To ask if you would have waited longer for kids

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People who had children in their late twenties or early thirties

Would you have waited longer to have children if you knew the full impact it would have on your life and relationship?

No

Had mine at 27 & 30 and very happy that I did

I'm 43 now and have 2 teenagers so will hopefully have regained some of the freedom and flexibility of being childfree by my late 40s

I had my 1st at 28 and 2nd at 30. I felt much more emotionally ready at 30 but it probably would have been horrendous to adjust at any age in reality. It does mean I'm now looking forward to them both being in school and being able to think about my career again soon

Yes, I wished I could have had mine younger. Had all of my 3 in my early 30’s. Lots of awful complications because I had them too close together. Had I had them in my 20’s , my body would have coped better perhaps. What people don’t tell you is how exhausting kids are when they’re older. I now have 2 teens and 1 almost teen and the amount of housework, (such as huge piles of washing ) organisation, expenses and stress have increased ten fold. Both me and my DH agree it was easier when the kids were younger- intimacy and space is not at all easy with 3 loud independent minded pubescents in a small house ! I’m in my mid 40’s now and often wish I could have had them younger. My friend had her daughter at 21 and although she only had the one child, she is now 46, her daughter at uni and she’s free as a bird! I admit I’m jealous - I will be way into my 50’s before my lot have finally left the nest I reckon. My 20’s were rubbish though, I wasted so much time drinking and farting about with stupid men. But they generally don’t want to settle down in their 20’s - most men aren’t financially ready either so I wasn’t able to have kids back even if I had wanted too unless I went for an older man. My male friends weren’t really considering living together or marriage in the 90’s, let alone today. So it’s not easy to have kids earlier unless you make an active choice. I do see some younger women at my daughter’s school but they seem to have lived in the same area all their lives whereas I travelled around a lot in my 20’s, focused on my career and didn’t settle in one place for very long like I have now.

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Perhaps you should start trying as it can take a while. The one plus you have is that your already pt & well paid so I assume you can keep your job & you will still be able to afford holidays.

29 with first and 34 for second. It was the right time for us.

I had my first last year at 29 and hoping to conceive again next year so second I will be 31/32 (all being well). On the whole, it has been a really good time for me. Permanent job meant I didn't have to worry about maternity leave, I went out a lot in my early and mid 20s so don't sit at home on Friday/Saturday nights wishing I was out, DH is thrilled as he wanted to be a younger dad (he is younger than me). I think our relationship is stronger now but DH has been supportive and loving and hands on - not like some of the partners on here I read about who never lift a finger! If anything, I wish I'd started a bit earlier but that wasn't practical in terms of house/job.

I had mine at 36 & 39. We weren’t ready for a variety of reasons before that, despite us being together since I was 24.

There are 2 reasons why I wish I’d started younger

I always wanted 3 children but didn’t leave myself enough time

I am around 10 years older than most of the parents of my youngest. I’ve found it hard to make friends with anyone, but have a fair few from my oldest’s year group. In most cases here, they already have older children, & their second child is the same age as my first.

Thinking about how I was in my 20’s, I was no way ready for kids.

“The older you are the more established your child free life is and the harder it is to adjust when that changes.”

This ^^ is so, so true. I had DD at 41 and found it so difficult at first. We then had the double whammy of DD’s health issues which meant being in and out of hospital over the next few years, and me not being able to return to work.

Had my child at 27. I would have definitely waited until my 30's so I could have passed my qualification beforehand.

No. Mine were at 24 and 29. Not long after the youngest I was diagnosed with a condition which meant having my ovaries removed and to be honest whilst I hate the word 'blessed' because of it's associated cuntery, I often secretly think how fortunate I was to have had both DCs before any of my health issues came to light because so many women don't have that chance.

No not anymore. I am 28 and have an 8 month old. When she was born I had PND and for a couple of months I was like what have I done, I’m so young and now I have a child!? But all’s well now and she is the most perfect little person to me and to my husband, and although it’s been tough because of sleepless nights and just having more responsibilities, I wouldn’t say it’s negatively impacted our relationship. We are still just as happy as we were before, just a little tireder and poorer haha! I don’t think age has much to do with it, I think it’s about your circumstances more than anything.
Maybe if we had waited until we were 35+ to have her then we would have had more money, or have had more holidays or had longer just as us, but I am happy we had her when we did. We will be 46/48 when she’s 20 so plenty of time then to enjoy holidays etc. And we don’t plan on anymore kids so we will just enjoy her, while we are still young.

Works for us

Possibly. I was 30 when I had my first, but when I got pregnant I was still doing a PhD in the US with DH still living in Oxford. It would have been nice to have had a bit of time living as a couple and working without a baby and my academic career might have had half a chance. I had my second child 17m later.

