To want to shake my “unschooling” “friend”

[MrsPreston11]

She seems to think that because my kids are in awful, awful (ofsted outstanding and they’re both very happy) mainstream school they miss out on SO much.

And takes any chance she can to make sure I know how very very happy she is having all these “precious adventures” every day.

Most days they just watch TV/iPad and then once a month go to a museum or theme park.

Her oldest (5) can’t read or write yet, can’t play nice with other kids, can’t sit still for 2 seconds.

Guess what. Mine go to museums and theme parks and beaches too. I’m not bloody neglecting them.

Urgh. Sorry. Rant over.

bet she’s an anti vaxxer too @MrsPreston11

promise I’ll stop now

bet she’s an anti vaxxer too

Wow. I guess some things are ok to make sweeping statements about. One of them being home education.

I definitely think you both need to live and let live.

In some ways I would love to home Ed but I can't really see how it works. As you say, OP, lots of people go on about the kid learning what they are interested in. That's all fine but sometimes we need to learn things we are not interested in. If I had allowed my 11 year old to choose what to learn about she would have spent her days blissfully reading fiction and poetry, writing stories and painting pictures (or playing on her tablet and watching YouTube if i didn't restrict it which of course I would) . However she would probably it be able to do more maths than counting to ten because she isn't interested in it (OK hates it with a passion). Unfortunately not being able to do basic maths doesn't really go down well in life, does it?

Also in terms of life skills I think not ever having to do things you dislike/abide by arbitrary and annoying rules is probably not helpful because we all have to do this in life.

Bellanotte RTFT making mortally offended comments without actually reading what people are saying is tedious.

MrsPreston I’m seriously wondering if we actually have the same friend.....

I'm am sorry for ranting on your thread OP, I really am.

These people thou! 2 weeks ago someone tried to tell me that their son didn't want to learn to read as it would harm his creativity and he wanted to be a professional Sitar player.

I suggested to the boy that reading would be useful, when he was on the road with his Sitar - and he was happy and wanted to do it, left with a few graphic novels perfect for his age range and few words so a good place to start. Also told me he wanted to play rock guitar like Dave Grohl and didn't actually own or play any instruments at all let alone a Sitar.......

So last week he arrived and his dad had confiscated the GN for being 'violent' (storm breaker - a kids book and not very violent at all) and given him a copy of Lord of the Rings to read. LOTR for a boy who's had 1 hour of reading support in his life and never owned a book.

WTF is the matter with people?

Unschoolers do seem to be more likely to be anti vaxxers.

gluteus home-education is not a race, disability, religious affiliation or any group protected under anti-discrimination legislation.

After contact with various home-educators, many people tend to the point of view that a significant number of home-educating parents are pretentious tossers, who are precisely as fit for the job of providing their child with adequate educational opportunities as Donald Trump is fit for the job of leading the United States.

If you don't understand how this happens, you either:
a)are lucky in your acquaintances;
b) know very few home-educating parents, or;
c) are part of this problematic group of tossers.

I will not speculate which, because it's not my place to do so.

Mortally offended? nope, just bemused that so many people take issue with other people's choices. Live and let live I say!

DiddimusStench hahaha perhaps.

Although I think people like her a pretty common even though they think they're so different from everyone else.

And yes. Of course she's anti-vax. Anti all medicine in fact. Essential Oils can replace any medicine. That's on the blog too.....

Well bellanotte perhaps take a look at the thread again and you’ll soon see that.....

just bemused that so many people take issue with other people's choices. Live and let live I say!

is what this thread is all about with some high praise of Home-ed thrown in there for good measure.

nope, just bemused that so many people take issue with other people's choices. Live and let live I say!

The choices we make for our children's education is slightly more important than twiggy shit v scandi style decor...

I wouldnt call a seven year old illiterate it took ds1 years to learn to read properly (mild learning difficulties) but he can read now at 11!

No SN at all in this case. And no attempt to teach either.

I’ve been in the homes of other home schoolers and seen what they do. They have material available to stimulate their children’s interests so they can be led by them in what they want to learn. So posters with letters and numbers, books, blocks with numbers - just loads of stimulus to give the children a chance to make their own journey with it.

This particular house - nothing like that. I’ve come into contact with other HS’s through her and there seems to be a few like that. Definitely a minority, but there all the same. It almost seems like a job they don’t want to do and keep putting off and never getting around to like cleaning the gutters.

A blog you say? @MrsPreston11, I think we need a link, or at least the blog title so we can go and (un)educate ourselves into her way of thinking

Unschooling is an odd one. I have seen it work very well in families where they lead a rich and full life...but not all do. We home ed, and ours are younger (7,6 and 6 months) so we don't do a massive amount of structured stuff. We focus a lot on reading a lot, doing a little maths, handwriting etc. Reading a lot of good literature, listening to good music, looking at art, spending time in nature etc.

Right now there are 8 kids in my back garden ranging from 11 to 3 all having a grand time in the sunshine. Yesterday we went out on the water for my son's 6th birthday and had a picnic. The day before we took all our books to the beach and did our bits and pieces there. Some days it just clicks. These are the days people share on social media.

