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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've been backed into a corner?

328 replies

DippyDiplodocus · 09/05/2018 23:06

So the story goes:

I'm getting married to my fiancé in September this year.

Getting married at a small hotel. There are a limited amount of rooms which have been reserved for certain special guests I.e bridesmaids, best man and family so we can all have a nice breakfast the morning after the wedding. We wanted this to kind of be an extension of the wedding celebrations but for it to be a little more intimate with a select few special people.

Fast forward to today.

I remind two of my four bridesmaids that the rooms are due for payment soon - this has all been pre arranged and agreed upon by them months and months ago.
They were both happy to pay to stay in the rooms and so I reserved one each for them and put non refundable deposits down on both rooms in order to secure them.

They now mention that they have asked another wedding guest plus her husband, who were not on the list of people who were to stay, if they would like to stay the night in the hotel and join in with the supposed intimate breakfast the next morning. This is the first I have heard of such an offer as I had never intended for the guests in question to stay over with us.

AIBU to be majorly pissed off about this?

Obviously I like the guests but we only wanted a select few with us. I now feel as though I've been backed into a corner and have to offer these people a room because they have been pretty much promised it by the bridesmaids without first consulting me or my fiancé.

Not only that but I've now got to re-jig all the rooms for the guests to accommodate this new couple, which is a ball ache but not impossible.

I just feel really frustrated that this has happened behind my back, five days before the rooms should be finalised. I feel like it's quite rude to just assume that my fiancé and I wouldn't mind so just advised this couple they can have what they like.

For context I'm also 26 weeks pregnant, tired, in pain with SPD, Working full time, did I mention tired, trying to organise the final stuff for the wedding, trying not to stress.... argh!

OP posts:
ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 11/05/2018 20:34

Pregnant on your wedding day. Lol

No. Try again. Go on, I know you can summon up the brain power to read properly. Lol.

MadMags · 11/05/2018 20:52

Pregnant on your wedding day. Lol
Class

Cunt on the Internet. Lol. Original.

Original poster
DippyDiplodocus · 11/05/2018 21:36

@DoNotTouchThat

A) being pregnant at any time is not really that funny. Grow up

B) even if I was pregnant on my wedding day, (which I won't be and you'd know that if you bothered to actually read the thread in the first place) who gives a shit?! It's the 21st century not the 19th. DP and I are very much in love, this is not our first child, she wasn't an accident, just not that well timed and is very much wanted and loved. Again, that's not really funny either. In fact I think it's lovely, we will be celebrating as a family and why shouldn't we?

C) it's takes a lot of fucking courage to even THINK about getting pregnant again after you've lost a child. Never mind going through nine months of constant worry and concern for your unborn child. Not funny either.

D) Fuck off

OP posts:
Tiredmum100 · 11/05/2018 21:44

Firstly I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. How sad and awful for you. Secondly congratulations on your pregnancy. Hope all goes well. Thirdly YANBU. I understand where you are coming from. You want to have a nice intimate breakfast with close family and friends the morning after your wedding day and well why shouldn't you! Hope you have a lovely wedding and all the best for the birth of your little one.

Gazelda · 11/05/2018 21:44

OP, that was a classy reply to a poster who doesn't deserve a second of your thoughts.

Lindtnotlint · 11/05/2018 22:16

This thread is bizarre. People are very odd.

OP you are totally in the right about not really wanting the gatechrashers and you have an excellent solution so all is right with the world. I hope you have a wonderful wedding - and breakfast! And good luck with the new arrival.

Awhoosh · 11/05/2018 23:07

Well done for sorting it out OP. Sorry you have had some not very nice replies here. Have a great wedding.

JanKind · 11/05/2018 23:56

If you pay you get to say. If you do t pay then you don’t. Simples

2andcountingtodate · 12/05/2018 08:48

Well that's all sorted then jan as the OP paid the non refundable deposit to book the room.

jocarter67 · 12/05/2018 09:37

We had a problem like this on our daughters wedding, we asked the hotel to set a table with just enough space for the “chosen few” we sent in a table plan and some name cards and they were more than happy to do this . Anyone else had their own table for breakfast when they come down
.

