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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a random act of kindness would have been nice in this situation...

281 replies

formerbabe · 11/05/2018 17:59

Been wanting to post this for ages!

It actually happened years ago but I'd love to hear other people's thoughts...

So I was at home making spaghetti Bolognese when I realised I had no tinned tomatoes.

My 2 dc were quite small...toddler and pre school age. I got them in car and we popped to the supermarket. I picked up a single can of value chopped tomatoes and took it to the till. I can't remember the exact price but it was in the region of 30-35p. I didn't have any other items. When it came to paying I realised I'd left my purse at home. I explained to the cashier and had to go home, get purse and go back. Quite a palava when you have 2 young DC with you but oh well, totally my fault.

Anyway, behind me at the till was a man who watched this all unfold. He didn't say anything. Now of course, he had no obligation to help and I had no entitlement to be helped. But if I was shopping and saw a woman in front of me with two young DC buying a single can of value chopped tomatoes and had left her purse at home then I'd offer to get them for her? Fwiw, the guy was buying fairly expensive, naice items like organic veg, posh chocs etc

Would you offer to pay for someone in that situation? I totally would.

OP posts:
Original poster
formerbabe · 11/05/2018 18:25

Also, for future reference, it's 'palaver', not 'palava

For future reference, a random act of kindness could be not to point out spelling mistakes.

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 11/05/2018 18:25

This happened to me a couple of weeks ago and the woman behind offered to pay for me. I had over £5 worth of stuff so I gratefully declined. I agree that he probably didnt think of it. The woman who helped me said she knew how I felt as it had hapoened to her before. It's less likely to have been the case for the man in your example.

KennDodd · 11/05/2018 18:26

I had a whole basket full once, realised I didn't have my purse, apologised profusely and offered to put everything back. The women behind me stepped in and paid (about £40) for my shopping. She gave me her address and I sent her a cheque. I've been hoping to run into a smiliar situation myself so that I can pass on her kindness to somebody else, never happened though.

In your case I expect the man wasn't paying any attention to what was going on with you and even if he did notice it might not have occurred to him to offer to pay. I wouldn't be surprised if, like you, he still thinks about this and wishes he had thought to pay for you. I certainly wouldn't think badly of him.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/05/2018 18:27

I would have done it in a heart beat. But maybe he was in a world of his own, and hadn’t realised what was happening?

pasturesgreen · 11/05/2018 18:29

I'm not usually paying much attention when I'm in the queue to pay, so I doubt it would probably even register. If I noticed, I think id offer to pay. Never found myself in that situation, though.

Seems odd that you're still thinking about a very minor episode that occurred years ago.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 11/05/2018 18:30

I take £50, because I know that will cover breakfast in the café and my shopping.

MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet · 11/05/2018 18:34

Most of the time, when I'm queuing at a supermarket, I'm in my own little world, so wouldn't have even noticed what was going on ahead of me, sorry!!

WeirdCatLady · 11/05/2018 18:35

And why exactly do you think that it is the responsibility of others to pay for your shopping??

Missingstreetlife · 11/05/2018 18:37

I don't think I would have gone out specially. Would have used another veg, purée or ketchup or called it not bolognese, or asked a neighbour to lend a tin

wellBeehivedWoman · 11/05/2018 18:38

I would definitely pay in that situation!

Original poster
formerbabe · 11/05/2018 18:38

And why exactly do you think that it is the responsibility of others to pay for your shopping?

Er, I don't. But occasionally it's nice to do things to help others...like I said, I'd offer if I saw someone in that situation. It would be quite a sad world if no one ever helped anyone else.

OP posts:
MasonJar · 11/05/2018 18:38

I zone out when standing in supermarket queues and wouldn't have noticed the person in front or what was being said.
Am amazed that the OP, in the midst of all the hassle, clocked what was in the man's trolley and still remembers.

KimchiLaLa · 11/05/2018 18:38

YABU because you used the "word" "naice".

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 11/05/2018 18:39

I don't pay attention to the people in front so wouldn't have noticed but it would depend on the person paying,

An elderly person short of a little yes but a younger adult claiming to have forgotten their purse no.

CheesyWeez · 11/05/2018 18:40

I would have stepped forward with 30p, and a word on spelling, to help someone OP.

It is kindly meant. Grin

claraschu · 11/05/2018 18:40

Not only would I have helped you, but it would have made my day to have the opportunity to help you.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 11/05/2018 18:40

I would have quite happily paid for the tomatoes, but would hate it if it was expected of me! There is a difference!

Juells · 11/05/2018 18:41

@AlonsoTigerHeart

How many times have you randomly paid for others shopping?

I once popped into a supermarket on my way home from walking dogs, bought a few items and when I got to the till found I had only small change in my pocket. Took out one or two things and asked cashier to take them off the final total, man behind me in queue insisted on paying the extra.

Whisperquietly · 11/05/2018 18:41

I would without hesitation have offered you the money in these circumstances. But quite often I’m thinking about something else and just not paying attention to what’s going on, so wouldn’t realise. Possibly the man falls into this category?

tillytoodles1 · 11/05/2018 18:41

I was in the card shop just before Mothers Day and a young lad about 12 was buying a card, a mug and at Teddy. When he got his turn, he had a pile of coins and counted them out, only to find that he was about £1.50 short and looked so upset. I gave the cashier the money to make it up to the right amount. He went bright red and said "thanks so much".

I'd certainly have bought you a tin of tomatoes.

CheesyWeez · 11/05/2018 18:42

Wow nice story KennDodd. That is more unusual surely!

Original poster
formerbabe · 11/05/2018 18:42

An elderly person short of a little yes but a younger adult claiming to have forgotten their purse no

What do you mean "claiming"? I had forgotten my purse. Oh and I was buying a solitary tin of value chopped tomatoes and had two young DC with me...it's hardly like I set out to try to con an unsuspecting member of the public so I could benefit from the princely sum of 30pence.

OP posts:
Rudgie47 · 11/05/2018 18:42

Yes I'd have paid it for a small item like that.

cone · 11/05/2018 18:44

I'd have liked to have helped, but would feel I was being rude to intervene, as it would show I'd been listening to someone else's transaction.

ALongHardWinter · 11/05/2018 18:44

I don't think it would cross my mind to expect/hope that the person behind me would offer to pay. Unfortunately,I'm of the opinion that the majority of people nowadays are too self-absorbed (probably staring at their phone) to notice anyone else's distress or discomfort. I speak from experience. I dropped my purse on the floor in a supermarket queue a few months back. I'm disabled and have great difficulty in crouching or bending down,but despite the fact that coins were rolling in all directions and I was obviously struggling to retrieve them,not one person in the queue made any attempt to help me. They all stood watching,either smirking as if it was amusing or pretending not to notice. Eventually,the cashier came round and helped me,for which I was extremely grateful. Don't get me wrong,I'm not saying that people are obliged to help. But if I was in a position to help someone who was struggling,I would. If anyone does carry out a random act of kindness,it makes me very happy,but it is rare.

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