To ask if you would have waited longer for kids

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People who had children in their late twenties or early thirties

Would you have waited longer to have children if you knew the full impact it would have on your life and relationship?

Had mine at 24 and 25 wouldn't change anything I think early 20s is a great age to have kids

I had my first at 22 and when my twins are born I'll be 25.. then that's me done! 😂 some days I get the feeling of wishing I'd waited (usually on the hard days) but for the majority I'm happy I've had my children young as I'm knackered all the time already, never mind when I'm in my 30's/40's!🙈😂 plus when I'm 40 I will have an 18 year old and two 15 year olds so will be on the way back to freedom again😊 plus will have the financial benefits too of having adult children who earn their own money and I can enjoy my life a little more again and maybe spend some money on myself again for a change 😂

I was 31 (just) with my first. Hope to have my second before I’m 34. In hindsight, from a career perspective I should have done one last full-on job before mat leave as I’m realising now how many jobs are closed off to me because of restricted hours. But I wouldn’t have changed it for the world and there is more to life than work. I also didn’t personally want children over 35 plus so if I had delayed number 1, I’d have tried for a smaller age gap. There isn’t a right answer really and whenever you have them it’ll be an adjustment.

30 - older might have been easier/better for me - I would like to have been further along in my career - it takes a thumping with young kids and if you’re not in, it’s harder to get in.

I had my two aged 24-26. That was perfect. We were settled, I had a few years at home with them and now manage the family business.

If we'd have left it longer I'd have much more dependent littlies now and would be trying to juggle too much, its pretty tough juggling now and they are primary aged!

I had mine at 25 and 29. DC1 is 4 with a developmental age of about 2 and DC2 is 9 months. Right now I'd say I wish I'd waited as I'm beyond exhausted as the baby wakes so frequently still. I'm sure if you asked me in 10-15 years time I'd be happy I had them when I did.

To be fair, I do wish we'd had the first after we'd moved back to our home area and that I'd learned to drive first. As it was we moved when she was 3 weeks and again at 5 months.

I had my DDs at 25 and 27. I feel those were good ages and now they are pre-teens I can feel my life opening up again (which is a little scary too!). However, whilst I wouldn’t change DDs, I would have changed ex because he treated me like shit once the girls were here, like a second class citizen.

We were 30/28 and so glad we did not wait longer!

Mid 40s now with teens, and not jealous of our peers who are going through the toddler phase, I 'd find that harder now I think, at my age (45)

My "career" (only ever had a job really, never a career) has not taken off like some of my friends' though, but I think you can't have everything in life.

Am loving my 40s with older kids though, we don't need a babysitter and enjoy our freedom to socialise and do sport/hobbies etc.

I only wish I started earlier, and that I'd had more than 2, but then I think "count your blessings"

What are you deciding OP?

No I wanted mine earlier but it didn't happen.
I'm now 50 my mum was a grandma at 50 and I think that was a perfect age.

No, I'd have started sooner. Having my last baby at almost 40 was not good. I wish I'd had them when I had my second child (31) and started earlier than I did (29). I'd have my life back more now, at almost 50.

Btw I’m in my late 40s and have energy and not knackered at all. :)
If people are really knackered by normal daily life it might be chat with gp could help.

I had mine at 31 and 34 which were perfect ages for me. I’d never have wanted kids any earlier. I may have had them a bit later but the age I was suited me.,

We had our first at 21 and second at 23. First was an accident and boy did we have to grow up fast! However, nearly 20 years later at 40 and 43 we are now free to do whatever we wish. Am now very happy it happened that way.

In an ideal world I would have met DH earlier than I did but we didn't get married until I was 31 and took IVF to have DS at 34. Would like more soon.

No, our son hasn't had a negative impact on our lives except for things I fully anticipated like less sleep and freedom. The joy of having him in our lives outweighs any negatives.

Had my one and only at 32. I wouldn't have wanted her earlier as I spent my 20's travelling and establishing my career. Much later, post 35 and there would have been less flexibility on when we could retire because of the ongoing costs of DC at university. Much earlier and financially we would have been less comfortable and tobe honest I was too selfish in my 20's - I didn't want children then.

