him. Maybe he just didn't notice?
I remember a thread on here where the op was outraged that whilst she was talking to the doctors receptionist, her toddler ran off and was trying to get through the door to the street.
There were two men in the queue behind her, and she wouldn't be told that not only was it not actually their business to step in and look out for the safety of a toddler whose mother was actually standing right there, but the child probably wasn't even on their radar at all.
As I said; if I'd noticed I'd have helped, but I may well have been completely oblivious.