OneStepSideways · 12/05/2018 10:38

I would offer to pay for the bridesmaids' rooms since they are invited to the exclusive breakfast. It sounds like they're doubling up to save money. If you want the wedding party to stay in a specific hotel to celebrate with you the next day, I think it's very bad form not to pay for their rooms.

Loki1983 · 12/05/2018 11:09

I’ve read it back a couple of times but it sounds like you’re having a wedding in a hotel and have reserved some rooms. People can do what they like in terms of booking rooms in the hotel, you don’t have a monopoly on the rest of the hotel. Sorry if I’ve got it wrong but I think YABU. Have a nice wedding day Flowers

2andcountingtodate · 12/05/2018 11:42

Loki shes prebooked all the rooms and paid deposits so its exclusive use for her close family.

PrimalLass · 12/05/2018 12:34

Loki I'm not sure how you read it through and got to that conclusion.

ThePants999 · 12/05/2018 13:15

I’ve read it back a couple of times
No you didn't.

LittleGift · 12/05/2018 13:29

@DippyDiplodocus. I cannot believe the shit people have given you on this thread! I hope you have a fabulous wedding. Good luck with everything.

(FWIW if I were one of the couple I would feel excruciatingly embarrassed and accidentally being at the breakfast for your closest family. So I think you’ve done them a favour too).

LittleGift · 12/05/2018 13:30

‘At’ not ‘and’

Loki1983 · 12/05/2018 15:47

Ah, I see. No, I didn’t read every post Hmm
Enjoy your day Smile

Grobagsforever · 12/05/2018 17:29

Wow you're acting like a total princess. A select breakfast for your inner circle? Are you for real? Can you hear yourself?

My wedding breakfast was a tepid tea in ICU next to my dying husband. Like you, I was also pregnant.

You're marrying the man you love. People are bothering to spend money to celebrate with you. Seriously get over yourself.

MadMags · 12/05/2018 18:02

Just because you’re wedding breakfast was sad, doesn’t mean the OP is being a princess by wanting to have breakfast with her family!

How ridiculous!

So nobody is ever allowed to do anything, ever, because other people are suffering tragedies. Hmm SMH

PrimalLass · 12/05/2018 18:08

If that logic applied we'd have to invite everyone to everything.

Sorry for your loss.

Birdshitbridgegotme · 12/05/2018 18:18

Presumably u like this couoke enough to have them at your wedding. I understand about the I bet circle bit but if u invited them to the wedding they have to be a little close or was it to make up numbers? ...i do get what you're saying but actually it's only 2 extra people and they are a couple so i can't see the problem. Maybe they will become your inner circle people?
I do understand what u mean though and wpuld probably annoy me a little too just to be asked if u minded would have been nice. But I would say let it go. Weddings are enough stress without extra stress. Jist be cool with it. Dont let it wind u up and u will probably enjoy them being there x

Mum2jenny · 12/05/2018 18:33

This thread reinforces my view that it's best to just go get married and tell everyone afterwards (or not!!)...just too much hassle all round.

Allthebestnamesareused · 12/05/2018 18:50

We went to a wedding that sounds like yours where the wedding has the option of all the rooms and there are no outside bookings.

We were very honoured as family friends to be included and indeed more honored to get the very fancy room so that both sets of parents and siblings all had the same type of room. In these situations of course the bride choses who to invite. It was clearly indicated what the room would cost us if we wished to stay so we could chose.

I wonder whether the bridesmaids have come across this type of wedding before and just didn't realise or thought they had saved you the bother of asking someone else.

Explajn that yes they can share tk cut their

Allthebestnamesareused · 12/05/2018 18:51

Oops too early

To cut their costs but the room will unfortunately not ne available for couple x.

Is there a godmother/close friend of slef or parent that coukd take that room for you if already committed to paying for it.

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