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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you would have waited longer for kids

184 replies

b123p · 10/05/2018 22:36

People who had children in their late twenties or early thirties

Would you have waited longer to have children if you knew the full impact it would have on your life and relationship?

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 11/05/2018 19:55

I had mine in my early 20's. This is actually a question I've been asked a lot, and the answer is, I don't know? At the time, I really, really wanted kids, I wasn't particularly interested in a career or travelling. I think the advantages of having them younger is that you have more energy and you're generally more flexible and happy to go with the flow. Cons for me were that I didn't really get to know any other Mums with my first - they were either much older, or very young, teen Mums. Also money was tight.

I'm 42 now and DC are 19 and 17. I've got my life back and can now focus on my career, go away for weekends, etc.

So to answer your question, no, I don't wish I'd waited although I wish I'd chosen a different man to have them with

JacintaJones · 11/05/2018 19:55

I suppose your lack of understanding is due to your failure to appreciate that different people have differing circumstances.

rainbowfudgee · 11/05/2018 19:56

We were really lucky that DH parents paid for our wedding and helped us get on the property ladder, we both had postgraduate careers so could afford to have children aged 25. So many couples have to save up to have a baby. I think I always knew my reproductive days were numbered though so I was very keen to crack on.

I asked DH recently after a stressful day with the DCS, would you have waited longer? He said no, it was ideal timing really, as we have enough energy to run around with them and when they move out, we'll have time to travel, do new things etc. I think he is right.

Mousefunky · 11/05/2018 19:56

Had mine in my late teens/early twenties, got a degree and subsequent teaching career when they were young. It was hard but I’m glad I did it this way. I’m having my final DC now in my late twenties and I’m a lot more knackered than I remember being having them! In theory all of my children will have flown the proverbial nest by the time I am in my mid forties so I will have the next thirty years or whatever to do as I please Wink. It suited me fine this way anyway.

Procrastination4 · 11/05/2018 20:00

Has mine at 26 and 29-wouldn’t have changed it if I were back again.

WorldWideWanderer · 11/05/2018 20:09

I had my first at 26 and the next one 18 months later. Hard at the time but now I'm much older and they have grown and left home, I am happy I did it that way. I still have lots of life ahead of me to do things I want to do, which I couldn't while I had children.
My sister, on the other hand, only 3 years younger but had her children much later. She is still tied with them although it's University etc. now....but she's still envious of the freedom I have had over the last few years while she has still been tied down.

PasstheStarmix · 11/05/2018 20:11

Babdoc Flowers

PasstheStarmix · 11/05/2018 20:12

No I wouldn’t have changed it. I enjoyed travelling in my twenties and felt ready in my thirties.

VioletCharlotte · 11/05/2018 20:13

Stressed people's situations are different. I didn't go to uni, so had a reasonably well paid job from the age of 20. House prices were much lower back then and mortgages easier to obtain, so I bought a house at 21. Had DS1 at 22.

PasstheStarmix · 11/05/2018 20:15

‘In theory all of my children will have flown the proverbial nest by the time I am in my mid forties so I will have the next thirty years or whatever to do as I please.’

Until you have grandchildren Shock

moomoo85 · 11/05/2018 20:19

I had my first at 28 and am now expecting my second at 32. I wouldn't change it. We owned our house and were in a stable relationship. I don't really feel I am missing much it is just a different phase.

Summertime45 · 11/05/2018 20:31

First one at 33 and second at 37. I wouldn't have like it later than that or earlier than 30.

stressed3000 · 11/05/2018 22:08

VioletCharlotte

Oh of course, I meant more how do people manage to do it these days as opposed to in the past. Nowadays housing is so expensive & uni is more common.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 11/05/2018 22:27

Late 20‹S /early 30's for my two. If anything, I wish we hadn't waited so long. We'd been together over 10 years by the time dc1 was born. We waited until we felt financially secure, but whilst pregnant, various events occurred which made our financial situation far worse, so we ended up struggling moneywise for many years. Our relationship has always been strong and our children have only helped us to remain strong. If u had my time over again and would be guaranteed the same, wonderful dcs, I'd have them about three years sooner.

JacintaJones · 11/05/2018 22:35

stressed I had finished uni and had a graduate job in PR with a good mat package.
My parents had helped me on to the property ladder and I had a DH who was eleven years my senior earning 35K.

That was only twelve years ago and not an uncommon scenario so far as I'm aware.

Snowysky20009 · 11/05/2018 22:42

Ds1 at 18 and ds2 at 24.

No regrets at all. If I had my time over would do the same. Still went to university as planned and with a 6 week old to take care of. Got my degree and ended up in a very successful career with a good salary. (Before bloody ill health took hold).

My Boys are now teens and I'm starting to get my freedom back! It's been brilliant being a young mum. Just because you are a teen doesn't mean you can't achieve in life!!

Snowysky20009 · 11/05/2018 22:53

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam I was on 32k at 24 and that was in the South Wales Valleys, so a good salary!!

stressed3000 · 11/05/2018 23:01

JacintaJones I totally see the benefits re having them in your early 20s, particularly if your secure. Perhaps it just wasn’t on the radar for myself & my peer group as we were largely focused on getting on the property ladder & as we are all in London it’s taken a while!

BebeBelge · 11/05/2018 23:06

I was 31, 34 & 35 and I wish I had had them younger. I might have had more and I could have retrained for my dream career earlier. I am now doing it at 43 and wishing I could have more time to follow my dreams!

JacintaJones · 11/05/2018 23:10

I see what you mean stressed I'm in Chester so wildly different property wise to London.
I was surprised looking on Rightmove that a house comparable to ours would fetch over a million in most parts of London.
Its a five bed semi with no real land to speak of Shock

slummymummy35 · 11/05/2018 23:19

I know you asked for younger people to reply but I had mine at age 33 and 35 and it was pretty much perfect. Felt like me and the husband had had enough of a "life" pre kids if you know what I mean and we're settled and ready to settle down and not have any regrets of missing out on anything like partying once we had kids. Also money much better and financially stable with our own home and good jobs.

YummySushi · 11/05/2018 23:23

Had my first at 27 and wish I had had earlier :D.

Thumbcat · 11/05/2018 23:35

I had DS at 31. The plan was to have a second child 2-3 years later and at the time I didn't want to be having babies after the age of 35 (something which wouldn't bother me at all now). As it turned out we decided to stick at one child, so had I known that I probably would have waited another year or two and had some amazing holidays with DH before having a baby.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 11/05/2018 23:41

Well no because it wouldn't have been her.
Different sperm different egg.

stressed3000 · 11/05/2018 23:46

JacintaJones

Don’t make me jealous! 😁 Where I am a million gets you a 3 bed terrace with a small garden & no offstreet parking. I defo can’t relocate until DCs are older as moving would mean losing all family support as my parents are around the corner.