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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've been backed into a corner?

328 replies

DippyDiplodocus · 09/05/2018 23:06

So the story goes:

I'm getting married to my fiancé in September this year.

Getting married at a small hotel. There are a limited amount of rooms which have been reserved for certain special guests I.e bridesmaids, best man and family so we can all have a nice breakfast the morning after the wedding. We wanted this to kind of be an extension of the wedding celebrations but for it to be a little more intimate with a select few special people.

Fast forward to today.

I remind two of my four bridesmaids that the rooms are due for payment soon - this has all been pre arranged and agreed upon by them months and months ago.
They were both happy to pay to stay in the rooms and so I reserved one each for them and put non refundable deposits down on both rooms in order to secure them.

They now mention that they have asked another wedding guest plus her husband, who were not on the list of people who were to stay, if they would like to stay the night in the hotel and join in with the supposed intimate breakfast the next morning. This is the first I have heard of such an offer as I had never intended for the guests in question to stay over with us.

AIBU to be majorly pissed off about this?

Obviously I like the guests but we only wanted a select few with us. I now feel as though I've been backed into a corner and have to offer these people a room because they have been pretty much promised it by the bridesmaids without first consulting me or my fiancé.

Not only that but I've now got to re-jig all the rooms for the guests to accommodate this new couple, which is a ball ache but not impossible.

I just feel really frustrated that this has happened behind my back, five days before the rooms should be finalised. I feel like it's quite rude to just assume that my fiancé and I wouldn't mind so just advised this couple they can have what they like.

For context I'm also 26 weeks pregnant, tired, in pain with SPD, Working full time, did I mention tired, trying to organise the final stuff for the wedding, trying not to stress.... argh!

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 10/05/2018 19:03

If it's the sort of 'family and friends breakfast after the wedding' I have been to, then it really is.

Original poster
DippyDiplodocus · 10/05/2018 19:10

Ok so then don't call it intimate.
I only named it as such because it wasn't a big meal same as the wedding, (there will be over 60 guests for that).

OP posts:
MadMags · 10/05/2018 19:11

It IS intimate if it's only family and very close friends.

Some of you are batshit! Grin you're taking personal offence to the OP wanting a family breakfast after her wedding!

Louislovesmud · 10/05/2018 19:11

Having been to one myself Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar it really was.

It was relaxed, a chance to share some pics and say some private goodbyes/messages to the happy couple before they went on honeymoon. Given how quickly the wedding day flew by it was one of the few moments my OH got with his sibling that weekend.

mathanxiety · 10/05/2018 19:14

The ones I have been to were really the only occasions where the mothers of the brides got to relax and enjoy the wedding, the company of their own closest siblings and their daughters and sons-in-law the whole weekend.

TeisanLap · 10/05/2018 19:16

Breakfast (and breakfast for 18, at that), is not really an intimate meal

On the contrary.

TeisanLap · 10/05/2018 19:26

I really do have to agree with the previous posters who’ve written so positively about a family breakfast following the wedding day. It’s something we do and it’s lovely for the reasons mentioned above as well as other things.

Eighteen people though would be me, my children, their partners, my grandchildren. By the time we add others we’re up to about 27.

Jux · 10/05/2018 19:27

Don't be ridiculous lamagreyhound! Intimacy has nothing to do with number, and everything to do with relationship.

Close friends and family is intimate by anyone's standards (except your own?). I have a relative with 10 children. When they all get together, with spouses and children there are over 40 of them, so far, but it's very intimate nevertheless. I suppose if you've not experienced it you don't know.

mathanxiety · 10/05/2018 19:32

YY to numbers being irrelevant. My mother is one of 8. My dad was 6th of 11. Even so, there are degrees of closeness within those families and close friendships among cousins. Then there are friends on top of that.

NoTeaForMe · 10/05/2018 19:44

Dippy I can totally understand where you are coming from and what you have your heart set on. I do thing that sometimes people on MN read “wedding” and instantly decide the bride is an unreasonable bridezilla whatever the post.
Hopefully the bridesmaids have spoken to the other couple now and you have filled it with a family member or close friend. I do think the bridesmaids were silly but probably trying to help by filling the room after they decided they wanted to share.