Other days are a fucking shitfight from beginning to end and I start to wish I was a drinker. 😂 It would be easier to send them to school on many ways, but it wouldn't suit them right now. How we are not at all alternative in other ways. We vax, we eat meat, we watch TV (in ltd amounts) we look 'normal'. We are just normal people whose kids don't go to school. I hate with a passion those who preach, as tbh I think it is more about them wanting to feel like part of a club.

I asked if unschooling is what happened before unemployment.

She hasn't spoken to me since.

Easy.

She's obviously found the right education for her child, but I know it's wearing to hear about it all the time.
If she is unschooling, they won't be educating their child, it's the whole point.
As for not reading at 5, with H.ed/ or unschooling there is no pressure to do certain things at certain times, that's what schools are for.

OP. No one can predict how well children will turn out long term at the soft ages of 5/6/7 regardless of home schooling/outstanding ofstead rating. Sounds like she is a little nervous, lacking in confidence of her own choice over the matter and if you want to keep a friend (who you presumably must like somehow), you need to accept that your kids will receive different educations. The bigger affect on them will be their home lives and the way their parents behave. Tell your friend that you think her choice is brave and there are envious benefits and that you appreciate your choice must at times seem awful and also appealing to her but say that you should both try to not compare or compete. Say that her negative comments upset you and you wouldn't dream of saying things like that about her choices. If she is a mum friend, this may not be a friendship which lasts as the kids will drift but if she is a pre mum friend, meet her for wine and a ban on child talk.

I've been Electively Home Educating for nearly 20 years now, to be honest your irritating friend sounds very new & inexperienced.
If what you say is all she is doing, it doesn't actually sound like unschooling which has plenty of academic content in it, just directed by the interests of the child rather than a fixed ahead of time syllabus.
An unschooling child may well be studying calculus or learning Latin.

I am not an unschooler myself.

Almost all the EHE kids (who do not have behavioural issues caused by SN) that I have come across are not even remotely feral.

However, not all children suit EHE, some thrive in school & would be desperately unhappy in EHE.
Not all parents are capable of enabling an education outside of school either, it requires a lot of work on the parents behalf to make EHE successful.
If she continues, she will realise that after a few years.

There are strong communities of EHE families who are not doing this because of it being fashionable.

For the pp wondering how secondary education works for those who stay in EHE.

There are national groups dedicated to advice & signposting on studying for IGCSE & equivalent qualifications, as well as a lot of children taking either online classes through internet schools, (where you have online lessons with the teacher, are set homework etc... the difference being the parents pay & the pupil is sat at home attending the class) distance learning classes, in some cases registered with schools that even have uniforms for EHE.
There's also the Open University - many teenaged EHE children study through them.
There are also hundreds of ex teachers who now EHE their own children & work from home financing this by tutoring other EHE kids through their own topic.
Some parents chose to send their children to college at 14 (or their children chose to go) so that they do not have to pay for the exam fees for GCSEs, as otherwise all costs are the parents responsibility.

"You know that my 2 children are in school, so you know I disagree with you, can you just drop it now." Sounds perfect. I think you are going to have to be blunt with her and keep telling her to cut it out, as she hasn't grasped how annoying she is being or maybe she doesn't care.

That's if you think the friendship has potential to be saved. If she is winding you up constantly, then maybe it has run its course and you should stop associating with her.

I home educate. Not for SEN reasons. Just because I dislike how education is delivered in the primary schools available to us. I have 2 dc in secondary school and home ed 3 primary aged.

We don't do 'school at home' but we don't unschool either. It suits us.

My youngest is almost 5 and can't read or write yet. I'm not concerned at all.

My eldest went to primary school and couldn't read fluently at 7. He is now in 6th form studying business, economics and maths. His late reading skills were no indicator of his intelligence or the skill of his teachers. He just took a little longer. My second son has been HE since year 1. He could read before he started reception.

Your friend sounds like a dick. I'm sure she would still be a dick if her kids went to school. I'm sure you'd be happier if you told her to fuck off.

I would just distance myself from her tbh. She sounds like hard work. If she wants to bring up her kids like that then it's her choice but she shouldn't be putting down your choices to validate her own or vice versa.

The choices we make for our children's education is slightly more important than twiggy shit v scandi style decor..

I recall a twiggy shit thread from two years ago that would beg to differ. That twiggy shit thread would have wiped the floor with 'our children's education.'

Seriously, it gave no fucks. Not one.

Can come across as gloating but maybe your Home Educating friend is trying to get some support and understanding, you would be surprised how many people think Home Educating is illegal!!!! I read somewhere that most Home Educated children start read between ages of 8 and 12 on an average. I would also say reading not everything there is to do with education and intelligence, they could have a vast vocab and knowledge base.

Unschooling is a specific branch of Home Education.

Why or how is she judging you, telling you how happy she is to Home ed? Does she actually say how awful your child’s school is?

Ooh, was it pro- or anti-twigs, though? Is it still around or was it in chat?

I do love a twiggy shite thread.