However the first child was a choice as my DH is 10 years older. Taking that into account I'm still not sure I would wait.

I don't think you necessarily need to 'try.' Just come off contraception and see what happens. Don't think of it as making a baby just having sex. You might get pregnant the first time, it could take 6 months, a year or you might need help. From my experience I wouldn't deliberately wait and say, 'well when I'm 32 we'll start trying' just in case it doesn't just happen like that.

I started trying for a baby at 30 and had my first at 33. I’d dearly love another child but 5 years on it’s not yet happened. I’ve no idea if things would have been easier if I started earlier. But in my darker moments I fear I left to too late to have more than one child.

Was 32 with first, 35 with second, hopefully will squeeze in a third. But met dh when I was 26 and got married when 29 so had lots of carefree years together with nice holidays, travelled, bought a house, got on a good position financially, with jobs etc.

I would have loved dc a year earlier but waited until dh was in a better job.

There are always more parties, holidays, promotions you can have before kids but by the time you're in your 30s you should have done enough of that.

The main thing I'd try and do is get on the housing ladder before kids as it's much harder once you've got kids (drop in income with more outgoings).

No.
I had Ds1 at 22. Ds2 at 25
I love that I'm now 46 and have grown up sons who I have a fab relationship with and I'm not that old!
Plus DH and I have time together now both of them have left home.

I had mine very very young by mumsnet standard. First baby at 19, second at 22.

I would have waited until mid-20's if I could go back and do it differently. I've had to finish my degree, get married, save and get a mortgage etc whilst also being a mum. This has obviously made everything ten times harder than it would have been otherwise (although I'm extra proud for achieving it all)
I also wish I'd had more time with DH just the two of us-we had a lot of plans that couldn't happen once we found out I was pregnant so young. We have definitely missed out on a period of time that we will never get back.

For me the positives of my age are-

-Having grandparents around for the kids who are still young. This is a massive positive in my eyes. Both me and DHs parents were late 40s when the children were born so they've been able to have an active and close role in their lives and will likely be around to see them grow up and have their own kids. My children also have all of their great-grandparents who are all only in their 70s.

• although we have sacrificed a lot of our youth, by the time I am 30 my children will be 11 and 8. We won't have the same constraints as couples who are just starting out with babies. When I am 40 we will have adult children so can possibly do some of the things we'd originally planned for our 20s.

• It's nice knowing I'm young and won't need to take a break from work for maternity leave etc as I'm done having babies.

Had my first at 26, second at 30. Eldest is now 20, so obviously the youngest is 16. I didn't feel that young at the time. And I am happy I had them then, as my INlaws are now well into their 80's and are extremely demanding of my husbands time. Fortunately my children are not!

I'm 20, but I would've liked to of had my first around 30+.

Fertility circumstances meant that I couldn't wait, and we got the ball rolling as soon as we got that news. DH and I were surprised to have conceived so quickly.

My husband is a good 6 years older, and we mould very well as a couple. That's all perfect.

Baby is perfect. He's been incredibly easy so far. I don't regret having him when I did in that sense. It is lovely. I don't miss nights out doing something adventurous, etc

But it's money. Financially, we are very comfortable. But we don't own our own home. I wish we had a mortgage before baby. My job is London based so I cannot return. DH also works in London and is home by 7 earliest.

Such is life, eh?

For me 31 was the right age. I wanted to get married and get my PhD before TTC. I did a lot of travelling and trekking, moved countries several times etc. in my 20s so by the time I hit 30 I was ready to settle down and put that stuff on hold for a little while. I might have felt differently if I hadn't lived it up in my 20s though. Also, I moved countries again just before finding out I was pregnant, so would have had career disruption anyway.

One advantage I found of being in my 30s that my parents & in laws were retired & so they are happy to help with childcare. They do about 30% as we pay for pre school & childminder. However just having that back up if the kids are ill or to help with school pick up is super helpful.

I had mine at (just) 30, 32 and 36. Probably perfect for me age-wise, but DP is 13 years older, poor man

We do socially worthy but financially less excellent jobs and so are still renting. I am still 36, want to re-train in a couple of years but this is much harder with 3 children than it would have been in my 20s. Wish I'd been more decisive career-wise earlier but no regrets with the children, even though my 6mo has put me nearly 4 years 'back' in terms of career. He's more than worth it. BUT I think there are so many variables that this is a totally individual thing, really.

BUT I think there are so many variables that this is a totally individual thing, really.

Totally.

I had my first in my teens. In no way doo regret having her or wish to not have had her but if there was a magic wish I could make that i could have had my children exactly the same but several years later, a career and a good home then I would take that wish. As long as my children would.be exactly the same children

Yes!!
I had my DC at 32 and in hindsight wish I'd waited another 3-5 years.