PrimalLass · 10/05/2018 19:44

Only if you were paying to stay at their house, and you'd all been together at a party the night before and the people you invited were told they have to fuck off at the end of it and not come back for breakfast

But they weren't invited to pay to stay at her house. They were only invited for the party, then were fully expected to stay somewhere else.

myfriendbob · 10/05/2018 20:36

They were invited to stay over by the BMs. OP uninvited them

Notonthestairs · 10/05/2018 20:45

We planned something similar after our wedding 13 years ago. But more and more people kept appearing - someone had lost earring, a handbag, a couple dropped off wedding presents, some had gone home and then came back with photos they had printed out for us to take on honeymoon, some called in as they were passing the hotel on their way to the train station. They all stayed for tea and bacon sandwiches.
It was bloody lovely.
Enjoy your wedding - embrace the things that go "wrong" - and most of all your new addition to your family.

PrimalLass · 10/05/2018 21:00

They were invited to stay over by the BMs.

So just as I said. Like me inviting friends to someone else's party without asking them first.

PercyPigAddict · 11/05/2018 00:11

Surely it's acknowledged that there are levels in terms of friendship and closeness and the people you might invite to your wedding wouldn't necessarily also ALL be the people you want to share an intimate meal with the day after?

Nope, apparently not. This is mumsnet Grin

mathanxiety · 11/05/2018 03:46

You can't invite people of your choice to someone else's party.

MarthasGinYard · 11/05/2018 07:00

They've already been at the 'party' want to get their heads down for the night....

Would probably barely want to sit and have half a slice of toast the next day let alone 'gatecrash' Grin the ordered 'breakfasting' ritual.

Your BM we're trying to do you a favour and fill the room they decided they didn't want.

I feel they've probably learned their lesson....

channingtatumspecs · 11/05/2018 07:30

It appears you've now engineered it so this couple is no longer able to stay at the hotel - did you genuinely have a "wait list" of homeless relations waiting for a room or did you just want to try and get them not to stay there ?
I DO understand the family get together next morning however I think you've stressed about it way too much tbh. At my wedding if a random couple turned up they would have just been welcome to join (let's face it they're not that random if invited to your wedding are they?) also you didn't consider that having to join a large formal breakfast with a hangover would be something they wouldn't want to do anyway! I probably wouldn't have wanted too! Rather than getting your knickers in a twist it may have been easier to just say to them yes sure you can stay just a heads up this is happening but you don't have to join - huge chance they'd have said that's kind of you but we'll prob just get off on our way in the morning !
I think your attitude even if you think you've been ok has likely made your bridesmaids feel awkward tbh and made you look a bit of a princess
Just chill and enjoy your weekend and your soon to be born baby and let adults look after themselves !

TomRavenscroft · 11/05/2018 11:18

Why do wedding threads bring out the biggest bitches?

Bitching about the size of the breakfast party. Bitching about who should pay. Bitching about how people will probably be hungover so won't bother coming anyway. Bitching about the OP even coming on and starting a thread. Bitching about her 'engineering' things.

Gorgon, you must have no decency if you don't feel the least bit bad about laying into the OP after she explained about her pregnancy and previous experience. Shame on you.

MadMags · 11/05/2018 11:59

Quite, Tom.

GorgonLondon · 11/05/2018 13:26

OP I'm very sorry to read about your loss, and I wish you all the best with your pregnancy and your new baby.

burnoutbabe · 11/05/2018 13:38

can no one read, this isn't a hotel, there will be NO ONE staying beyond the wedding party.

It would be like everyone staying in the Brides's family house the night after, clearly just for close invited family only! an old Uni friend (for example) also staying would be strange.

GreenTulips · 11/05/2018 16:13

People can read - it's just a petty non problem!

This isn't the hotel letting some ransoms in the venue these are people to OP or groom must feel close to otherwise they wouldn't be invited at all.

Seems a minor irritation rather than a big deal

PattiStanger · 11/05/2018 16:24

Greentuilps - do you feel the same amount of closeness to everyone you know?

Surely you can see that there's a difference between family and close friends and people you like enough to invite to your wedding

It's very odd to me that anyone would think worthy of invite to wedding = gets to join private family/close friends only event the next day.

Maybe you genuinely don't have any difference in closeness of friends but I've never come across that before

Ubercornsdiscoball · 11/05/2018 16:51

It’s a breakfast! Not another wedding!! It just seems bizarre that a couple that the bride and groom obviously know are so unwelcome the next day.

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