Had DD1 at 23 and DD2 at 25, they have enhanced every aspect of my life and DHs life. We're happy with the simple pleasures in life, a day at the beach, a walk in the woods and teaching them about the world around them. We did the far flung travel and lush meals and stays in upmarket hotels before they were born so never feel like we've missed out. By the time DH is 48 and I'm 45, we'll be able to do what we like again and hopefully have decades to travel again

I had mine a couple of months before I turned 40, and wouldn’t have done it any earlier

Same here. I did alot of travelling in my20s and 30s and just couldn't imagine having a child at that time. It's just not the same experience if you have kids earlier then try and do that sort of thing in your 40s and 50s. This thread just shows how different everyone is though.

Pros and cons to all ages I say. We had our DCs in our 40s due to medical issues and mcs. The downside is we are tired at a time when are peers are beginning to have more free sleep time. I must admit I do keep up with the younger parents, I don't make it easy on my self. Luckily I was very fit when I had the children not so much now. The upside is that we have no money worries. we both worked in the city and saved a lot. No mortgage, DH still working fulltime and at the top of his profession as we had no commitments except to each other for all those years. The fact we can just throw money at a problem really helps.

I had mine at age 25 and tbh both me and my husband would have done it sooner if we could guarantee the same child! He’s not an easy child as he has ASD and at 3 years old is only just starting to sleep more than a couple hours at a time at night but we’re happier than we’ve ever been. He’s only ever affected our life and relationship for the better - we both took the opportunity to retrain when he was born for better work/life balance and although we can’t go anywhere alone (more due to his asd than anything) we love going out as a family.

But we were together from when I was 19, married at 21 and live in the north east so had bought a house by the time DS came along. If we’d not already done these things we might have chosen to wait.

I was 37/40 with both of mine. Wish I’d been 5 years younger on both but it didn’t happen that way. However, financially and career wise are both very stable which I wouldn’t have been 10-15 years ago. Wouldn’t change a thing but as pp said there were a lot of child free years so a true shock to the system with DC1 who was a non-sleeper and a non-stop pre-schooler. DC2 is a lazy lump, thank god - just right for my advancing years

I was 30 & 33 when we had ours, which felt just right. DS2 will start school next year, and I have time to start rebuilding my career (a new one), and DH and I, hopefully, will be young enough to really enjoy a life once the boys grow up. DH and I met in our late 20s and decided to have children quite quickly, which worked for us.

Thanks to everyone who replied.

To those who asked about our circumstances, I'm nearly thirty, have been with my partner for eleven years and only work a few days a week in a very well paid job.

We probably would have tried a year ago, but I became quite unwell unexpectedly and it turned my life upside down. I thought we'd want to try later this year, but after month's of being unwell and mistreatment at the hospital, I'm understandably a bit traumatised, and not sure if I'm ready to give up 'normal' yet. Our relationship went through so much and it is nice to feel stronger as a couple again. We've had many wonderful holidays but a part of me would like a couple more.

That being said, one of the consequences of my illness may mean that there are fertility issues in the future. Some element of this may be in my head, but I would rather not risk it by waiting much longer. I think maybe I just need to take the pressure off myself needing to try in the next few months, to give myself a bit longer to recover, and instead say we could maybe try in the next year, when I feel stronger. I spent a lot of last bursting into tears whenever I saw anyone with small children (in private!) because I was worried we may never have that, and I think it's confused my feelings over it.

This has been really helpful - thank you.

32 and due my 2nd at 36. Anything after 30 I would've been happy with. Our social groups were/ are all having families. Everyone's lives were changing together. Work well and truly established although I moved job after my first mat leave and it worked out fine. We went in a lot of great holidays and nights out in twenties. In your circumstances I would start trying almost everyone has said they wouldn't have pushed it back further. Best of luck.

If I knew then what I knew now... 😂
I try not to think about what if's... it's not healthy for my mental health.